Why it's like this :(

[cinnamon_pods]

First, I had problems with my family for knowing him. I felt so bad but stayed with him behind their back.

Then, he changed his feelings towards me being not sure he loved me or that he had 'conflicting feelings'.

There was no reason to stay then..It felt so hurting meeting him while everyone was mad at me & he wasn't even supporting me.

I stopped seeing him, only 3 days ago.

 

I know that was the right decision, but

I can't stop having an impossible hope that he just comes holding roses saying sorry & that he loves me so much & gonna marry me & saves me from all I'm facing.

 

I just can't give up this hope (knowing for sure it won't happen) & I fear It will lead me to meet him again or any fool thing. I check the phone & e-mail all the time like crazy & find nothing.

 

I really don't want to go ask him to marry me while he doesn't even love me...

 

I want to be fine & want him to be fine & happy because I really care about him & we really loved.

 

But why he doesn't just comes & marries me & everything be fine? why there isn't this option why why..

 

Tell me how to forget this impossible option..

[HajiMaji]

Hey, you are hurting pretty bad right now. Its ok. I see you asking yourself questions and trying to make sense of what just happened. I dont think you should be doing that right now. It is so hard to understand why the people we love and are attatched to act the way they do. It hurts so bad and it is so complicated. Right now, I wouldnt focus on figuring out why everything is the way it is. Just let yourself feel crappy and eventaully you will accept it.

 

Just realize you are very hurt by your current situation. Let yourself feel all the emotions you are having. And once you have settled down a little bit start trying to become healed. Right now though things are just too intense.

 

I am sorry you are going through this. It is so hard and we are all here for you.

[hazlcha]

Maybe the best way to forget what you yourself know is not only impossible, but probably not wise either, is to NOT try to forget it. In other words, just leave it alone, honor the feelings and tell them that you appreciate them. Let them motivate you to love yourself more, and prepare to look for true love. If you can focus on doing things to move forward, instead of trying to control feelings from the past, you'll accomplish a lot. Feelings are natural, it's how we let them affect us that is so powerful. See your feelings as a good friend, encouraging you to improve and grow.

[cinnamon_pods]

Thank you for replying.

 

I always liked to appreciate my feelings & hated people who try to kill a feeling or say it's 'wrong'.

 

But now I'm confused. How I should like my feeling & appreciate it & just keep it a 'feeling' without translating it to any fool & not wise act ?

I wonder why things are not simple & why a good feeling doesn't mean it leads to a good act.

[hazlcha]

I think you can recognize a "fool and unwise act" by simply pausing and listening to your conscience. We all have done things on impulse that we later regretted. It's not foolproof. I find that a well placed question to myself at strategic moments is helpful, such as "What is the thing that will serve me best in this situation?" Find your own recipe for channeling feelings into good courses of action. Use all the tools, such as visualizing a bright future with someone else, repeating affirmations to yourself for growing and becoming a fuller person, getting encouragement from friends, whatever helps you grow from this and make right decisions that feel right. It's what we're all after.

[cinnamon_pods]

Now, I miss him so much as a friend. I need to tell him about all the things in my daily life & how I feel about it, like I used to do.

 

I need him because I'm tired & not ready now to search for a friend & tell them the detailed story of my life (which I really don't wanna remember) until they become able to understand me. He was my only real close friend & he knew everything.

The other people I knew weren't that close. I tried to get closer to my sister but she's married & won't be there all the time for me to listen to my thoughts.

 

Am I making excuses for myself to see him again? How do I overcome that?

[HajiMaji]

its very hard to accept hes gone for you. It is completely understandable though!! It took me a looonng time to accept my ex was gone.

 

You dont need someone to listen to your every thought. It feels amazing and i love it - but you will learn to be alone for a while. Its so hard going from an intimate relationship to being single. It takes time to adjust. You will adjust just like everyone else, but it takes time.

 

And right when you get to the point where you are ok being single and being ok with not having someone to talk to your day about you will find yourself right in another relationship. This time with someone hopefully a little more suiting.