Sex with a Bestfriend

[JukeBox Hero]

It's been a while since i have posted, but I always enjoy reading the forums. It's nice to see that i'm not the only one with the occasional question or in need of advice..

 

Anyways, about the reason for posting.. Guess I'll start with a little background information. Me and this girl have been bestfriends for over a year now. We are there for each other through the good and the bad, the better and the worse. We have never dated, but talk to eachother about who we have dated and what we have done, ect..I have to admit I have been disappouinted with ehr at times, though she hasn't done "everything", and I am comfortable enough to tell her, because I wouldn't if I didn't care. She's mentioned she's been disappointed with me as well.

 

But through all that, I can't find myself not being able to care for her. There was a time ,when I tried to make myself not care for her, because I wil lalways feel more attracted to her then "just a friend"..But I couldn't. She was sad and felt terrible for 2 weeks. And it was my fault. I couldn't bare knowing I was putting her through that, and it was hurting me as well..

 

Well now were over that, and back to being friends. Though we are bestfriends, somehow we have managed to keep sexual tension. I care for her more than a friend and i am certain she feels the same.. We always joke about us gettign together and doing somethin, but we are very detailed when we talk. As I said, we are very comfotable around each other. She hasn't had sex yet, and I'm glad because it would probably break my heart knowing she had to someone who I know is jsut using her. And, she even made me promise her not to, unless it was someone I deeply love and that I cared about...

 

Here's up to date....

 

My birthday is coming up next monday, and it's usually on the weekend. For osme odd reason it isn;t this year. know this because my brithday is always during a festival we have in our small town, and this year it's the day after. Me and her have talked, and had a few serious conversations. She has a b/f, but says she's looking for a nice sweet guy like me, but knows how to have fun..."hint hint"..And, we've discussed my birthday, and we got into a deep detailed conversation, started by her, about this weekend. We're goin to get together somewhere on saturday, and well, to make a long story short, have sex..lol

 

We have the placed planned out, she's goin to break up with her b/f, and she keeps tellign me how much she loves me and dosent want anythign to ever happen between us, because were so close. I think she's afraid she'll loose me as a friend or possibly more, but I'm re-assuring her. What better birthday present than to loose it to my bestfriend and someone I love?

 

My questions....

 

Well I don't need to know how, lol. You'd be surprised at how fast kid's are learning these days...We are very comfortable around eachother, so I guess I'm jsut asking for tips, advice, ect.. Honestly I'm excited. I'm trying not to plan, because I feel things always work better if you go with the flow. I've always been a person who takes life the way it comes ot me..Any adivce on how to make it more special, or better for her, is appreciated. Wish me luck, and thanks for the help..

 

[JukeBox Hero]

I really hope people don't over looked this thread because of it's length. i really need advice or suggestions. Thanks again..

[SuperDuper]

I'm gonna give you a heads up.. your age will play a factor in this, for the other posters.

 

Just think ahead.. if anything happens, are you mature enough to be held responsible for what happens.

[crookster_man]

That's similar to how I lost my virginity. I hooked up with my best friend of a couple of years. She was a great girl and turned out to be a great girl friend. We dated for 3 years before splitting. The breakup was hard and I lost not only my Girl but my best friend. To be honest I've never been the same since, It's difficult for me to get close to women I find even remotely attractive...

 

Anyways I have no regrets and given the chance would have done it all over again. My point is to do what you think is right at the time. You cannot possibly plan for every scenario.

 

As for idea's we went to her place, did her room up with candles. Put Live on the CD player. Spent a long time just making out and caressing and well the rest is history. Worked for us maybe not you but simple and sweet is usually a shoe in.

[Han-Da]

I dont wanna burst your bubble. But there are many risk in just having sex with her. Well, you can get an STD, you can get her pregnant. So many problems.... But its your decision, people say that when you do it too young, it stuffs up your life eventually.

[JukeBox Hero]

I am and understand that I am responsible for my actions. I am very mature for my age, and knwo it. We all actually can be mature, but soem choose not to. I wish that oen day, people weren't judged by thier age. But this is in no way trying to "attack" you or anything. Just wanting to make clear, that your sweet and innocent children are pulling shades right over thier parent eyes. And honestly, I feel things are good the way they are. Children find this out eventually. There's nothign you can do to stop them, and it's the way the world goes round... Thanks for the heads up though, as it is appreciated..

