No NC...possible to get over the one you love?

[JynX]

Is it possible to get over someone you've dated for well over a year, were close to them, loved them...without doing NC? As in, staying in touch with each other every week or so? Or is NC the only way to get over someone?

[sidehop]

It depends on the person in my opinion but if certain relationship ended & no reason to chase the person, NC is the best option for more people.

 

When I was 16 & had my first g/f we dated for 8 months & I was devastated when we broke up. It probably took me year & a half to really forget about her...

[Mstyiyd]

I agree with the post above. Every person's situation is so different, though! For me personally, I am a very emotional person and I have absolutely had to implement NC for my sanity. I hate it, it is sometimes excruciating to not pick up the phone for even just a nonchalant "hi", but I tell myself I can't do it at this time. Plus, I also use the fact that I have been doing this for July, most of August ( contact was broken only bec. we had to clear up some bills, nothing bad happened but i resumed the NC) and so far in September. I take each day as it comes. Stay busy w/friends, work, take care of yourself and make sure you're around good people. Don't get too into partying, it will only depress you more. I am proud of my self-control over the past couple months with this whole NC thing. Im using that as my personal incentive to not break it.

That being said, I believe that I would answer the phone if my ex ever does call me. What will transpire is anyone's guess, but I don't even allow myself to think that far in advance for smthg that may/may not happen.

Hope this helps, just one person's opinion in this little corner of the world. Best of luck to you, just remember to take care of you!

[goddess23]

even if you dont want it to happen it is NECESSARY to get all those good and bad feelings outttt of the way so that after a bit of healing time you can start fresh and actually have a friendsihp. i really think there are FEW cases you can heal without nc.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Yes. It is possible. It depends on whether both of you want a frienship or not. To add, whether you could handle emotion well.

[acuraman]

It depends on your situation. Some people after break up still keep in touch with each other. While others, don't want to have anything to do with thier ex's. You just have to try and see what works for you.

[BlueOrchids]

hello,

i would say, that if you are not over her, and would like to allow yourself to heal, nc is the best way to go, contact keeps you connected, and dont know if thats the best idea for a fresh wound. you are already used to her in your life on a constant basis, and staying in contact kind of keeps you in the same place, without the relationship you at one point had, which is quite painful if you think about it. plus your feelings are still there, so of course it cant really be "friendly"contact, you dont view her as a friend!you can set a time period in which you both would like to keep until you start communicating again...that might make you feel a little better, knowing that you WILL speak again. i know how frightening the thought is, to think ur never going to speak to them again!!!! think about it, you are going to have to become adjusted to life without her, what would be the easiest way for that to happen? by doing just that, or keeping her in it...u need to heal...see things from another angle.

and yes, after some TIME you will be able to get over it, and even be happy again without her. in my opinion NC is the best way to go.

do you mind explaining what happened, who initiated the breakup and why?

[BlueOrchids]

im sorry! change all the "HERS" to "HIMS"

[JynX]

do you mind explaining what happened, who initiated the breakup and why?

 

Good question...I'm not entirely sure how he and I drifted apart so quickly. But, here's the background information:

 

Spencer and I dated for 13 months. We had a wonderful relationship, we rarely fought, we had fun together, we connected-we were good for each other. He is my first love. And my first heart break. Ironic, isnt it? Our problems started a little over a month ago, when I began getting the curiosity feeling. I'm a sophmore, he's a senior, and seeing how he's my first real relationship, I felt like I needed to see what else was out there before making a full commitment to him. So we took a break. In the process of that break I hung out with a guy, and very soon realized it tore me apart to be with him instead of Spencer. So I told him I had made a mistake.

 

At that point, he said that he's been actually doing alright without me, and was starting to hang out with a new girl. A few days later he started dating her. We were stilll on a break. After that point, it went from a break to a break up. I was the one who asked for it, because I couldnt stand it anymore. I was hurt, badly. I cried constantly, every memory that came to me hurt me, whenever I'd see him with her it felt like a stab to my heart. Don't get me wrong, I wasnt always sitting alone in my room feeling miserable over it. I went out with my friends, I spent time with my family. I was fine around people, it's when I got alone when the saddness seemed to over take me. I've had many sleepless nights, I've lost my appetite. Basically the usual symptoms of a broken heart.

 

That's how I've been for the past month. Yesterday Spencer came over for us to talk some things that have come up. I felt my heart shatter even more, seeing him there, knowing I could do nothing to show my love for him. He told me he still thought about me often, and hurt over it. Now this is where we are...we both love each other, yet we're apart. I dont know how it came to this. I want him back because I know we can be happy together. But, if he's happy with his new girlfriend, I won't interfere. As long as he's happy. Me on the other hand, well you guys get the picture.

 

So that's the basic story. I'm sorry for writing a book...I tend to get into these writing moods....

[bronx_brawla]

Is it possible to get over someone you've dated for well over a year, were close to them, loved them...without doing NC? As in, staying in touch with each other every week or so? Or is NC the only way to get over someone?

 

Mayby im a lil behind on all these abbreveations. But what is NC?

Does it mean...NO CONTACT???...lol

[JynX]

Yes, it means no contact. Good guess!

[bronx_brawla]

Yes, it means no contact. Good guess!

 

lol...that was just a wild guess its not even funny.

thanx

 

at least now i can comment...ill be back later

 

---bx 8)

[bronx_brawla]

Is it possible to get over someone you've dated for well over a year, were close to them, loved them...without doing NC? As in, staying in touch with each other every week or so? Or is NC the only way to get over someone?

 

In my opinion..i dont think you can get over someone if your still talking to them. Because they're constantly in your life and the feelings of longing and love are still around you. I just recently, after 3 months sinsce the breakup, cut myself off from the one i love. Im not contacting her lately. But she keeps trying to talk to me. She sent me an email yesturday saying that she just wants to know how im doing.

But shes also talking to a bunch of guys....and i told her awhile back that im not talking to her if she talking to these guys. I dont wanna be included. Plus she has also told me...that she never wanted me out of her life completley. She just wants her cake and eat it too. She wants to be single but at the same time still talk to me. I'm not gonna give her that satisfaction anymore. Because shes hurt me tremendously.

And i keep having bad dreams about her. I cant shake these thoughts of her. But i know that if i heard her voice i'd die.

 

I believe NC helps you to heal. And if you consider it...it might hurt you in the long run.

 

good luck

--bx