I Cant get over her, and dont want to.

[Does_Darkness_Turn2_Light]

Ok, I'm a new member here and I just found this site when I was searching questions into a search engine. My problem is a big one that has lasted over a time spand of 3 years. Now I do mention that we talk online alot, but we wherent a square couple. we did a lot together. just my examples come from online conversations.

 

When my 7th grade school year started, I met this girl in 8th grade that i liked a lot. It took me awhile to work up the courage to ask her out, but i finally did. We dated for about 4 months, but with her graduating 8th grade and going into high school and me still back at the elementry school next year, she decided to break it off. And we left it on a good note and remained friends. we still chatted online and stuff. but for what ever reason i never got over her. all through grade 8, i thought about her. even though she was at another school, and i saw her maybe 3 - 4 times that hole school year.

 

i rarely talked to her online once school started. during my 8th grade year there was 3 occasions where if i acted i could of gotten someone new. and these were popular, good looking girls. all my friends would tell me "go for it! get with one of these girls. there way hotter than yur ex" but i could never bring myself to date anyone else. all i wanted was her. i kept telling myself, just be patient. u'll be in grade 9 up at the high school with her very soon. i kept telling myself...good things come to those who wait.

 

eventually the 8th grade was over, and i started talking to her online again in the summer. she hadnt had a boyfriend since me, i hadnt had a g/f since her. it all seemed to be falling into place. it felt like old times. when september rolled around, it didnt take very long for us to be together again. i thought i finally had done it! i had her back. sparks were flying. things were awesome! but then that faithful spring day came. she dumped me. she said she just didnt want to go out anymore. never gave a real reason why. i just couldnt understand why we broke up.

 

we didnt talk the rest of the school year. i lived for about 2-3 months wondering "will we ever be together again?" but one summer night after grade 9 her friend started telling me online that she still has feelings for me. i was stoked. a couple days later she was online and i talked to her for the first time since we broke up. it felt like the sparks started flying again. we talked all night.after that we talked and talked every so often. we had talked about going out again, and she said that she wasnt ready to go out again, and we agreed to remain friends. roughly like 3-4 times a week. then there was an incident. a mis-understanding between us. and she started to ignore me again. i thought to myself....what have i done? i had her back and lost her again.

 

we went all of august without talking. then one early sept. night i was online really late. she came on, and we talked and talked and talked. there was a spand be4 school started where we talked for about 5 nights in a row. we were friends, but we were very close. we talked about sex, and things you usually dont discuss with friends of the opposite sex. i felt like we would be together again, but i knew i had to be patient and not rush it. lately we havent really talked at all.

 

she is starting to ignore me again. this time i dont know why. i didnt say anything this time. there was no mis-understanding. she has this guy friend that she hangs out with a lot....but he is clearly just a friend, and isnt the most attractive guy in the world....but has he somehow taking my place? i know we will probably associate as friends again, but should we? if i moved on, i think she would too.

 

but my problem is i cant move on. what is wrong with me? how come i cant get her out of my head? how come i have these fantasies of marrying her in 10 years? are we meant to be together? or is it all in my head? if she got over me then how come she always she's to find her way back to me? and we go through these cylces of being best friends, and then never talking to each other. i know this is a lot of questions but i am really confused. the thing is, i dont want to move on. this is the only g/f i have ever had. and its the only one i ever want. what is wrong with me? Thanks for any replies.

[heloladies21]

It's a dead issue, you need to cut all contact with her so you can save your time for talking to other girls. You need to talk to other girls, force yourself if you have to.

[DN]

It is very hard to read a post that is not split up into easy to read chunks - paragraphs.

 

You are much more likely to get responses if you paragraph.

[Does_Darkness_Turn2_Light]

I hope that helps....

 

But to answer the other post. I appreciate your advise....but if i broke off all contact with her the first time we would never of gotten back together again, and if i did the second time, we would never of been great friends. who is to say we cant be together again?

[MetallicAguy]

You need to get rid of that nice guy disease dude. It's killing your chances of getting her like a plague. If you want her have her come to you. Which means you have to ignore her for a while, it works a lot.

 

we didnt talk the rest of the school year. i lived for about 2-3 months wondering "will we ever be together again?" but one summer night after grade 9 her friend started telling me online that she still has feelings for me.

You basically ignored her here, she wanted the ego boost back of you drooling over her and ended up liking you in the process lol.

 

she has this guy friend that she hangs out with a lot....but he is clearly just a friend, and isnt the most attractive guy in the world....but has he somehow taking my place?

He has confidence, more self-esteem and isn't clingy. You have to stop pressuring her for a relationship man, then when she "calms down" and starts going after you , you can mold her in like PlayDoh .

 

What you have to do man is act like she doesn't mean very much to you. Ok, so I had a major crush on this girl I noticed the more attention I gave her and stuff the more she ignored me. Think of it as tug-o-war, if you sucker in too much you won't win. But you want her to be the one chasing you, you shouldn't be chasing her.

 

this is the only g/f i have ever had. and its the only one i ever want. what is wrong with me?

It's easy. Being a nice guy is killing you, you can't just put up with her **** and let her take your power. And this is exactly why you experiment a few or more times with girls (dating) because if you stick with one girl it will kill you when you break up and that's what happened here.

[DN]

I think that the trouble is that most of the sparks were flying from you - not from her. It seems she is only into you when there is no one else.

 

I agree that you should forget about her and find someone else. Hard to do - but it is definitely the best thing.

[Does_Darkness_Turn2_Light]

Thanks for the advice. But right now I am leaning towards what that Metalica guy told me.

Seriously though, after we broke up the second time i didnt talk to her for a good two months or w/e. and then her friend told me she wanted me back i hope that was because i made it look like i didnt want her. if so than thanks man, you know your stuff. i will take that advice. i will not talk to her for awhile.

everyone else, i appreciate the advice. but i dont know. i think i want to give this one last shot. because u never know.

[MetallicAguy]

i hope that was because i made it look like i didnt want her

It more than likely was

 

if so than thanks man, you know your stuff. i will take that advice. i will not talk to her for awhile.

You can talk to her once in a while but not for a long duration. If you want her to think about you 24/7 try getting a great conversation going and like right when it's going awesome, say you have to log off/hang up and then hang out at your friends, it'll drive her nuts in the good way of course lol.

 

But yeah thanks .

[m4viz]

Metallic Guy is kinda young to follow his opinion.

 

It's best to break it off. she's not in to u any more. she came beak to u beacuse she's lonely and needed ur comfy. but she has her heart on someone else. U should too.