Love Triangle...I Need Advice

[romantic sweetheart]

Hi. I've presented a few problems here concerning my relationships, but underlying all the problems is this one:

 

I met Anthony on line four years ago. We wrote, met, fell in love, and he moved to California from Maine to be with me...he got homesick, wasn't ready, moved back home. We tried a long-distance relationship for two years, but due to the distance, communication problems, and frustration, things just dissolved. Although he tried to move back here after the two years, I felt my feelings had changed and said I couldn't try again.

 

He hung around my town for almost a year before deciding to give up and leave. During this time, I met someone else, Paul, and began dating him. Although I felt very drawn to Paul, many things were difficult to overcome, like the fact we have very different ideas about religion (he is an atheist, I am Catholic), morals, values, etc......Our relationship has been up and down for a year and a half. Right now, it's off again.

 

My confusion is this: Anthony hasn't given up on me, still wants to be with me. Paul also wants to be with me. Anthony and I share so many more thoughts, beliefs, wants, and desires...we have the same taste in music, decor, etc. I always did so much more with Anthony, and things like special cards, poems, anniversary gifts, etc. always filled our relationship. Anthony is a musician, and I am a writer. We could collaborate on creative pursuits. But the odd thing was...I didn't have a very physical relationship with Anthony, and couldn't feel close to him that way. I don't know...it always felt like Anthony was unsure of himself, never seemed too interested in physical desire, etc....

 

Then we have Paul, who seems to be such the opposite of me in everything. His interests are sports, and that's about it. We never write, we never even celebrated an anniversary. He isn't the type to plan romantic outings and surprises. Where Anthony would go all out, Paul fails to do much of anything.

 

But....somehow, and why this is I just don't know, I felt more sexually alive with Paul than I ever have with anyone. Not only that, but I feel I can talk to Paul and be comforted by him. Paul seems more emotionally aware than Anthony. Paul and I have cried together many a time, yet with Anthony, I never could feel so close like that. It never seemed like I could truly FEEL with Anthony..TALK with him...etc.

 

Why do I ache for Paul so much more than I did for Anthony, a man who appears to be everything I have ever wanted? Why can't I feel passion and affection for Anthony? Why do I feel so affectionate toward Paul, who seems to be completely wrong for me? I can't stand that I feel this way for Paul, and not for Anthony. Why do I feel so womanly and desirable with Paul? Why does our chemistry fill me up with desire, but Anthony leaves me cold?

 

I feel like I should choose what my mind says is the better match. In every way, Anthony sizes up to be someone who I would be madly in love with. Yet my heart is so tied up with Paul, this person I can't stand to be away from for more than a day. Already it has been three days, and I feel horrible not being able to hold him.

 

I keep thinking if I gave Anthony another chance like he wants me to, perhaps I can grow to desire him? He says he has become a changed man, and he wants to show me he can love and care for me.

 

I need help..I need to know what I should do. I just feel so confused and upset and sad all the time. There is so much more to this, but that is just the basic rundown. Can anyone help me? Has anyone ever felt similarly?

[cookies]

ive honestly never been in this kind of situation, but the best thing 4 u to do is slow way down, and give it time. Remain friends with both guys so that things will become more clearer to you as far as whats most important to u in ur future relationship. IN the beginning of relationships, we are interested in men for different reasons, and what they bring into the relationship, and some times the more rugged guys just have a way of sweeeping us off our feet, when the one that years later, we realize would have made a happier and more complete life together.

 

If i were you, i knew automatically which of the two id give my heart to...and that would be Anthony. For one, I am a artist, writer and love singing & music,..and theres nothing more special than having a guy that we have a mutual interest that we both enjoy and it would be easier to get him to participate in things dealing with that asides b reaking him away from friends and sports on tv. HIs belief in GOD is MOST important to me...and that automatically would be my indicator that hes the ONE...we have to be in one accord when it comes to this.

 

Everyone doesnt believe in God, and I judge noone, however its my personal preference to have a man that loves and worship GOD. YOu are facing a tough situation, but when u pray over it...im sure ull find uranswer..just keep me posted...

 

cookies

[tobigahart]

Anthony is your man in this situation outright! It is easy find someone who you find sexually attractive and as long as they're good looking (in your eyes) and you get along, you've got it. Finding someone who shares your exact interests and beleifs and would do anything for you can be excruciatingly difficult! The lower level of sexual attraction is only a minor thing and if after being together for a while, you still couldn't overcome it, at least you'd know you gave it a shot and you'd find being friends alot easier than if you always wondered what if? Once the attraction wears off between you and Paul you'll probably realise that your realtionship is missing the most important part.

 

Give Anthony another shot. There are plently of Paul's out there but Anthony seems like a one of a kind. My only advice if you do get back with Anthony, don't make being intimate an issue to worry about. If you show him you love him physically, the attraction will bring itself upon you Good luck...

[nxtbgthng]

Paul sounds a lot like me....into sports...don't put the effort into planning romance etc etc...he seems to be a very common person...walk out into the city and you can probably find 200 guys in one hour that like sports and want to have sex with you...depending on how long you've known him, maybe you should find out more depth but if he won't open up, that's gonna be hard...

 

Anthony with you has like 9 things out of 10...in all practicality, you should marry this guy...many married couple lose interest phycally after many years anyways...But one vital part is missing...to you, he is a friend, an activity partner, but not a companion and a person you feel love with...what you have with him sounds like it can last longer than what you have with paul, but it also sounds like you won't be completely fulfilled...

 

Maybe you need a love square instead of a love triangle...if there were only two men in the world you'd have a problem but there are more...depending on how eager you are to settle down permanently, you could probably find a different guy that you find is more complete (but don't get nit-picky)...if you are near that stage where you feel you want to settle down for a good long time (catholicism and atheist isn't bad for relationship just marriage right? i don't know much about that but/...), then you gotta go with what you feel will be longer...

[Pepsicola]

Well well well, seems like everyone is for Anthony and I would have to agree and here's why. My boyfriend was bad in bed I almost hated the end of the night. But I stayed with him because he had everything I was looking in a person. He just could fulfill me sexually. It got to the point where I tried to tell him but it just bruised he male ego. I finally went to relationship councils and told her the situation. The advice that I got I will share with you because it changed are sexually relationship like you wouldn't believe, now I cant wait to jump into the sack with him. The advice I received was just simply tell him what you want him to do to you in bed, tell him and don't be embarrassed about it,tell him what pleases you, my boyfriend was more than eager to know what I wanted and needed. Now are sexual relation is the best I ever had, simply because we talk in the bedroom what we want from each other. Touching someone where you need to be touch can be learned but other things cannot. This is why I vote for Anthony, he can learn to be sexual with you but this Paul guy can learn about God but will he ever chose to believe? Probably not. Special poems and cards, yes you could tell Pual that you want these things but I believe it would be fake and it would soon ware off. Basically the thing with Anthony can be easily learned and acquired but the thing about Paul will not, and please believe me I know from experience, so go ahead and give Anthony another shot and when it comes time for sex tell him what you want, your sex life will not only become stronger but more satisfying.

Peace out

~~~Pespsi~~~~cola~~~

If you need to chat drop me a line