spiraling down to depression

[kiwifly]

I don't know who to talk to about this. Seems like I don't have anyone left in my life whom I can share my feelings with.

 

The past month has been a never-ending struggle to stay positive. Just when I thought things were going great everything is going absolutely wrong. Sometimes I just sit down and cry. I've been like this for so long now that now when I smile I feel fake and artificial. I've forgotten to laugh and conversations with those who are left of my friends seem awkward and strange.

 

I realized at the beginning of the month that a friend of mine who used to be my best and closest friend has drifted away from me. She's closer now with a girl who also used to be a friend of mine but now isn't anymore and since they're off at the same college together I barely hear from her. Also most of my friends I've come to realize just don't care about me. A lot of them have had gatherings and plans without informing me and no one ever calls: i always have to look for them. Althought I see them once in a while at school it is still very awkward and they mostly talk amongst themselves than to me.

 

I've also realized that its partially because of the way I like to spend my time. I'm not one to go to a club or bar scene to have a good time. My good time consists of nice dinners or evenings spent at someone's house watching movies or talking at a small coffee shop. While my friends go out and have fun at those scenes I have no one left to spend time with. I've realized they don't even bother to ask me anymore because they know I'm not like them. So I just feel so lonely

 

I also have no guy in my life. I've never been asked out and the only date I've been on (if you could even call it that) was my prom. Althought I know that over time guys have liked me (I've heard from people or they just made it quite clear) I haven't had any relationships. While I was enjoying the single life I guess now its just not enjoyable anymore knowing that I'm going to be single the rest of my life probably.

 

I don't know...sometimes I just feel like locking myself in the house and unhooking the phone. I know that it wouldn't even make a difference since nobody seems to bother. I just feel so down but I don't want to. I want to cheer myself up but no opportunity is arising at all. I remind myself that things could be worse, that my situation is actually good compared to what others are going through and that its ridiculous to feel this horrible. But I can't help it.

 

Is there anything I can do to get out of this downward spiral before its too late?

[volution]

Don't cry... you're not alone in your loneliness

You sound similar to me - like you, I have very few friends, and all of them are all into the bar/club thing, and I hate it. I'd rather spend my time with someone talking one-on-one, or watching a film or having a nice old-fashioned dinner; and I feel like I'm always the one finding out, rather than someone calling me up and invite me out...

 

I don't have any romance in my life either, and I feel that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life - I just don't know all the 'games' and the 'words' and rubbish you have to say and in what order to even become friends with someone!

More than any one thing in the whole world, having someone special is the thing I dream of the most. "You can forget the things you have, but you can't forget the things you don't...". My loneliness eats away at me...

 

I've been struggling to stay positive - every time I even see a glimmer of a shadow of an echo of a chance of something, it fades away and vanishes almost as quickly...

 

I too don't know what to either... When I was younger I used to cry tears at night every night... But now only my soul cries...

 

Just remember, that even though the world seems like a rubbish, crap, awful, lonely, dirty, stressful, exhausting place (it is!), remember the good things that you have inside your heart and soul.

Don't let the world take them away from you!

And you can always talk to me or others on here...

[arwen]

Hey kiwifly,

 

I am sorry you feel so down. Are you somewhere in college as well, or working? Things change a lot when you end high school. Friendships change, and schedules change. It can be a very confusing period, really.

 

Maybe it helps you to do the opposite you feel. When you feel like isolating, call someone and ask them for dinner. It's no problem that you are not a bar scene type. I rarely go out in that way, I meet most of my friends over dinner or at small cafés. A lot of people are like that, you just need to find them. I met most of my current friends in university or through jobs. I developed friendships by meeting friends of friends, and yet I am still lonely at times.

 

There is a part of loneliness, I believe, that is not related to the number of people you meet or the frequency you meet other people. This is the part where you can still feel lonely even if your closest friend is near you. It's where you are disconnected with the world. I think the core of your work, and re-building your life, can start where that sort of core-loneliness comes from. In my experience, this feeling comes from the thought that no one can relate to you, or no one understands you. This is a thought that occurs in you when you feel very low about who you are.

 

In other words, try to be friends with YOU first. You are a lovable person, and the love you need the most, comes from yourself. In a way, shutting yourself off when you are already down, is a way to NOT want to make yourself better. Like you don't feel you deserve to be around people.

 

I hope this makes sense. I hope the frienship of us here at the forum helps you as well.

 

Hugs,

 

Ilse.

[Beec]

First of all, I have been where you are now, and I know how it feels. I never really had a "girlfriend" until I was 22, although there were some "dates' before then, nothing lasted more than a few weeks. And for the most part, I since about that time have had and still have friends, I am not normally the glue of my social groups. I can be the life of the party, and am known as a good guy to have on your side and I can bring people together. But once a social group forms, I am not the one that keeps it together. And I am kind of happy with this role, although I am trying to change it. And that is my suggestion here, change it.

 

Being social, making friends, getting dates, etc. involves skills and your attitude, as well as some tactics and strategies. There are crutches that can be used as you learn to develop the skills, etc. One crutch I used at parties, and it can be used elsewhere, at one time, was to go in thinking to myself that I was going to play a character all night. I would decide that tonight was a night in which I was going to imitate James Bond, but I did not adopt the accent AND I did not tell anyone else. It was in my head and my head alone. And it worked. And then I learned how to jsut do it myself, because I was, without the crutch.

 

So learn how to do this stuff, learn how to develop the skills, and do it. It can be done.

[Jetta]

Okay you're 19, and that is a HUGE transitional age. A lot of things are changing at once and it's hard. It's okay to cry, release the feelings, then realize that you will make new friends. You will one day have a great guy in your life. Figure out what it is you want to achieve and go for it! This is the time to focus on what YOU WANT. Please yourself and the rest will come around.

[kiwifly]

Thank you all for your replies. It's taken me a while to respond because after I wrote that message I just basically turned off my computer and just didn't feel like talking to anyone, online or not.

 

But after reading your opinions I see that I should take action and not just sit around and pity myself like this. I'm going to try to have people I want in my life (positive and supportive) and do things I want to do. Although I'm shy I'm going to try to be more social. I signed up for a few clubs and meetings at my school this morning and hopefully I'll meet people with my interests there.

 

Thanks again for your help. You don't know how much it meant to me knowing that I wasn't alone