Getting back with your Exgirlfriend

[twentyOnE]

Intro:

Hi, Let me give you a little background information about myself. I'm a 21 year old college student and i've been with my ex-gf for almost 2 years and we have been broken up for 2 months. I am currently out of the country in S. Korea working for the summer so I haven't seen her since then. Everyday I'm still suffering inside and is still trying to heal my wounds.

 

The Story:

My ex-girlfriend and I have been awesome for the first year. I was 19 and she was 17. Now, 21 and 19. I'm the closest person to her still (closer than her family). We had no major problems and we told each other we were meant to be. During the 2nd year we had some big problems which caused us to break up two times. At the final break up, this is what she said to me.

 

-"i've been with you for the past two years, now i want to see how my life is without you."

-"I still love you but i'm using my head rather than following my heart."

-"I'm sorry."

 

Now it's been 2 months we've been apart and we still talk occasionally and I try not to call and i NEVER instant message her first. I don't want to come off looking desperate, weak, etc. So right now i'm in Korea working mon.-fri. and she decided she wanted to come visit Korea for the summer so i bought her a plane ticket($880) and as i'm typing this now, she's flying her butt over here.

 

The Problem:

See, during the 2 months we've been apart, she's NEVER said I LOVE YOU to me and until recently, she told me that she loves me. During the beginning of the break up, we'd saw each other and hooked up, etc. Now since she's on her way here, I don't know what i should expect. I do want her back very badly, yet i don't want to come off weak and needy. Did she just use me for the plane ticket for a free vacation trip? What made her say that she loves me? I don't know if she's saying she loves me as a person or as a lover. How can I test her to see if there's a place for me in her heart?

[Heretic]

She said she loves you because she still does. Love is forever, no matter what happens she's going to still love you. This doesn't mean she wants a relationship though.

 

What you need to figure out when she's over there is why she's over there without asking. She could just be there for closure. Odds are if she's not hooked up you guys are going to have sex. You have to realize this is also not a sign you're back together or that you're getting back together. It's more a need to deal with that feeling emotionally and physically with someone you care about deeply.

 

That said what you need to watch for is what she says. Don't bring up the relationship, and when she does agree or disagree and then change the subject. Don't brood on it, it can cause a rift.

 

Don't tell her how hurt you are... it will get you back together if you play your cards right but it'll cause you to break up 2 months later with a lot more angst this time round.

 

Watch if she smiles whenever she looks into your eyes. This is a dead giveaway she is not looking for closure. Other then that look for how often and for how long she touches you when you're not alone with her.

 

Those are all the tips I can think of right now, if I think up anymore I'll post em... it's just kinda late, just got back from a wonderful evening with my ex

 

Hope this helps.

[twentyOnE]

What if she tries to touch me or make the FIRST move? what should I do? back off? let things go? I have to protect myself from future pain.

[tobigahart]

Yet again Heretic's right -- It is very unusual that she would come over and visit you but ultimately, if you are looking to save yourself from being hurt you are going to have to understand that she may come close to you only as a way of making it easier for herself. I did the same thing

Giving in will give you short relief but its the talking that will be the best for you in the long run...

 

Best of luck, I sincerely hope things work for you both.

[hennypenny]

sweetie after reading ur deliemma I gotta say....maybe she's using u....believe me I know how u feel about ur ex or rather I can relate . I feel the same way about my ex....and we've been broken up a lot longer than 2 months. I wish some 1 would have told me this little piece of advice b4 I let my ex back over 10 times in less than 2 years " they shouldn't have to leave u to realize they need u in their life" my ex said every line imaginable from....he needed time to work out his problems, I like and I care about you to .....I'm not ready for a relationship but, the worst was when he sat there and said he'd closed his heart a long time ago. But, he'd always come back saying he loves me and I'm the most important thing in his life.....Just remember no 1 likes 2 b alone so, when he said all those nice things I believed he meant it.......look closely at her stop looking for the girl u fell in love with and ur eyes may see a completely different person..... the fact is she may need u because she's feeling exactly what ur feeling but, what happens when she realizes ur still the same person and so is she Don't let n e 1 tell u what to chose but, don't regret n e thing either .....I know I do