 

In refferance to the other post. I appreciate the suggestions and comments. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, and I know the risk. I live my life a peticular way. I live without regret and take what is thrown at me and make the best of it. We can only live life once "in my religious aspect", and we just have to make the best of what we have. I'm trying to make the experience more comfortable for her, but hope it is good for me as well. But, honestly, it's more about her pleasure than mine... We have alot of sexual tension, and tend to foreplay often without it leading anywhere.. We do it because we can and are comfotable with each other.. I hope that this will be in effect as to build the excitment.

 

Questions?

 

We plan to try both top and bottom positions. Should be begin with missionary as it is the basic. Honestly i see it taking a different course, but i try not to plan. Anythign else I can do to build her excitment and help me control mine..lol all help aprpeciated.. and what kind of condoms are best?..lol I was thinking ultra lubricant to make thigns go easier. Maybe later on down the line try textured, scented, flavored, ect..lol.but suggestions still accepted. Thanks again..

[JukeBox Hero]

In reply to the other poster. Yes, I know I'm responsible for my actions and I know the risk. No bursting my bubble here..lol. This thread was for suggestions and advice on how to make it more pleasurable and rememorable experience. I'm not trying to offend you, but please leave this comments to yourselfs. in fact to make anyon who feels the need to reply with a prevention post, her mother works at the health department, and she knwos for a fact that she dosent have an std. As for the pregnancy facor, I'm well aware of that. It happens al lthe time, kids are born. Condoms are 99% effective if used properly. You could wait till your 25 till your first time and then end up gettign the woman pregnant. Could you not? Unless she has her tubes tied or the guy has one of those thigns done, or thier not capable of creating a child because of an effect, there is no possible way to prevent it. Sorry for my excessive rambling. lol, so I'll jsut add once again, I am responsible for my actions and know this well. I know the risks, and yet I still am going to persue and follow through with the events that are to take place..heh. So suggestive or advice replies are appreciated. Thank you

[crookster_man]

Well for her pleasure I would say use your hands and mouth? Most girls don't get off with pure intercourse. It's important to stimulate her in many ways and for a long time. The average male needs about 2-3 mins to get off from stimulation the average female needs over 15 mins (keep that in mind).

 

Honestly if you really want to please her then I would try to make "love" with her rather then have sex. I find when I "make love" it's much more passionate and gentle... I tend to caress more and take it slowly (which helps the whole time thing). When you go into it to have "sex" it's usually more about you. Even though you try to service the girl your goal is to get laid/get off...

 

Anyways there are a lot of good posts about how to stimulate a girl via oral and finger sex. Not to mention some great intercourse techniques. But like you said, just go with the flow. Every person has their own sexual rhythm. the trick to try and get yours in sync with hers. Think of it like walking by a girl while wrapping your arm around her. It's important to get into the right rhythm or else the walking becomes disjointed and chalky same goes for sex

 

It's not the fastest or hardest that matters (though it's nice some times ;o) It's getting into the right flow.

 

P.S. Don't do drugs, stay in school and no sex until married ;oP

[JukeBox Hero]

lol, thanks for the advice, and I think that it will rpovide very helpful. I get what your saying and well, i hope it all pays off. I'll update everyone after the weekend on how it went. And, I understand about the "make love" instead of jsut sex. I wan to build her excitment, as it will be most rewarding for her. And, I think it'll make it better all around, for the both of us. hanks for your time, Appreciated... Wish me luck, and hope all goes well

[DarknHandsome]

aww, thats a sweet story, how romantic

[darkblue]

I can't see anything romantic about it - she's going to break up with her boyfriend then have a good seeing to with her 'best friend'.

 

Are you getting a birthday present too? or is this it?

 

You do realise that you're making it difficult for yourself if you ever wanted to 'date' this girl.

 

She'll be on the rebound.

 

Well, you seem determined so I advise looking up some threads in the 'sex and romance' forum and ... Have fun.

 

But prepare for long-term heartache if you do really 'care' about this girl.

