Is there hope?

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I do not have much experience in relationship, but I do know this:

 

You want to get back together with him, you have to trust him first. Don't check on him who does he call. If not, you would appear like a control freak. Sorry, a bit harsh here! IMO, if my ex check on every move I make, I would feel creepy.

 

I believe relationship is a two way street. When one or both lovers started to fall out of love or pulling away with each other, they need to work out to rekindle the feelings they lost. For example, do something new instead of doing the same routine.

 

Learn from this experience. Try to open up your feelings to him. And have a honest communication--able to show your weakness comfortably.

 

I know it is hard for you right now not knowing what he is doing. Currently, what you could do is occasionally send some little things that would warm his heart. For example, send a simple card or message him saying "I am thinking of you." Short and simple, not too long and not to often.

 

I think this is a process to rebuild the feeling both of you used to have.

 

This is just my 2 cents.

[renaissancewoman101]

Right now, I am not sure what would warm his heart. He seems so determined not to have a relationship with me. I am not sure if I can change his mind. Right now, the only link I still have to him is the cell phone. I gave him a cell phone and he shares my plan with me. Other than that, he owes me about $1500.

 

I am not sure if he wants to work on rekindling feelings of love between us. I know I want to. He told me last week that he needed A LOT of time and space since he wanted to get his life back together and he didnt know what to do with me or our relationship. From the way he was acting last Sat., it seemed like he felt trapped and wanted out.

 

I have to respect him and give him time and space, otherwise, it will drive him further away from me. But, I do like your advice of sending him something small to warm his heart. I am not sure what I am going to do yet.

 

I am not sure if I should just give up hope or not.

[renaissancewoman101]

I just went to see my therapist to talk it out with him about my feelings and what I should do about this situation. From his take, he thinks I took my ex for granted and if I want to leave on good terms, I should write both him and his mom a letter apologizing for what I have done. I am not sure what I should do. I am still so devastated by what happened. I also have a sneaking suspicion that my ex may have found another woman. I am not sure about that though.

 

I decided to do something for myself this weekend to try and get myself out of the funk I am in right now. I also belong to a guinea pig messageboard. This weekend, about three hours from me, they are doing some rescue event where there were about 100 guinea pigs confiscated from a collector/hoarder, and one of the ladies from the guinea pig site is coordinating a rescue effort to get the guinea pigs healthy and ready for adoption. I volunteered to go and help them as a way of meeting people and getting out of the house so I would not think of my ex.

 

What do you guys think about writing an apology letter to both my ex and his mom???

[renaissancewoman101]

I am really bad. After yesterday when I said to myself that I can go on and not worry about the ex, and I signed up to go away this weekend to help a guinea pig rescue group, I fell off the wagon.

 

This morning, I was missing my ex and thinking about him at work. Work has been slow for a while so a lot of time on my hands. I miss him so much, want things to work out so much, etc. Yesterday, I had sent the letter to his mom telling her how much I missed her son and wanted to work things out. People on here say I should also send my ex a letter telling him how sorry I am and how much I want to work things out and that I love him, etc. I havent worked out sending him a letter yet, because when I saw him last about 2 weeks ago, he told me that he needed a lot of time and space from me, so I am trying to respect that.

 

I knew that his boss wasnt going to be at work today because it is a Jewish holiday and she is Jewish. So, I knew it was just going to be my ex and his co-worker. My ex's co-worker is a 45 year old gay man and his name is Jean. He is really fun to talk to. When I was still going out with the ex, I would always stop by to pick him up from work and I would talk to his boss and Jean. He knows me and always likes to chat with me whenever I would call for my ex.

 

I decided to have a friend of mines call my ex's work and ask for Jean. When the guy got on the phone, I took the phone from my friend and talked to him. At first Jean didnt recognize me on the phone, but when he did, he was exuberantly happy to talk to me, he was like "hey girl, how you been" and he mentioned my name. I quickly asked him if my ex was there and if he was in the vicinity and he told me he was there but not to worry, that he was in the stockroom getting inventory. I then asked Jean if he knew that my ex had broken up with me. Jean told me that my ex had told them about it. My ex has a tendency to talk about his home life at work, all the time. I then went and asked Jean how my ex was doing, did he talk about me at work anymore, does he seem to miss me, does he have another gf, and did Jean think my ex and I could get back together?????

 

Jean laughed when I asked if my ex had another gf and he said "your ex, yeah right". Jean also told me that my ex still talked about me at work, mostly about stuff that we had done before. Jean thinks my ex still misses me, and he thought my ex and I could get back together. I then asked Jean if I stopped by my ex's work in the next week or two to say "hi", did he think my ex would flip out. Jean said "no, and that my ex might probably like it" since he still thinks my ex misses me.

 

I have no idea whether to believe Jean or not. I am also afraid that he might tell my ex that I called and everything I told him. I dont trust him that well, and I have no idea if my ex was there listening to everything or not.

 

Do you guys think what I did could have sunk me even more? I havent talked to the ex in over two weeks. Still keeping NC, but trying to find out stuff in sneaky ways.