lonely guy looking for advice.... Girls and Guys reply

[ImBurningStar]

Hi guys my name is Bill. I guess I''m just looking for advice, support or just any kind insight in general into my situation. I'm 21 years old and I have never had any kind of relationship with a girl. I have kissed a few girls but it's never gone further than that. I've never even taken a girl out on a date. It just seems now that I'm in my twenties and getting older I feel more and more empty inside with each passing day. I know it's not good to dwell on things but for some reason I can't stop thinking about it. This feeling of loneliness eats away at me more and more every day.

 

Every girl that I have ever tried to be with has pushed me away in one way or another, or circumstances have prevented me from even getting a chance. I've been lied to, lead on, even people who I thought were my friends have made a move on a girl that I really liked when they knew I was interested. It hurt's so much having to deal with this day in and day out. It drives me nuts when I look back over the past couple years and all I see is one disappointment after another. What I don't get is that I've always been told by plenty of people (even the girls that have turned me away) that I'm a good looking guy, that I'm such a nice guy and a sweetheart, and that I'm going to make some girl so happy when I find her. If this really is the case then why is it that I can't even get a girl to be even interested in going out on at least one date with me? Why am I never even given a chance? It rips me apart inside trying to comprehend this.

 

What has also made this more difficult is the fact that after getting hurt and rejected so many times I have become very shy when it comes to talking to girls or even anyone for that matter. I never used to be like that in high-school but I guess I just have a tendency to keep my guard up now because I'm afraid of getting hurt again. It sucks though because every time I try to have a conversation with a girl I become very nervous and I suddenly can't think of anything to say and the conversation turns into a giant uncomfortable silence. That's usually the point when i blow it and end up saying something idiotic that I would never even think of saying. I just don't know what to do anymore. All of my friends are in relationships so it's not like I have group of single people to hang out with. I always end up being the 5th wheel everywhere I go.

 

If anyone can give me some advice or tips on talking to girls or just any dating advice in general it would be very much appreciated.

[Day_Walker]

First of all I dont want you to blame your failure with women on you being a nice guy or a sweetheart. I want you to think about your own actions with women and how you can improve your success with them. You should know your strong points and you want to be able to use those when you are around women. Another key is that you dont want to be down about your situation, its all a learning experience and you need to learn what method works best for you.

[darkblue]

You're not alone - I read this kind of thing on a weekly basis.

 

First off - You're not helping yourself. Confidence is the key. Even if it's partially 'put on'.

 

You may be a shy person - but you don't have to show that to potentially interested girls.

 

My advice is quite simple to say and not so easy to do:

 

Change. Get out and meet people.

 

As for being hurt by past experience - who hasn't? But read my signature quote and follow it - "Love like you've never been hurt".

 

Don't let past experiences put a dampner on your future prospects. Girls will be easily turned away by a guy that can't or won't open up and let them in.

 

The main point is to get out there and meet people - in school or doing hobbies that you enjoy and know something about ( so you can hold confident conversations on it).

 

Good Luck.

[ImBurningStar]

I understand what everyone has been saying so far and I appreciate the comments. I don't have a problem walking up to someone... it's when I get there that things go down hill. When I was in Highschool I never had a problem making conversation with anyone. I went through a real tough situation that involved a a girl about two years ago. To keep this short I'm not going to get into details. Basically a friend of mine was trying to help me out because he knew I really liked this girl and i really thought things were going work out. To make a long story short.... the friend went behind my back started hooking up with her and asked her out and they started long relationship. I was left feeling very betrayed and unbelievably hurt. I've had a lot of trust issues with people since then and after that for some reason it's been very difficult for me to talk with people. I can go up to someone but for some reason I just draw a blank when it comes to starting conversation. I get very nervous and I just can't think of anything to say and become very quiet. I guess it might be some kind of subconsious thing or some type of social anxiety. It makes it very hard to meet new people. i really don't know what to do. All I ever here are good things about me. If people say I'm so great and would apparently make a great boyfriend who would make someone happy then why have I been rejected by every single person that I have ever tried to be with.

 

I guess I'm just looking for ways to get conversation started, keep the conversation going, and tips for grabbing someone's interest.

[darkblue]

You're still letting your past experiences get the best of you. Not every person you meet will reject you, but if you have in your mind that they will - you're setting yourself up for rejection.

[sole]

I was in your shoes (I guess I still am because I too am single). Anyway find new friends. I had friends I couldn't trust an ounce!! But now I have friends I would trust with my life. And I know you feel like you can't trust anyone now, but when you find true friends, you'll know it. True friends will help you deal with or feel good about finding a gf, being single, or support you when you're mad about the whole idea of "love."

Confidence is IMPORTANT!!I was shy and I had LOW self esteem after being rejected and teased for years. But I have been faking confidence for the past year. It works!!! Confidence boosts your self esteem and people (including love interests)are attracted to and like to stick around people with lots of confidence. Confidence helps you get past your shyness. If shyness is a problem convince yourself that you can't stay quiet. Try to strike up a conversation while you standing in line somewhere or in an elevator or in a bar. You can walk up to any atractive girl and talk once you convince yourself you can't stay quiet.