[misery12]

I agree, make sure this is what you truly want, because the consequences of a situation like this can be totally turned around despite what your initial plan was.

[JukeBox Hero]

I understand everyone wanting to try and advise me of consequence. I know it's there and it is a possibility. And, as for the post of her breaking up with ehr b/f. You can't really judge that if you don't know what he is like. He makes her miserable and I'm the one she calls crying, and I always seem to make her feel better. It's not one of those best friend relationships were you're there through the bad, your ther for the good too.

 

Her boyfriend will probably care less since he never calls or see's her. Me and her have a great friendship and she wants to make it alot more. And, I have to admit, this is like a dream come true..lol. If things don't work out, it will hurt me, but I know that no matter what we'll still be friends.

 

I know alot of you have had a horrible experience liek this somewhere down the line, but you have to be optimisitc. Not everything is as bad as it seems. We turn on the television and see all the bad news, but you know that there is osmething good oging on out there in the world somewhere.

 

I want people to reply to me as if i were on thier same level, and not some who is looked down upon due to age. I'm very mature and deep minded, and I don;t need anyone to tell me I dont "understand". Life is full of lvoe and heartbreak. It happens, you heal, you get over it. Not every waits till thier married, and not everyone has to wait for the person they want to spend thier life with...But I'm in no way referrign that to the relationship between em and my bestfriend. I never like to plan, and hope I have a long life ahead of me. I'm only in high school and thinking about that would be a waste of time considering what could happen between now and then...

 

I love this girl more than she could ever know. We are bestfriends and hopefully will always be that or someday soon, more. I'm always there for her, when and if she never needs me. She's jsut one of those special people that if your lucky, you might just get to meet and know in life. She's so amazing in so many ways, that I could never tell her how I really feel, but i'd be willing to take every secodn of my time to try... Well, I', letting my soft side show.. Thanks for your help and advise.. If anyone else has comments, feel free to share.. Please, try not to post anything that you feel will try to stop me with going through with this, and why would you? It's the greatest experience of your life, and with the most special person in your life... I never regret anything I do, so that isn't an issue. What is doen is done, and you can't change the past, so please no post about what "I'll regret".. jsut try to understand my perspective. All post about good luck and about this story, appreciated. Thanks all..

[JukeBox Hero]

Didn't notice the last 2 post before my last. First off, what makes you so sure I'll regret it. If you have had a bad experience, why does that include mine will?

 

As for regret, I already stated I have no regret, as it is pointless. Whnat is done is done, and the past is irrevocable. I know the possible consequence, and the risk involved. I feel there is little risk, but if the possible "worst" were to happen, I would have no regret..

 

As for my "plan" turning for the worst? What plan? I do whatever feels right. People who live by plans "in my opinion" are restricing themselves from thier possible potential. Do the best that you can. Setting a plan may only lower the bar. I appreciate your concern, though I don't feel it is neccesary, appreciated all the same (I say appreciate alot ) Thanks alot though, cya all

[Tpysl]

The first time will be painful for her. I would recommend several condoms and plenty of lubrication. The spermicide may irritate her skin and you as well.

 

Also, discontinue intercourse right after you "finish". If you keep going after, the semen may come out the top of the condom. Although condoms have a relatively high percentage, it does not exclude the chance. Best of luck to you.

[darkblue]

You're determined - fine. It's more of a narrowmind than determination.

 

You're not thinking through her part. You could be seen as using her for sex.

 

She'll have recently broke up with her boyfriend and going straight to you. That doesn't bother you at all?

 

Fine - do what you wish and reap the consequences later.

[crookster_man]

Ah go for it mate, you only live once. Don't let these naysayers talk you down. It's your life and it's your choice so live it. Some times this board gets to full of emotion. You know what you want you came here for some idead/advice and you got what you needed it. It's up to you to wiegh out what everyone says and dicide what is good for you.

 

Have fun, but not to much fun that would be bad! ;oP

[JukeBox Hero]

Darkblue, lol... I really find it offensive to be called "narrowminded" especially since your dead-set on telling me that I will "Reap the Consequences". I did not make this post to attack you, but I do find you shallow, and as to wether or not I follow your advice, does that make me a bad person? I suggest you sit down and think about how you go about giving you opinions, before anyone will ever take the time to personally respect them, atleast in my opinion...

