When body contact is more than friends II

[charmed]

Hi Guys,

 

The history

link removed

 

Update on my situation. Woke for two hours last night and was in serious heart pain. I need to close this situation. Can I get some help here.

 

I received a text message from her last night - it was sent on Sunday night at 9 - the time I was walking in the park waiting for said text. What a pisser - my phone network has cost me sleep and heartache. Anyways, this is what has happened.

 

The text said -

 

I'm feel confused 2. I'm sorry, I shouldn't havegotten so close. I guess I just felt like I needed some closeness.

 

That was not what I wanted to here.

 

I rang her 2 times around 7 yesterday, but there was no answer - I got a text at 9 saying this :

 

Hiya Al. I just saw ur missed call. I'm actually in a friends house & it's kind of a bad time, sorry - I'm not tryna avoid u. Can I ring you 2morrow evening?

 

(I had asked her in a text was she avoiding me).

 

I sent her this back:

 

Yeah, Cool! It can wait. U get back with ex then!? DOn'tstress: it's cool, but we must talk. Take care

 

Then I followed with this about ten minutes later:

 

In fact, would prefer face to face either lunch or evening tomorrow in town. Which suites u?

 

I haven't heard from her - but my phone could be broken agan - it was on Sunday night. I don't want to have that conversation on the phone.

 

Help here would be nice.

 

Hurting,

 

Al.

[Tolly]

I feel like I should give you some advice as you have been helping me soo very much.

 

But I am confused. Your situation isnt a million miles from mine. Your advice to me should still apply here. Shes 'using you' as a crutch. Where as my ex was using me as either a reassuring fall back position if new relationship fails or and ego booster. She may not be meaning to but shen ever she needs comfort she goes to you, but it sounds like afterwards she just chucks you away until next time. You need to have a clean break. Tell her no if you rings and wants 'cuddles'.

 

Steve

[charmed]

The problem is that I have a music working relationship with her. She is a singer, I'm a musician - and we are working on a project for some music heads in London. If the project falls apart, I'm gonna look stoopid. I wouldn't have let it get this way if I hadn't been lead down the garden path.

 

Now I really feel that th eworking relationship can not survive as she has abused my trust and f**ked with my emotions so badly - while on the Job !!!!!

 

What should I do here ?

Al.

[Tolly]

Again...its similar as my ex is in the same small town with me. This week I bumped into them 5 times!

I delt with it by ignoring her. Not blanking her but imagining that what had happened over the last 2 1/2 years meant nothing, it never happened. But it is hard work and I know your going to find it harder as you work closely together. But if you have to be there then thats the only way forward I can see

[charmed]

I need to meet her and sort this out. Im not sure she has got back with the boyfriend - maybe she hasn't which will make it even more complicated. If she has, then I am going to have a serious problem dealing with it. The working relationship has suffered already as we haven't been able to talk about something that we really needed to yesterday - due to this mess. That could cause a problem, but we will have to see. I need to meet her tonight and get this sorted before it gets out of hand..

 

That is presuming she will meet me. She has not replied, but she is not getting away with it. I'm getting more angry than hurt as I really see what has happened, and I have to blame her for that. I want to hear her story, cause I haven't so far. After hearing that full story (presuming she tells the truth), I can decide what to do and where to go. Last night "the friends" house could have been the boyfriend or not - that would explain why it was a "bad Time". If thats the way it is going to be iun the future, then there may be a problem. Work is work, and the music industry is notorious for ruthlessness, One of the biggest problems in the industry is the involvement (emotionally) of boyfriends and girlfriends in the artists work. Funnily enough, the boyfriends are famous for being worse than girlfriends !!!!

 

Can I get some advice on what to say to this girl without seeming like a complete ba*t*rd please guys?

 

Al.

[Tolly]

You just have to talk through what your feeling with her and make some decisions with her and stick to them (just as you told me). Dont plan anything, just talk

[pimpcess]

Yeah I agree with Tolly, this girl sounds majorly confused, and is playin big games with you, I'm sorry 2 be the 1 to p*ss on the parade here but she's havin her cake and eating it too, and I wouldn't talk to her while your so angry, give it time, it is so not fair on you, to be the one to be there when she wants 'closeness', when you feel so much 4 her, I dont mean 2 be harsh I just don't feel u should let her walk all over u anymore, like I said I dont know her or her backround or her intentions but from what your saying it really sounds like this girl is causing nothing but heartache here, and I think u owe it to yourself to stop this situation right now. As 4 the working situation is it really worth all of this sadness.... I hope I havent bummed u out, Im just being honest...

