shoving match

[cubsfan]

Well, I'll try to make this short. I got home a few weeks ago and my bf was asleep on the couch and the stink of booze was rolling off him. Our Harley was outside and I jumped to conclusions and barked at him for driving it drunk again, which he didn't. Anyhow, words were said and he shoved me against the wall, into his daughter's room, threw me on her bed, then threw me on the floor, all the while screaming at each other. He also had his forearm accrosss my windpipe, but not pushing down on it. Next morning, he barely remembers anything, which I think is a copout. He apologized to me and then said but "you shouldn't have gotten in my face. " I apologized to him for the fight also. He has a history of battery from bar fights but never against a woman. I'm the first. Should I get out? That night, something died in me and feel different toward him now, but can't explain it. I still love him but things are definitely different in my heart. He yelled at me last night because the dogs woke him up and he immediately went back to sleep. , then he called me today and said "You really need to learn to fill the dog's water bowls up half, I had to clean up a big mess" and kept on about it. He told me our one dog had burrs in her fur on Friday-I just picked them out a few minutes ago. What is going on with him? He's very unhappy at work but I'm ready to pull my hair out!!! Any advice out there????????????

[babycristy456]

hi, i just read your story. I am sure that you will get a lot of replies on how you should leave your boyfriend. Well, I think telling you that is a waste of time. You need to step back right now and realize that this is not normal behavior in any relationship. God knows that me and my boyfriend fight and yell but never will he lay a finger on me. There is a line that men cannot cross when it comes to that. Unless of course, that is that way they are naturally. You said this guy is your boyfriend (not even your husband) which means you might not know him long enough or his history to decide his abuse with women (Trust me, there is alot if things women don't know about men and they just believe anything and everything they throw at you).

 

Ultimately it is up to you if you want to stay in a relationship like that. If you really care about him, ask him to see therapy or talk to him about his recent behavior. If you are afraid to even talk to him about it, because he might blow up on you again, then you have fear for a reason....bc he obviously has scared you enough.

 

I don't want to make this long, but honestly. Bottom line is that we women (sometimes even men) live in a world where we don't even know the person who we are sleeping with is anymore. The point is to watch out for yourself because you might end up like those victims in the news. (I am sure none of them thought anything BIG of a a couple of black eyes.."no big deal"...or is it???...."

 

Alright, well good luck hun and i hope you do what is right for yourself, not for anyone else.

[DN]

Judging from your previous posts he has gone from the most wonderful guy in January to an abusive drunk in September.

 

I advise you to leave.

[redandblack]

Violence is NEVER EVER okay.

 

This is a HUGE red flag.

 

Throwing you into a wall? Throwing you onto a bed? Fore arm against your throat?? That sounds an awful lot like assault to me.

 

He's your boyfriend, yes, but how much can he love you if he is going to do something that could permanantly injure you? Seriously think about that. Would you EVER imagine doing something like that to him?? No. This is unnacceptable.

 

You sound like a great person. You're concerned for your boyfriend's safety and his daughter, too (being dad-less at a young age is never good, but that's another subject) which shows that you are a locing individual. You deserve so much more in a relationship than this.

 

I will stand by this: Nobody should EVER accept violence in a relationship. That is a very justified reason for breakup AND divorce.

 

You should at least think about my opinions. Take care and stay safe!

[armchairshrink]

He apologized to me and then said but "you shouldn't have gotten in my face. "

Hmmm, so he remembers you getting in his face, but he doesn't remember assaulting you? Sounds very fishy to me.

 

If you believe you're the first woman he's ever assaulted and you want to try to work things out with him, then AT LEAST insist on rehab and therapy for him. Therapy as in 'anger management' and rehab for what looks like an alcohol problem. (If someone's personality changes when they're drunk, then they are classified as an alcoholic even if they don't drink every day.)

 

Having said that, what I really think is that you should leave him. VIOLENCE IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE. Even if he does go to therapy, his violence will get worse before it gets better. These things don't go away overnight. Do you really want to stick around for that? Do you still love him enough to be his punching bag? You mentioned that something died in you after this assault -- next time (and there will be a next time) it could be you. I hope he doesn't beat his daughter, too.

 

He needs to find out that it's not OK to take out his work problems on you or anyone else.

 

Please keep us posted!

[metallicachica247]

i really dont know... he cannot drink anymore if he is going to be violent and abusive to you as a result... if this happens at all, you do need to leave, but before that you may want to warn him so he gets the picture.

[Itsok]

It's not worth the effort with someone who is going to be abusive.

 

Leave with your head still intact.

[Shadows Light]

I made the mistake of rationalizing. "ohhh it only happens when he's drinking." and yes.. I was shoved and pushed into walls. Once chased down the street, as I tried to flee the house. And he halled me back like a sack of potato's. And a struggle ensued.

 

And I rationalized it away. He was drunk.

 

So every time he was angry.. what did I do. I'd pull my head back into my shell like a turtle. And keep my mouth shut lest I say something to get him going. I learned a new behavior. Obediance training they call it. LOL.

 

As the years passed... the verbal and emotional abuse grew. lol.

 

And... it started happening when he was't drinking.

 

 

So.. my advice to you is... to leave. Get out. There is no excuse.

 

I agree with another poster.. he remembered that YOU got hin your face. But he doesn't remember what he did. How very convenient... to place all the blame on YOU.

[yeawutever]

So according to him, it's ok to to shove u whenever he gets drunk and yell at u?? Holy crap, if I were you, I would have responded back, kick him in the balls, beat the heck out of him. Yes I know, violence doesn't solve violence, but if someone lays a finger on me, just one tip of my hair, he/she will get some from me. It's really ur desicion if u wanna stay with a drunken, yeller, loser with no future. Do u really think u deserve that, if so, ur putting urself low. Try to imagine if u stay with him, will u ever see him the same way?? Prollie not, he has affected u already and it's gonna get worst, that's just the beginning.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

if the capability is in him when he's drunk, it'll be in him when he's sober.