 

As for crookster, thanks and I like to live my life as if I may die tomorrow. Get done what you can today, you may not have another chance... I have my own religious beliefs and I don't need anyone to tell me how wrong I am.. I feel "some people" are blind to the fact that age really has nothing to do with your maturity and intellect, nor experience.

 

As for the people givng me advice, I bought ultra lubricant condoms. they expire several years from now. I know she dosent have an STD, as her mom has had her checked out before "Very concerned Mother".. And I know I don't as well, because I had them check during my last sports physical. They of ocurse gave me an odd look, but I found out I was clean, nonetheless..

 

I plan on just making her comofrtable, and try to build suspence instead of "hopping on it". Gotta love the slang terms in society today. As for her boyfriend. As I said, me and her have had alot of sexual tension for years. We care about eachother on a level that most "older" people would feel is impossible to conspire at such a young age. Oh right, as for her boyfriend, he has already taken the time to break up with her and told her he was cheating on her. She of course was happy that she woulndt have to hurt him. Kinda odd how all that works out. No matter what I will always be there for her, even if the worst of things were to join together against me..

 

I understand alot of you have had rough experiences, and I'm sorry that it was like that. I hope mine is great for her, aswell as me. Thanks for the tip about condoms. Was wondering about that since most girls take alot of time to achieve a climax, and pursuing further though thought could help help, may possibly end in a new life brought into the world... So thanks..

 

If there's any more advice or questions, I still have 2 days. I'm curious of your opinions, on how mature you think I am for my age? Get back to me on that. Ttyl, goodluck and god bless..

[JukeBox Hero]

Also in reply to DarkBlue.. I could be seen as using her for sex? This is very...irritating. If you would have read my other post, I love her dearly, she loves me dearly. Not only that, but she is the one who first suggested the diea, besides the fact that we always joke about it. She is wanting to pursue with it, so how could "I" be seen as using her for sex. You my friend are narrowminded, and it wouldn be appreciated if you no longer commented to this thread.. It is of course your opinion to act upon. nonetheless, being the bigger man I will wish you luck, and thank you for your potential advice..

[darkblue]

I'm going to keep my temper and word this very carefully.

 

Darkblue, lol... I really find it offensive to be called "narrowminded" especially since your dead-set on telling me that I will "Reap the Consequences". I did not make this post to attack you, but I do find you shallow, and as to wether or not I follow your advice, does that make me a bad person? I suggest you sit down and think about how you go about giving you opinions, before anyone will ever take the time to personally respect them, atleast in my opinion...

 

I don't mind if you find it offensive - it's my opinion of you. You're taking the good things that are being said to justify your actions - and ignoring and discrediting those that aren't. That, in my books, is narrowminded.

 

Did I say what consequences? Did I mention either good or bad? I don't think so.

 

I also, did not tell you to do one thing or the other. Nor did I tell you that either way it makes you a 'bad person'.

 

Funny that this is my one-thousand, six-hundered and something or other, post; and it's only you who have told me to 'sit down' and think about how I give advice.

 

As I stated - I think you're only taking what you want to hear and discrediting the rest.

 

Also in reply to DarkBlue.. I could be seen as using her for sex? This is very...irritating.

I also don't mind if you find this irritating - I said it and you can interpret it however you wish.

 

If you would have read my other post, I love her dearly, she loves me dearly.

Well - correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't 'living for the moment' stand in the way of 'loving someone dearly'. You wouldn't want to be tied down to emotion if you 'take what's given to you' etc; would you?

 

Not only that, but she is the one who first suggested the diea, besides the fact that we always joke about it. She is wanting to pursue with it, so how could "I" be seen as using her for sex.

Are you saying no? No - Then you could be seen as taking advantage of her emotionally weak boyfriend's position.

Let me really bring the truth home now. You're the 'pillar of stregnth', the shoulder to cry on and the 'one who's always there'. We've all been there - when you truly mature; you will realise what I'm about to say.

