aden357 Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Help, wtf is wrong? I really need your opinion/help! I've been dating this guy who I'm deeply in love with for a year and some months now. We are very loving and affectionate, our friends think we're sappy and crazy for each other, we're just very much in love. But there's been a bit of a problem in our relationship-and that is that I, the girl, am more interested in sex than he is. Don't get me wrong, I have thought about it for a long time and I am sure he is not gay or anything like that...he just doesn't have as much of a sex drive as most men are supposed to, and doesn't have as much of a sex drive as I do. Trust me, as the woman in the relationship, it HURTS to be "rejected" for sex, because dammit, that's just not the way it ever happens in the movies. Lol. He is definitely not cheating on me, trust me on this one. He's not that kind of guy, he's very loyal and affectionate and I know he doesn't have the time to cheat besides, lol. No, he's not way more attractive than me and I'm not sex-crazed. I get a pretty decent amount of attention from other men, and I'm not desperate for attention or throwing myself at anyone. I think I have an actually pretty moderate to average sex-drive, which means that he is definitely, definitely on the low side of average! He explains this by saying how he's concerned that the relationship will become about lust, that he won't really love me if we have sex too much, that he prefers to snuggle, etc. etc. It has become more and more hurtful over time, especially because, I have to admit, he is a really, really good lover. Really really good, when he wants to be. Is this healthy or normal? Should I try to do anything to reconcile this, or is it unsolvable? Don't hold back...HELP, please... Link to comment
bleeder Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Hi Aden, I can empathize with your situation. A low sex drive has been credited to many factors over the years. Alcohol, depression, medication, stress and low fitness levels, well the list would go on. I shan't ramble about them here. Here's a few personal tips you can do to 'encourage' him along. Get him to exercise more, runninng or swimming would be good, thus improving his heart condition (erection time has been linked to this), get him to cut down on alcohol if he does drink, and most important of all, try to find out if any issues are bothering him thus causing his stress levels to go up. On your part, some sexy lingerie wouldn't do anyone any harm. Remember that foreplay is just as important as the act itself. Keep us posted. With this, I wish you well! Link to comment
Shaun23 Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Aden What was your bofriends previous relationship(s) like. I watched a program on TV one day, where this couple had the same problem. Works out, the guy was in a previous relationship where it was also based on sex, and he didn't want his current relationship to go the same way. Have you spoken to your bf about this yet? Ask him if there are any previous bad experiences that are causing him to feel this way(Wants to cuddle). In this way, you might find out things that he is keeping locked away deep down, and is to scared or shy to share at this point in time. Just don't make it too big a deal(Even if it is a big deal for you)!He might feel threatened, and you might push him away. Let us know...... Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Buy yourself a sex toy, if you dont already have one and have some "alone time.' I think you need to learn to be responsible for your own sexual pleasure and this is a step in the right direction. I suspect once you stop pushing the issue, there will be a change in his behavior. Link to comment
Shaun23 Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Responsible for your own Sexual Pleasure Day_Walker???!!!!! Is it not about being close to your partner when you make love.Did you ever stop to think that this girl is also longing for a little intimacy??? Sex toy....LOL! Link to comment
aden357 Posted October 13, 2005 Author Share Posted October 13, 2005 He has been in a pretty messed up previous relationship just prior to ours, involving his ex using him and treating him pretty poorly. That may have something to do with it, and thank you for suggesting it. And no, the answer is not that I go and buy myself sex toys, lol. XD It's not just sex that I need, it's the knowledge that he can treat sex as an expression of love for me and with me, and that he actually enjoys being intimate. I guess he and I have different ideas about demonstrating love...I wish we didn't, that's all. Link to comment
Shaun23 Posted October 14, 2005 Share Posted October 14, 2005 I knew it!I should become a shrink!!HE I think you should have a sit down with your bf and tell him that you are not a nimf,who just wants sex for sex.Tell him that when you are intimate,that is the time that you feel closest to him!Let him know that you respect his way of thinking as well,and ask him if he sees where you are coming from. My gf started a job a while ago, and she works really long hours.At night she is really tired,and in this way our sex life has taken a beating.I explained to her(She could see I was down) that I miss being intimate with her,as this is the time when I also feel closest to her! Try talking it through with him. I am sure this will change his views a little...... Let us know...... Link to comment
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