URGENT: Advice needed from ANYONE GUYS AND GIRLS

[Jadtt]

Me and my ex started dating last March, we were dating for approximately 4 months. He was in the process of some major life changes, quitting his career and going back to school. I was coming out of a relationship. Long story short, we both decided to break up, he said that he was not ready for a relationship. I said that I was too much of a distraction for him and would like to remain friends. We went out on a final date, discussed some things about our relationship, and then decided to remain friends.

 

That was almost six weeks ago. Last week was my birthday, he called me out of the blue to wish me a Happy Birthday. Also, he had previously drawn an awesome picture for me (he's an artist) and for my birthday he had the picture framed and matted. I was caught a little off-guard by the phone call and the present. Additionally, I went to his birthday party the following day. He was touching me in the small of my back and leading me around the bar. Later that night we were sitting pretty close, and after reviewing the pictures all my friends had mentioned we both seemed a little more than just "friends" in the pictures. We had a pretty intimate conversation that night, not subject matter, but we were both laying down, facing each other and talking pretty closely.

 

I saw him this week, he happened to show up at his best-friends house at the same time I was there. I was trying to ignore him, as the phone call, picture and party experience brought back a lot of emotions and I realized I have pretty deep feelings for him. So, my choice was to ignore him as best as I could. He didn't talk to me much either.

 

I need to know what all this means. I don't think friends get as close as we were. I haven't known him that long (6 months) and I am thinking this picture thing is a pretty personal birthday present. What should I be thinking right now? I honestly believe there is more there, but I'm not ready for a serious relationship, and I just cannot shake the intuition that something will happen in the future.

 

HELP!

[Veneza127]

Something is definitely happening between you too. I think he still has feelings for you but he understands none of you are ready for a relationship. I really don't think he is playing with you or giving you the wrong signals. If he is doing what I think he is doing... I really admire this guy. He obviously understands it is not the time because of all the things that are going on in your lives but he is trying to stay around and stay close to you in the meantime maybe because you are the person he wants by his side whenever all this is over.

 

And to tell you the truth... I think that's nice.

[Beec]

Well, you both seem interested, but you also both seem to not be in a rush. So what's the problem?

 

Well, the problem may be that if you wait too long, the opportunity passes you by. Of course, rushing in too soon may make you or him sabotage the relationship. I'd continue as you are.

[Jadtt]

I have felt, since the first moment I met this guy, that there was something pretty strong between us, and I still feel this way. We started way too fast...after the breakup, I still feel this strongly, I am in love with him.

 

I just don't want to get in a position where I am being naive. I told him when I broke up that I believed that wasn't the end of us. His response to my "are you sure that you will NEVER date me in the future" was "I cannot honestly say what will happen in the future".

 

I don't know....I just need help.

[djedix]

He loves you.

 

That's why he wont push anything on you till your ready.

 

Cuz he cares about you, and wants you to do what you gotta do right now, without rushin it. keep the pace up and in time things will work out, if that's what you want.

[Jadtt]

Thanks for all the great advice, anything from anyone else would be greatly appreciated!!!!

 

 

[Beec]

OK, so what you have is a guy who seems to want you and who you want. This should not be the most difficult thing.

 

First, understand what makes us go for certain people. We go for those who give us what we want and need emotionally (broad view here, being seen with a person who has a hot body can give us osmething emotionally), make us feel special, etc., while remaining aloof and independent, not needy or clingy. See link removed.

 

At the party, you were giving some fulfillment, then you both acted mroe aloof at your next meeting. This is not bad stuff.

 

One thing you can do that will draw people in and keep them around is to give them fulfillment and then turn it off, and to turn it on and off in an unpredictable pattern. If the reward for good behavior comes in an unpredictable pattern, it can create and obsession.

[Jadtt]

Well, last night as my birthday party. My ex actually showed up to it, he was behaving rather weirdly....not really himself. He is usually very social and has fun, but last night he was a little more muted.

 

Towards the end of the night I sat down with him, we talked for a couple of hours at the bar. He would casually touch my arm, my leg or hold on to my arm when he was talking to me. Then we went for breakfast afterwards.

 

My good friends, two males, indicated to me that he was being very "touchy feeling" and making it obvious that he still has feelings for me.

 

Not too sure what I'm going to do next, maybe just kind of go with the flow for a little while.

[savannahohsavannah]

Any time a fella says he's not ready for a relationship and then shows some interest women always choose to ignore what he has said to them--don't !!!! It could be that he's into you sexually and wants to be a booty buddy without any commitment on his part. This is a dangerous thing if you are in love with a guy. I'd make sure I stayed away from this fella for a while.

[Beec]

Well, the simplest thing to do is just to be friednly with him and pay him some attention. Not a lot, not all the time. Turn it on and off. Sometimes when you see him, ignore him a bit, and then watch what happens when you look at him, smile and say hello, being glad to see him. That's going from off to on. It will take his emotions and make them soar, when you go on.

[Jadtt]

Good advice Beec!

 

I tried that at my party last week. Ignored him for quite a while, when I went over and unleashed a big smile, he smiled really big and said "What's going on with you, you are really happy?".

 

I turned it off and on that night...he was acting strange towards the end of the night, sitting by himself, not being social. That's when I sat down next to him and we just talked for a couple hours.

[Han-Da]

From my view of the story, I think I might understand where he is coming from. Although im heaps younger than you and your ex. Anyway, I like this girl very much. For her birthday, I also drew he an awesome picture. All my friends and hers commented on it. She knows I like her, and she likes me too. But we are gonna take it slow. So just dont rush things.

 

But I do know that drawing something for a lady can touch them easily. So I dont want to rush things with her, and only when we are ready will we enter a relationship. So he may be like me, or he may not. But i'm just giving you an example.

 

I do believe that he does have feelings for you too. Same as me, the girl I like would be constantly put together with me, people think we are together. We arent though. Lolz... hoped I helped in some way.

[Jadtt]

Thanks! You did help, I really appreciate it!

 

I am an artist myself, I have only taken the time to draw a picture, frame it at mat it for one person...my mother. I put a lot of myself into that picture and she immediately how special she was to me because of it.

 

That being said, although he may not be ready for a relationship right now (and me neither) I honestly believe that this is his way of telling me that I am important and special to him.

 

Maybe I am just being naive...maybe not....maybe I'm reading into it way too much. But, he had every opportunity to ignore me and just not give this to me, and that's not the road he chose.

[Jadtt]

So, my ex calls me last night. I needed his help with some computer krap and he's going to help me. On top of that, he still needs to give me this pic he drew and framed for me. (see top)

 

He calls, we talk, he's coming over on Tuesday, we're going out to dinner. Now, I asked him last week if he wanted to go to dinner (AS FRIENDS) and he was all about it...not a problem. Then I just ask him if he still wants to go and he's like "I don't know". WTF? You don't know...it's just a friends thing.

 

Anyway, we decided on Tuesday. Thus far, since we've broken up, I have not called him 1 time. I texted him for some computer assistance (he's a wiz) and that's it. This guy has been calling every couple days for two weeks since we started talking again.

 

I just have this wrenching feeling that this guy still likes me, but only wants to see me when it's convenient for him. I want more, nothing serious, just more. I don't want to be a "convenience". Here's the thing, do I just take it slow and let everything unfold for a little longer (we did just start communicating w/him only two weeks ago) OR do I confront him now. I think I should wait a little while, confronting him now might drive him away?