 

In My Opinion You, my friend - are being used as a retaliation against her crappy relationship. She's using you to compensate for all the stuff she put up with and because her boyfriend wasn't/isn't a stable and emotionally affectionate, supportive partner - as he should have been.

 

You my friend are narrowminded, and it wouldn be appreciated if you no longer commented to this thread.. It is of course your opinion to act upon. nonetheless, being the bigger man I will wish you luck, and thank you for your potential advice..

 

In my opinion - you're not being the bigger man - you're being the child you are.

I'm anything but narrowminded - but I've had the misfortune of knowing people in similar cirucmstances - and if you're heading the same way; you'll get what's coming to you.

 

This statement could also be reported as discouraging others to post and I should be reporting it to a moderator. But I'd like to keep this topic unlocked as to see how it turns out

[darkblue]

how mature you think I am for my age?

 

Not nearly mature enough.

[JukeBox Hero]

Well, obviously I hit a bad nerve with you. I'm going to appologize for my actions as I see some of the things I said could be taken in a rather "discouragin way". I asked you nicely to not reply, but yet you have the freedom to do so. I'm not going to sit here and argue wether your right or wether your wrong, as everyone has thier own opinion. I spoke mine, you spoke yours, and I plainly stated I found some of your comments more "offensive" than really advice. I know what constructive criticism is, and I'm no stranger to it. As for your "Post record" it means little to me. If you want to feel jsut because your psot record is extremley high, amkes you right? Then so be it. I apologize for the narrowminded comment, though it is still my opinion, and you are free to think what you want of me. I try not to judge those I do not know, but often have my slip-ups.

 

I am only human as yourself and I'm not perfect. Consequnces in general are usally referred to as something bad that occurs following a decision or action. Though some may be good, my interpretation may have led to some mis-understanding. As far as you basing my maturity upon my age, I did indeed ask for it. I would jsut like some imformation now for you to back up your reasoning. You do take alot of pride in your post count, so look at it as an oppertunity.

 

I'm in no way trying to attack you, but I do find it irritating, as I said before, to have someone call me narrowminded. If I am to be "Judged" by the likes of you, I want to know your reasoning. I know, I know, you have posted your long opinions such as I, but I really see you more/less trying to "get back" at me than stay on topic.

 

I am nor dead-set on what I will decide in the events to come, and I was asking for advice. I clearly got yours several times. I then no-longer wished to receive notifications of "consequence" and then wished for help on how to better the experience. Obviously, it was enough for you.

 

You know what, just nevermind... I look for advice and I get someone who is tryign to judge me for my actions. I wil lbe 16 in 4 days, and I don't need someone to tell me how to live my life. I have a job and my permit. does that make me mature? No. But I do deserve the same amount of respect as anyone else here. And by you trying to "degrade' me, only looks bad on your part. I have respect for you as a veteran member, but as for your lack of respect for me when I asked that you no longer post, when I ask for advice and not warning, and to judge me as a "narrowminded" person, a little peace of my respect is lsot for you.

 

I know I know, why would you care? No reason at all. I'm just another person that didn't agree with you. And if that makes me not worth your respect, then...no, you are still worth mine. I refuse to let myself be overtaken by your mis-guided comments. I will now part ways, but expect to hear from you. Not by choice none the less...

 

If anyone still wants to lend advice on how to make this first time experience for me and my bestfriend a more pleasurable and rememberable one, please post your advice...

 

(Any mod can feel free to delte my off-topic post and Dark Blue's, as I have seen on many forums with people with this almost exact problem. Maybe this thread can be salvaged for anyone browsing and going through the same ordeal)

 

Didn't take time to spellcheck or proof-read, was kinda in a ramble and aggrevated for my own reasons. So please excuse grammar until furth notice.

 

 

--------------------------

Dark I think I'm starting to make a connection with you and your judging of people based upon there age. This is a quote from another topic of someone who needed help. I found it interesting that you asked..

 

He might not feel ready, he might be insecure - there are a number of possibilities.

 

The only way to find out; is to ask him.

 

What age are you?

