Help me help a friend >_<

[Maverick32x]

Ok, i go to college and am a 2nd year student here and live with a room mate.

He is interested in this girl and tells me how much she means to him blah blah blah... but... the catch is... she has a boyfriend.... and from the looks of it, its a serious relationship.. (he bought her a diamond ring) and despite that she is in a serious relationship.. he continues to pursue her....

with success ... i frequently come back from the library to see the door locked... and for her to leave at around 4am.. and for him to tell me how they fooled around and stuff...

 

So in a nut shell.... i know they fool around alot.. and its getting worse.. (nearly every night)

My question is if any of you have advice to try to get him to change his "cheating" ways... he almost seems proud of it for some reason?

i know for sure that he is really interested in dating her... but if she cheats on her boyfriend now... why would he be any diffrent? and i brought that up to him.....

ive tried to talk to him about this before, since we are REALLY good friends... but he just wont listen..... he doesnt seem to see how he is ruining a relationship, and in the end going to just end up hurting himself.....

Everyone knows what he does with her, and its getting out of hand, and he is becoming more and more distant from his close friends...

Any advice is helpful, and if you have any questions go ahead and ask

Thanx~

[nexus532]

well this is a very tough issue to handle. Maybe you should persue her and talk to her about it. Your friend seems committed to her, but she may not be as committed to him, thereforeeee if you talk to her about things, possibly you can persuade her to drop him. Its basically you call on this, things can get out of hand if you make a wrong move. If you friend knows she is in a committed relationship, why does he insist on ruining a relationship, ith sounds like hes doesn't know what he wants.

[Maverick32x]

k, problem is im not really friends with her at all >_

[novaseeker]

Meh. This is hard.

 

Your friend may be thinking "hey, I'm winning her over", and that can be a very ego-stroking kind of thing in the sense that he may think he is able to pull her away from her existing boyfriend. That kind of ego-stroking could be making him blind to the reality that he is (1) stepping on someone else more or less directly (her bf) and (2) setting himself up for a crash landing at some stage. He may not care much about point (1), but he should listen to point (2). Even if she were to leave her bf over your friend (seems unlikely because she hasnt done it yet and he's not making her do it!), she would be a high risk for cheating going forward, and hence more pain for your friend.

 

So while he may feel like he is 'winning' by spending all that time with her and 'winning her away' from her bf, the only one who is really winning in this situation is the girl ... she is getting to keep her 'serious' bf and have her fun on the side. The two guys will, at some point, feel the pain of this, in my view.

[Maverick32x]

ya, mentioned it today, and he was a huge @!#@! to me... so im kinda pissed and now kinda hopes that it all blows up in his face.. maybe he'll learn a thing or too.....

[RayKay]

I REALLY hate situations like this.

 

I will be honest, I have chosen to end a couple friendships with people whom were either cheating on their partner, or being a knowledgeabl participant in an affair wiht someone whom was cheating on their partner.

 

I just decided long ago that I would not be in a romantic relationship with someone cheating on me, why would I be in a friendship with one whom was blatantly doing so too.

 

Of course, everyone is different...I just don't think I can be very good friends with someone whom disgusts me....

 

They are both definitely in the wrong here - her for cheating, and him for KNOWING she is doing so and participating in it.

 

He probably does it for ego, due to lack of understanding of the impact (most people who have been cheated ON know how it feels) and of future consequences. He knows damn well it's not "right" but he also is not seeing how in doing this HE is also being and will be used. If she treats her boyfriend like this, how will she treat him when the shine wears off?