friends with ex but complicated

[refused_82]

Long story short, my ex and i were together 9 months........

 

it was a great rship, but he had GREAT difficulty exspressing emotions, things he felt, was worried abotu etc, basically a bad communicator........but he was an amazing person who still means world to me.......

 

we broke up for honest reasons, he broke up with me, we remained friends after 6 weeks no contact to heal........

 

Tho the problem now is that in our rship he never told me things i did right, but sometimes after we had fight etc he would sweetly and nicely tell me things that i did that would upset him, things i should improve on etc......it was like he was able to tel me things i did wrong but not things i did right.......also it was me who asked him out, it was me who made first move ( im his first gf n hes shy) it was me who always organised thinsg to do etc.....

 

now that we have broken up its still all me, still me who calls to hang out, me who msgs etc

 

n its got to point where i feel like why should it be me always, why doesnt he ever make the effort? hes such a kind amazing person who has always been there for me n who always is happy to spend time with me etc n we hav alot of fun n were good friends BUT am i asking too much by not wanting to be friends anymore cos he never makes an effot

 

i feel like esp since he broke up with me it should be him who is making the effort, i believe it takes two, i hate it alwya sn onl being me it makes me feel dumb, like maybe he doesnt really care etc

 

am i right to be upset?

 

its like hes only ever told me things i did worng n ever makes n effort in us being friends tho i know it means alot to him.......

 

i just wish for once he showed me it does matter to him , i just wish once he would be the on puttin in effort u know

 

am i wrong? what should i do?

[Bethany]

There is only so much anyone can take and he's already said he doesn't want to be with you so whats the point of repeatedly hurting yourself just to stay friends with a guy who doesn't seem to care either way?

[DN]

This isn't really a question of right or wrong. It is, unfortunately, the simple fact that you want a relationship or friendship with him more than he does with you. That doesn't mean he doesn't care about you - it just means he doesn't care enough to make any effort and doesn't have to because you already do.

 

I think you should back off some. Don't contact him as much and, most importantly, find new friends and a new boyfriend. Perhaps he will make more of an effort if you do that, perhaps not. But in either case, you will still be in a better place.

[refused_82]

i agree

i dont msg or ask him out alot as is, maybe twice a month...

 

its just sometimes he says no but says but we can do something tomorrow and he kinda organises things that way but it isnt at all the same as him callin me up out of blue just to ask me to do something......

 

he never does. when we hang we have great fun, so it snot like he hates me, but yah i guess he just doesnt care enuff.....

 

he used to call me while we were taking space b4 being friends but was always after i had sent an email or somehting

 

then last night i asked him to do tai chi n he never even replied, so im over it

 

its like i dont feel liek we r friends cos when ur friends with someone its noth of u asking/wantin to do stuff n chat etc

 

its like for all i know he doesnt give a crap wether we r mates or not so that doesnt exactly make me feel great so im ditchin him as a mate, the whole time we were together i trued to be n was understanding, when he wa sliek this i knew it was just him but now, now i expect alil more u know, its liek for once i wanna think abotu me n how it makes ME feel.....

 

i just dunno how to go about it