 

That topic can be found in this same forum. Or here link removed Age was not an issue in this topic as this girl was jsut askign a question about sex, but Dark felt the need to ask? Judging someone and thier decisons by age in my opinion is jsut as bad as being racist. You can't judge anyone by there age, color, or their openminds. Even judging someone by thier decisions dosen't make it right. No one has the right to judge us besides "God", and that's my view. I'd feel free to stand by it..

[darkblue]

That topic can be found in this same forum. Or here link removed Age was not an issue in this topic as this girl was jsut askign a question about sex, but Dark felt the need to ask? Judging someone and thier decisons by age in my opinion is jsut as bad as being racist. You can't judge anyone by there age, color, or their openminds. Even judging someone by thier decisions dosen't make it right. No one has the right to judge us besides "God", and that's my view. I'd feel free to stand by it..

 

lol, what a vivid mind you have, young man.

 

I was asking the poster her age in that last post because I wanted to warn her of a little thing called 'Statutory Rape'. If she was underage - it would be illegal to have sex and thereforeeee she would be putting her boyfriend in serious touble.

 

I am not judging you either - only God can judge you.

 

 

You read that out of context. I used it as evidence that I don't give biased or judging posts. If I did; I would have been out of here a long time ago. I was not simply boasting anything. I know some high-ranking people on this site that have given some terrible advice in the past.

 

I'm also not telling you how to live your life - I was telling you what could happen. If it went wrong you would probably wonder why no one on this forum gave you all the possible scenarios.

 

I'm also not telling you I'm right. Because I don't know what will happen; just the same as you. If I didn't have any repsect for you/ didn't care about you. I wouldn't have given you this information.

You've already come to your assumptions that I've lost respect for you - No. I've only lost empathy.

 

I've lost interest in arguing because when I told you something trying to help you and protect you - you flipped it around and used it against me; which I don't appreciate.

 

Good day.

[JukeBox Hero]

After some slight re-thinking, I have realised the possibility that I may have over-reacted a bit, when all you were trying to do is help. And, It was also wrong of me to try and make "you" a bad person, when you had done nothign to me to begin with. I may have over-looked or mis-interpretated certain things that were said to try and use them against you. I know have taken the time to realise that you were only trying to make me aware of the possbilities that I may have over-looked, because I live my life by the moment. Living my life by the moment doesent, however, infer that I don't love or care about anyone. But that's no big deal. I guess i'm tryign to apologize for my behavior, as it was mis-placed. I wasn't thinking properly and took your advice as a threat or attack upon my ideals and beliefs. Instead of appreciating your comments, I began to throw slurs of mis-guided information, and in the end, were only hurting myself. I still have a value of respect for you, and hope you do for me, as I. I'm no perfect person, and I try to be openminded. But sometimes my own stubborness gets in the way of things.

 

I am currently re-thinking the whole ideal. And though I love this girl and she is probably the second most special person in my life (We've been there for eachother through everything). Maybe, we should wait. i'm not saying I won't continue as planned (hate that word lol), but I'm not saying I will either. There is alot more at risk then msot people expect. And, you hear about it everyday, some underage girl to give birth. there are people who dis-reguard this and nothing ever happens, but you know it has happened and could happen, and thats all that matters. I want to wait a while and actually make the (bf/gf) commitment first, and see where things go from there. Our relationship has survive divorce, moving away, bad reltionships, a house burning down, and ect..so certainly it can survive a wait... Still not guranteeing, but I feel I'm atleast thinking better. Well i'll cut this off, and not ramble. Thanks for al lthe help form everyoen and Dark Blue, Hope to see you all around..Goodbye and God Bless..

[darkblue]

Thank you Jukebox,

 

Apology accepted and please accept my apology for maybe getting a little heated.

 

 

 

I'm also going to give you the credit you deserve for this one - you are maturer than:

 

1. You were making out

and 2. I percieved you to be.

 

You hit the nail on the head - If you love her and she loves you. Why suddenly jump from one extreme to another. I.e. Her being with someone else, to having sex with you.

 

Slower is always better when it comes to realtionships, and I learn this every day on this board.

 

You say she's the 2nd most important person in your life: I'm curious - who's the first?

 

Well Jukebox, it's your choice, your decision and you've heard just about everything that you had to hear.

 

My PM inbox is always open if you want to drop me a PM

 

Take care.