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The Distance is Becoming all To Much

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Well, where do i start? I suppose i could start off by saying i love this girl i am "with" so incredibly much. The problem you ask?? We live in two diffrent states. We mutually met, in a lesbian community, and talked for over a year as friends here and there, flirted online chats, over the phone etc. She was having relationship troubles with her ex, and i was still living with my ex.(which is all cleared up now)

Well, finally one night while talking for hours (which we've done pretty much every night for the last 6 or more months) we admitted we had feelings for one another. It's most definatly strange because how can i have feelings for someone who lives so far away that i've never met, well after our talks and everything, she sent me a dozen roses to my house, and asked me to be with her. This is all new to her, i did it once before with a very bad ending so i am way hesitant but some reason i trust her. Well that was three months ago, and many roses and sentiments ago. We still havent met, but my feelings have only gotten stronger. We already have plans to get together for the holidays in december because i also turn 22 that month, But i want to see her sooner.. It's becoming increasinly hard and my heart hurts because i want to be with her. I was planning on going out there at the end of this month to surprise her but we got into a small argument and she is worried about her appearance & i am worried about mine too, but we've shared many pictures of each to one another and i think she's so incredibly beautiful. She says she wants to see me sooner, then my birthday but i feel she is hesitant. So i guess my question is..would it be wrong to just pop up and surprise her, i know where she lives works etc. I want to sweep her off her feet and show her finally how much she means to me. I really don't even know if thats my true question but i just wanted to really just rant about that i love this girl. We are appart in our ages she is 34 and i am only 21, but her personality and her spirit just makes me breathless. I just know i want to be with her..but the distance is getting EXTREMELY hard.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Or having any thoughts? There is a lot more to this but i figured i would spare the whole entire story lol. Just getting this much out made me feel a little bit better.



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I know how you're feeling. Some of my relationships have been long-distance, and it does get very hard. But you can get through it.


Anyways, onto what you want to know. If I was you then I wouldn't just totally surprise her, because that may cause problems with her work and getting time off, any social plans she may have, etc etc. Perhaps you should ask her how she would feel if you were to turn up fairly soon, rather than in December. If she loves you as much as you love her then she'll be ecstatic at the thought.


Good luck



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I would recommend not simply surprising her ... it could be inconvenient for her or she may like to be prepared for you. BUT, I would recommend meeting IRL sooner rather than later ... it will confirm (or deny, but your situation sounds positive!) your attraction for each other and give you a firmer foundation.


My own feeling about LDRs (and I am in one) is that if you are in one then you want to have a plan as to when it will become a non-LD relationship.


I wish you well.

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Thanks for the input. Yeah, completely surprising her would probably not be the smartest idea. But most definatly will ask her what she thinks about me coming to visit a little bit sooner.

As for thinking about the longterm as in not long distance. We've discussed it briefly before. She has a steady job she's worked at for many years, i wouldnt ask her to leave that ..so i told her even though i wouldnt do it with others, that i am willing to relocate. When it came out of my mouth i was definatly surprised. She really does make me want to do things i couldnt fathom on doing before because it never seemed worth it. She is definatly worth it.. definatly.

Thanks for the wishes.

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Hi there

I've been there. Really I have. Just recently. It was an amazing connection with this woman. She lived 1,000 of miles away but nonetheless, it didn't seem to bether us...I would run home from a busy day at work just to talk to her or ready her endearing emails......she would call at all hours of the day just to say Ï love you"I need to be with you "I ache for you"....made my heart skip a beat.......UNTIL, she surprised me by telling me she got a ticket to come and be with me. To visit of course. I was equally excited. UNTIL she arrived. No matter how many photos How many emails How many promises, IT IS DIFFERENT in person. I had a great time with her but it seemed that all that excitment turned into something else. I couldn't wait until she left. She was "Too needy""

She was "To clingy"I needed my space. I needed to breathe. My friends think she's after my money. I could be her sugar momma.....NOT

Please, find out if you really Love this woman. Wait. If you decide to visit eachother (both agree...no surprises) don't make it a 2 week thing, maybe a weekend.

Sorry to burst your bubble but if I can spare you what I went through....it's all worth it

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I understand your point

I probably wont pop up and surprise her because i am sure as much as she'd love the thought obligations like work & etc would crunch the time together. We havent set a date except for spending new years together for a few days.


mslovable - that really sucks that happened to you but i definatly know its part of reality, But i am going to think optimistically about this before negative because if i think negative everything is doomed to fail. If all else fails, we where friends for a year before we got "together", and atleast i gained a great friend.

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