[charmed]

She was planning on ringing me tonight, but I don't want to talk about this on the phone- thats why I want face to face. We were meant to work on Thursday, but I don't want to devote that to this issue (if we are going to work), and I am not available tomorrow night - I've another session on. thereforeeeeee, tonight is the night. Yes I agree, she is majorly confused - I think that she is or was genuinely interested in me, but has found me second on the list. I just need closure and facts on this. She has the answere. I'm mainly telling people in here to simply talk to that person, and the same applies here I guess.

 

I am not going to let her walk anywhere on me anymore - (unless we get together of course which seems unlikely now) and that's for sure. I am not into being walked on, and I know that she will hurt when she sees what she has done to me. Thats part of the reason shes being so quite. Also that she may have just killed her music project - and that will also sadden her as it is a great oppertunity for her.

 

 

I'm not closed to the idea of letting her go - I have more projects lined up anyway - but I do want to give her the chance to come clean and tell me her side of the story. I need facts, not my fiction. I have no problem composing myself to meet her and keep a cool head, but I'm certainly not going to pretend to be happy!! That would be crazy. She mad her bed, and doesn't want to sleep in it - thats her problem. I will be over this in a month anyway - the question is how it plays out from here !

 

Wow, I'm so anxious and tense.

Girls, I know you are not all like this, but in fairness - some of you are off the rails !!!!

 

Any comments?

 

Al.

[pimpcess]

I think your attitude is good here, It sounds like u've put things in perspective! Keep it up and good luck!

[pcardoso]

Ok, I'm wiling to be the "black sheep" on this one and I hope you don't hate me for what I'm about to saying; just think you need to hear this.

Look at yourself, Charmed; read carefully what you wrote. Of course the girl is confused, but it isn't necessary (at least for now) look for there; let's focus on you.

 

You almost had a panic attack for the fact she hadn't reply your message. She took some hours and you flipped. Is that what you want? I think you should stop for a moment and see what you're doing to yourself. And believe me, I'm not condemning you (my ex, "the one" has panic disorder and I know what this is and the pain it causes), just saying you need help. What kind of help? It's up to you, but please be honest with yourself. (Let's suppose, she is in fact thinking about you; how would you feel, the next time she'd arrive 10m late to a meeting? Would you start phoning to the hospital? (I know I'm taking this to the extreme, but understand my difficulties in expressing myself in English and I'm just trying to explain you my point of view). The point here is that you have some anxiety problems and you need to take some measures (probably some professional help) to deal with it.

 

Another thing that caught my attention: the working relation. Why in the hell you should stop the working relation? Of course, some bounds were broke and now it's more difficult; but apart resolving the personal issues, you have also to define your working relation and leave that perfectly clear.

 

Finally, the girl. I also agree she's confused and you two should sit down and discuss what's going on. But, regardless the conclusion, I think you should work on yourself.

 

I hope this could help and once again forgive me for being so direct.

[charmed]

I don't deny that my weakest point is my emotions - I know how much love matters to me - I'm adopted and my own relationships that I develop are really important to me. This one was especially important to me, and I really wanted it to happen. I agree that the anxiety is an issue - perhaps I will look at it - I know that i have some problems with posessiveness, and this is surely connected.

 

I'm gonna be meeting her in 2 hours, and then I will know what the story is. I'm afraid I will collapse and fall apart. I don't really know what angle to take on this - but I'm going through all sorts of mixed emotions at the moment.

 

What should I do for this meet with her this evening? Please help me - i don't want to botch it up.

 

Al.

[pcardoso]

Let it flow. Wait and see what she has to say to you.

I know this will be extremely hard on you, but regardless the result of the personal issues try to save the working relation.

I wish I could take some weight from your shoulders, but I can't. You have to trust in yourself and know that you'll be fine, no matter what.

And remember, we are here for you.

 

Good luck