when i was younger

[secret01]

when i was younger my step dad used to beat me up and my mum stayed with him. we had the police at our house a lot because of him, and he also perved at me a bit. but the problem is even though i have denied it but it has effected me. i dont let anyone touch me ( even hug ) and i cant talk to anyone about my personal problems.

 

i really admire anyone who has been through what i have and even worse and not let it affect them. but its really starting to get to me i do want to let ppl get close, but i just cant.

 

thanks for any help

[annie24]

Hi - Welcome to eNotalone. I am so sorry to hear about this. What your dad did was absolutely horrible. Have you ever talked to a therapist about this? Maybe a therapist can help you work through some problems so you can feel close to people again.

 

Good luck and take care

[secret01]

thank you annie for replying,

 

i have though about going to a thererpist but i cant do it, my mum has gone, but that was mostly about having me at such a young age, and then the abuse we got from my stepdad. and to tell you the truth it hasnt help her much its transferred more anger onto me.

 

my step dad is still about but hes better now i went through alot to protect my younger bros. and now he spoils them to make up for me. but my prblems still remain. i get these anger urges and they scare me, but i know they would never transfer into hurting people.

[annie24]

I think it's definitely worth going to a therapist. The issue won't be fixed overnight, and I doubt you would feel better after a few sessions. It is hard internal work you have to do, but I think you should, rather than letting it eat away at you. You may want to find a different therapist than the one your mom went to.

 

If you are in university, the school can provide you one for free.

[Meow18]

You did not deserve any of what he did to you. Even if he's better now, that's great, but you are still left with the pain. You still have to deal with the pain.

 

I really think you should reconsider talking to someone. You are punishing yourself for something you didn't do wrong by holding it all in. You might feel better after letting it out and being able to talk to someone.

 

How you are feeling is really normal, so don't feel like you are crazy or something. I can't even imagine what it must be like to have gone through what you did.. and to still be hurting. Just remember that we are all here for you.

[Tigris]

I've just been to see a Psycho Sexual Counsellor today. She says that some of the problems I'm having now is due to sexual abuse I had at 13. I never thought of it as being that. As far as I was concerned the man only touched my leg. My main problem was the way he was making me feel. On one occasion he did try to kiss me and I ran away from his car.

 

I'm 42 now and still have problems with men.

 

Please go and ask for help. You can ask for a woman to deal with you.

 

Good luck and take care.

[sorryJason]

Go for help now, please!

 

believe me, you don't want to go through you whole life with problems that will start to pop up when you are older, look at poor Tigris! I am so sorry for her, but I know many people who have never dealt with their past issues and many that never will, and they are having problems in their lives now, and they can't understand why, or they don't think it is a problem!

 

I also have personal experiences with this, my dad physically and mentally abused me all my life, and I have had to deal with that ever since, I have had problems staying at jobs, problems at school, and problems with being abusive. I as soon as I started working on my problems things started going better and better for me!

 

Take it one step or day at a time, read lots of books, take what you can from them, you don't have to do everything the books say, but some of them have good info. Listen or read motivational books, self help books, etc. Also you might want to try a hypnotherpist, I never really believed in them, but I have been going to one now for a while and it has really helped, I am surprised. You should be proud of yourself that you realize that you have been affected by the abuse, this is the first step realizing that you need help to get over those past issues. Many people live their entires lives out in pain and anger without even admiting that they might need a little help with their problems!

 

Hope I helped a little!

 

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain

[Tigris]

Very well said sorryJason.

 

Well done for getting this far.

 

Good luck and take care.

[sick and tired]

Sorry to hear all the pain you've gone suffered. I strongly agree with everyone else, you really do need some professional help to deal with the abuse you've had in your life. You've made the first step by recognizing your emotions...keep going. Try taking it in steps, read books, talk to peers if you can or, find a local support group, but please continue with the process.

 

I would hate to see your life riddled with anger and relationship problems, you're too young and have too much to offer others to go through life feeling the way you do.

 

One other thing I thought of...now that your step dad seems to be trying to make up for his guilt with your siblings have you ever thought about talking to him about your feelings and your suffering? Maybe one step to your road of "health" is confronting your abuser, has he ever said he's sorry?

 

Good luck and know that all of us at enotalone are here to listen and help as much as we can...Take care, stay strong, and please continue with your healing process.

[secret01]

thank you all for your replies they meen a lot.

 

hes brought it up a litlle before when he has been drunk, but i have never disscussed it with him. i tried to tell my mum once about a year after he perved, and she went balistic, she went through different stages of shouting at me, in the end i denied it happened, it was easier that way.

 

Im not sure if i will see a therapist, i do try but i get to the door to make an appiontment and change my mind. i found it hard enough saying what happened on here let alone to someones face. but i hope in time i will have the courage to get past my fears.

 

I really apprieciate all the replies. thank you all and take care.

[sick and tired]

I'm soo sorry you're going through this. I just cannot believe the denial and drunkeness. I see you're 19, do you still live at home? I don't know what your financial situation is, but if you are at home have you ever thought about moving out, possibly with a roomate you trust? Your home environment just seems sooo completely unhealty I suggest you remove yourself from the situation and start focusing your energy on YOURSELF.

 

Although lonely as it may seem you may be come to find, gaining your indepence is a step away from a COMPLETELY UNHEALTHY SITUATION.

 

Remember a therapist or counselor is not there to judge you, they're there to HELP. Remember YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! Your step dad did, as well as your mother, THEY, not you should be ashamed of themselves. Although you may feel embarrassed to talk to others about your situation, their job and compassion are there to aid in your recovery, not make you feel bad.

 

Good luck

[secret01]

Thank you sick and tired, and everyone. i do still live at home but my step-dad moved out a few years ago. he only comes around to see the boys at weekends and aslo stays one night a week. we get on fine but i make sure the nights he stay im away. its easier to forgive then to forget.

 

i am focusing more on me now, i stoped going to school and missed my exams when i was younger, so now i am in college trying to get my qualifications back that i missed.

 

i will keep the therapist thing in mind, and i believe when im ready to confront my past in total i will go.

 

thank u and everyone, it helped to get that of my chest. and i hope this will help others in my situation.

 

thank you and take care.