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One last time... Disaster Strikes


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This is going to sound very numb... I am emotionally exhausted right now.

 

My girlfriend has gotten away from her abusive husband, but it's not final yet. She has been lving with her sister for a little while now. This afternoon she went to her old apartment to get a few things she left there. She wasn't expecting anyone to be there, but he was. She said she was thrown off because he parked his car accross the street and not in his usual spot. She walked in. They argued, and he beat her up.

 

She told me several details about what happened. He grabbed her by the hair and was shaking her around. She got away but he shoved her really hard and she fell, (Hurting her ankle in the process). He started kicking her while she was on the floor and so she rolled herself up for protection. He said "That's right, be HELPLESS!" He got down on the floor and bit her cheek and started choking her. She was somehow able to fight him off and run into the bathroom. She pulled out her cell phone, but he came in (the door doesn't lock). He asked her if she was calling her "boytoy" (me, in other words) to come and save her. She told him she was calling the cops. He hit her in the face and challenged her to hit him back, she didn't. She ran out of the apartment and to the neigbors where she called the cops.

 

So, assault charges have been pressed, a statement has been taken, her marks have been photographed. He is in jail tonight.

 

She showed up at my house a while later. I didn't know about any of this, but seeing her made it pretty obvious. She has bruises all over her neck, her eye is swollen half shut, she has teeth marks on her face (again). She is going to stay here with me tonight. She didn't go to work, and her boss told her she could have tomorrow off too. She doesn't want everyone she works with asking what happened and gossiping about her.

 

It's embarrassing to admit, but I was so upset when I heard all this... She went and got in the shower and I went into the downstaris bathroom and nearly cried.

 

I want to torture this guy. I hope everyone realizes that I wouldn't actually do it. I want to squeeze his neck in a vice and have my neigbor's pitbull bite his face a few times. I hope some big hairy guy is really making him feel welcome in jail.

 

She is sleeping right now... I just had to get this out...

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I'm glad that she got away from that horrible man. She did the right thing in getting out of there and calling the police. Don't worry, he will get what is coming to him.

 

I don't think you should be embarrassed about nearly crying. You care about her. When people hurt those I care about, I often cry... I'm a girl, yes, but I've seen other men cry when someone they love is hurt.

 

Is your girlfriend seeing a counselor at all? I can't imagine the emotional trauma that she must be facing...

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Hellfrost,

 

Wow, that is an awful story. I know there isn't anything you can do about the fact that she already got assaulted beyond what she did in having him arrested and put in jail (good for her!) It's difficult for you to feel so helpless but you are best to remain in the background, being supportive. The last thing she needs is two men in jail.

 

I do recommend that in the future if she needs things from their apartment--she call the police and get an escort over there to collect her things. If she tries to go over alone again, first of all it looks bad if she is trying to build a case against him in court, and second of all next time she may not get out like she did this time.

 

I'm sorry that she went through this, and I hope you are doing OK too-- you are in a very tough situation were you are going to need to be available to her but not pushy, and don't press her for answers or action. Hopefully if you remain a constant and quiet presense to her she will come to you when she is ready for help.

 

Also a good thing that she is in counselling, is it helping her do you think?

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I know I should remain in the background, and I have. It's just not easy. I know he will get what's coming to him in the end and I will have nothing to do with it. Still, it doesn't stop me from thinking of fun ways to torture him.

 

Yes, she should have gone with someone and not alone. But, it was when he is normally working. He did park his car accross the street. She told me he does that sometimes when thier naighbor blocks his spot. It was just aweful timing. I know she wouldn't have gone inside if she knew he was home. Of all the days for him to call off work...

 

I am really trying hard not to push her. I don't get the impression that I am. That was my concern with my trip back home. That is also the reason we aren't messing around at this time (I'm not sure how long that will last though). I think you said it right -a constant and quiet presense.

 

I think the counceling is helping her. She is not nearly as timid as she was. I think everyone needs some outlet. Right now, her councelor is really the only person she can talk to without a biast opinion on all this.

 

I do love her to death though...

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I do love her to death though...

 

Than the best gift you can give her is patience and space. It takes time to get over something as traumatic as this, sometimes years, and some never get over it. Although I think it's nice that you are supporting her through it, I myself personally think the best thing she could do for herself and her healing is to be on her own for awhile and learn to be self sufficient and find her own identity, not as part of a couple.

 

I am not saying that you are taking that away from her and I know you want what is best for her, but I do think that she needs that, and that until she has it, she has little hope of getting close to getting over it.

 

We need to learn to be able to count on ourselves for happiness and independance, and not always need to lean on another. If it were to happen again (and not with you, just persay), she would then be much more likely to leave and recognize what was wrong for herself, and not think she'd rather die at his hands than be alone.

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I don't know what else I can do that I am not already doing or haven't already done... I don't want to mess things up with her. People tell me to give her space and be patiant with her, but I don't know how to do that.

 

Sorry for the late reply... I've been sick the last couple days and haven't been online much.

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