I know hes not going to make the move... should I?

[introanna]

i meet this guy a few mouths ago and i see him every few weeks, we kind of have mutual friends and hang out at the same bars. and i have always had a thing for him but i'm not the type to do anything about it.

 

so this last week 3 people have told me that he has a crush on me and talks about me sometimes. but thay all said hes wayy to shy to ever make a move.

 

so what do i do.. i think i'm prepared to do this my self (hes the only guy in town i find remotly atractive).. but how do i do it? without scaring him off or making a fool out of myself.

 

eeek

[DN]

Ask him if he would like to go out on a date with you. Choose a time, a day and something to do - light and casual.

[introanna]

i wish i had the guts for that! ... it would make me hurl

mabey some thing more suttle?

[DN]

Tell him there is a movie that you really want to see but you have no one to go with - then look at him like this

[introanna]

hah, well i AM really good at that face. but its just not me to do that.

 

i wish there was like a flirty thing i could do so he knows i'm intrested.

how dose one flirt? i suck.

[DN]

Smile at him more than you smile at other people. Get closer to him than other people. Touch him as much as you can when you are speaking. Look into his eyes and hold his gaze a little longer than normal -and then smile. When someone else is talking look at him more than the person who is talking. When you talk in a group of people look at him more than anyone else. Compliment him on his appearance. Get into his personal space. If you are sitting next to him let your knee touch his and keep it there.

[introanna]

i'll try it! if anyone eles has ideas (anything) do tell...

[asdf]

Tell him there is a movie that you really want to see but you have no one to go with - then look at him like this

 

hahaha, that was great

[walkingwithaghost]

I don't think you should ask him out. You should just make it VERY (VERY VERY VERY) obvious that if he were to ask you out that you would say yes. That way his shyness and fear of rejection won't f up his game with such a vengeance. If he still can't find the balls to ask you out he's a loser. Sorry guys but that's a loser. In which case he's not gonna make a very good bf and in which case you shouldn't be offended by him rejecting you...

[walkingwithaghost]

Smile at him more than you smile at other people. Get closer to him than other people. Touch him as much as you can when you are speaking. Look into his eyes and hold his gaze a little longer than normal -and then smile. When someone else is talking look at him more than the person who is talking. When you talk in a group of people look at him more than anyone else. Compliment him on his appearance. Get into his personal space. If you are sitting next to him let your knee touch his and keep it there.

 

That's some f-ing good advice nigga! There's a guy I like at my job who looks like Matthew Mcanoughey only shorter and smarter, I think I'm gonna try that!

[habitual_loser]

The light, sustained contact thing [here: knee-to-knee] has only failed against me once, when the girl who did it was dating a friend of mine. If he's a lonely shy type it's like shooting fish in a barrel, he'll definitely get the message, but he may not act on it. Of course, you need an excuse, which is probably pretty easy in a bar.

 

You could always sort of go halfway and invite him out for coffee or to do something with you has some personal significance - running (feel free to leave him in the dust), community service (if that's your thing), baking cookies...

 

The personal space that you normally keep other people out of is like a currency. It's not as safe as a movie, but if you have real issues with confronting the guy outright, this could get you some headway without sacrificing your desire to be asked out.

 

And if he's not into it, screw him, because a guy who can't let you be you and at least feign interest in the things that mean a lot to you isn't a guy you should be wasting time on.

[jevonj77]

Yes...do what DN suggested...it will work. However, it might only let him know, depending on how shy he is...that you like him too. So a little more work might be nessesary on your part.

 

So after you have done that...and warmed him up a bit...ask him out. Find him by himself if you can...and ask him in a nice way if he wants to go out with you one day. You can probably ask him to set the date...just to help him out a bit.

 

But doing what DN suggested...will definetly weaken him...and he won't be able to resist. Unless he tenses up...but it is almost a sure thing.

[segagirl]

My history would tell you go for it....my life experience would tell you not to. There are so many great words to tell you always put yourself on the line, whats the worst that can happen? That makes life worth living.....

even at rejection. BUT I recently read, as have so many it seems, a book called "hes just not that into you" . It sheads some interesting light on

dating and men....give it a look through. It really made me stop in my tracks and rethink a few things....

Best of luck either way!

sega

[DN]

My history would tell you go for it....my life experience would tell you not to. There are so many great words to tell you always put yourself on the line, whats the worst that can happen? That makes life worth living.....

even at rejection. BUT I recently read, as have so many it seems, a book called "hes just not that into you" . It sheads some interesting light on

dating and men....give it a look through. It really made me stop in my tracks and rethink a few things....

Best of luck either way!

sega

 

The moee I hear about that book the more I think it's dangerous to potential relationships. It doesn't seem to take account of the shy guy - and anyway, not all men (or women) are the same, and so predicting the behaviour of an individual is almost impossible.

[segagirl]

If you read the book, it is pretty clear to exact content. They are not at all examples of shy guys... they are examples of behavior we like to "explain away" Some examples...

 

a guy that asks for you're number and does not call you for three weeks is not just scared to call you. My thought on that is if he is shy, he may not ask for the number in the first place...If he takes the step to ask you for your number, and you are excited to give it and he still does not call, then its no longer that he is shy (thats more the focus of the book)

 

It also speaks to issues such as if he only calls you when he's drunk, if he is "dating" you and never spends time with you/never calls you,

if he says...I just want to be friends...and we to make ourseleves feel better say "oh he does not want to ruin our friendship" etc.

If you have told him you like him and he never asks you out....

 

So like any book of this type, you take it as an idea, not as fact.

....but there are for sure signs out there that are important to take a look at.

[DN]

The problem is that someone sees a scenario in he book and thinks 'Aha, that's just like my scenario. He must not be into me.' Except, the guy has never read the book, doesn't realise he is fitting a spurious profile and isn't acting like that at all in his own mind. He may well be 'into' her and she is now misreading what he wants.

[ves]

If he's a lonely shy type it's like shooting fish in a barrel, he'll definitely get the message, but he may not act on it.

image removed

OT, but that's hilarious.

 

I hate that book "He's Just Not That Into You". It's more for pathetic girls who make excuses for some drunk moron they met at a bar who said "I'll call you". Totally stereotypical. That's why we have eNotAlone, so we can discuss individual situations!