Losing gf to her x-bf? help please!

[boston6717]

I really don't know what to say or where to start. But I guess the beginning is the best place. I have been dating my current gf for almost 8 months now. We are in love and I never have questioned that. Previous to our relationship, my gf was involved with someone else for 5 years. Things were broken off between the two of them on somewhat good terms and a break up that couldn't necissarily be explained by much other than two people heading in different directions and not knowing anything other than each other. During our relationship her x-bf made things a living hell. He would consistantly hurt her and give her guilt trips whenever he missed her and felt he was the victim. It was easily a case of emotional and mental abuse. In the past month her and I have moved in together and things could not have been better. Recently he has seemed as though he is starting to move on and genuinly accept that she is involved with me now. However, this also comes hand in hand with him moving out of the state, 3 or so hours away. Since his move, she has missed him more than ever. And I have recently found out that she not only misses him in her life, but also their relationship. Its has been three weeks since he moved, and there has definitely been a decrease in the amount of time she was happy. Not to mention that as a result of her being in this state, we have begun to have arguments over the stupidest things. She insists that nothing is wrong, and does not know that I am aware of why she is upset. I don't know what to do. If this is just something that she needs time to accept, I don't want to bring it up and cause more problems between us. However, I have the knowledge that my gf misses being with someone else, how do I hide my pain? She says that she is happy with me, and that she isn't going anywhere, but that is hard to accept with the other conditions. I don't know what to think or do, this is a lot for me to handle. Any advice is welcome.

[soul]

Hey man, I feel your pain. I am in almost the same exact situation and trust me, I know exactly how you must feel. Please read my posting under " My girlfriend is thinking about leaving for her Ex boyfriend" You probally have that drowning feeling too, because there is not too much you can do. Your situation is complicated because you live together. This makes it harder to give her some space and time which she really needs right now. She is confused. I don't know how a girl who has a good thing can just lose all the common sense in the world, and leave a good guy for some @$$ hole that has treated her bad. She needs closure from her EX B/F. I'm sure she loves you and there is a reason you moved in and share your lived together. But there is something about women and abusive boyfriends, it is the rejection or something. Well what I have been doing is giving my girl her space. I don't call her, or see her which is easy since she lives 200 miles away. I just wrote her a letter telling her what she means to me, reminding her of what we have together, reminding her of the how her Ex abandoned her and I told her that I am going to move on with my life. I told her that ultimately it is up tp her what she wants to do. I told her to take her time and decide what she want but I am not going to put my life on hold.

 

Boston, in the end all you have is your self respect and dignity. You have to be true to yourself, and realize that you deserve to be with someone who is going to love you and only you. You should not have to worry whether she is thinking about her EX, or seeing him behind your back. You deserve to have some one who will be loyal and appreciate you and the times you share. The hardest part is accepting that this girl may not be the girl for you. Trust me I know how you fell. I too have to accept that my girl may be very well be leaving me too. As much as I love her and as bad as I want her to be the one, the hardest thing I have to do is let go in my heart. But I can't wait around and keep being hurt by her.

 

In the end you have to ask your self the following: Do I really want to be with someone who is going to consider leaving me for some guy who has hurt her? My advice is tell her how you feel, let her know she is hurting you, and give her the space and time to figure this out. After this don't pressure her don't bring up your relationship, don't put a guilt trip on her and be as supportive as you can be in her life. And for gods sake live man live! You will be alright in the end these things work out for the best, or I'm hoping at least.

I hope this helps, good luck to you. Soul.....