Am i a jerk?

[adeius]

Well, ok i shall start it like this:

 

I have been with this gal for like 3 over years and yes we did have our happy times. I really loved this gal and thought she was the one. We had sex as well, it was both our first time. I found that she became very clingy and soon, i felt so stuffy. I wanted to take a breather. I didn't tell her how i felt. We continued to have sex more often because we did live together for a while. I really thought she was the one. I loved her and yes, had our happy times, and she did sacrifice a lot to make me happy by enjoying what i enjoyed and always giving in to me

 

After a long while, I decided to break up with her. I called her over the phone and told her that. I didn't tell her i got attached to someone else. I broke off with her and cut off all contact whatsoever. When i managed to talk to her, i told her i was never happy and that the love was gone. She crumbled.

[GregB]

Yes, you are a selfish jerk.

 

Why in hell are you so important that your every whim and moment must be satisfied at the expense of other human beings and their feelings?

 

You, sir, are the problem with Western Society and you are the reason that decent men are constantly shat apon by bitter women who were scorned by the likes of you.

 

If there is a Hell, I sincerely hope to see you in it.

 

-GregB

[segagirl]

I think you will get response that says yes you are. But...I am always saying "why is it we always say someone is a jerk when they dump us..." I think that you saying you were never happy could have been left out, but overall you cannot stay with someone you do not love. Break ups are a part of life, and thank god....just think if we all had to stay with the first person we met, we may never have found the love of our lives.

[biasedidiot2]

i agree with greg u r a real basterd and shouldnt c happines agin

[Babes]

A$$HOLE!!!! GRRRRRR I hate men like you no wait BOYS like you. All you wanted was sex from her so you didnt have to jack it yourself

[Peter_L]

I too think you're a jerk, jerk. No offense and I don't mean to be so direct, but I think I've been in her position and she deserved much better.

[sisterlynch]

It is the way that he did it, he lied and told her over the phone that they were off, and never wanted to speak to her again, it sounds like a plot from the Brady Bunch!!

[adeius]

Yes yes i know i was a jerk. But i just had so much work up my head, until my work was being affected (FYI, i am still studying).

 

Well, we were always quarelling, and she never seemed happy. But she did tell me that when she quarrelled with me was when she missed me most. I have actually wanted to call it off right from the start. But somehow, it dragged this long and while it was dragging, we had sex lots. She didn't seem keen, but for me, she was willing.

 

I told her i felt stuffed up, she crumbled and said in a moment of anger that she wanted to break off. So i thought about it for a while and decided. ok. But she did apologise ceaselessly, her virginity meant a lot to her and i am so sorry and regretful to have taken it away. She just kept apologising and kept saying that she wanted to make things work out. Honestly, i do feel stressful with this gal. I felt that i was just happy trying to make her happy, didn't bother thinking about what i felt. So is this the time now? Am i still a jerk?

[kittykat]

You know something adeius, i think that having sex to someone and making promises to her at the same time can drive a gal to suicide. She has already said sorry ceaselessly, what do you want her to do? Kill herself before you forgive her? or probably you have forgiven her. But 3 years with someone for a gal is not an easy task. I am sure this gal loves you a lot! She can even disregard her dignity and ask you to go back with her. She knows that without you, her life is not worth living. And a guess is that this gal have sacrificed a lot for you. Has she ever quarreled with her parents over you? Has she given up her favorite food for you? Has she given in to your ceaseless requests? Has she tried to enjoy what you enjoyed? Has she given you lots of nice things that she felt meant a lot to you? Has she tried to get to know your friends better for you? Has she lost her virginity because of you? Has she disregarded what others felt and thought and still fought to be with you?

 

If she has, why can't you give her another chance? Have you done equally amount she has done? What this gal has done is to love you unconditionally. All she ever wanted was your constant assurance, your constant attention and your constant love. That was all she wanted. And because she has lost something that meant alot to her, she used you as her crutches and you are complaining now that you are stuffed up. and hence breaking off with her. Well done!

 

Probably she has done some things to make you angry. Probably like what most gals do would be to restrict your freedom, make lots of noise when you go out for a boy's night, quarel with you for no reason, make unreasonable requests and because of this, you are going to give up on her, what kinda man are you????

 

And yes, your own friends might not tell you, they might even support you in your face, but i can tell you for the fact that YES YOU ARE A JERK

[Peter_L]

I think I speak for the entire community when I say "YOU SUCK." But you're new here and I want to give you a warm welcome . I know how it feels to be her right now and I personally think you should go rot in hell for the emotional pain she has and will have for years to come.

You should really find a way to make it up to her, or at least try to get back together for her sake (but only if you are willing to love her).

Again I don't want to offend you or hurt your feelings...but you really, REALLY deserve it.

[adeius]

Please advice anyone???

[Peter_L]

Yeah, I think we should give advice and not criticism. I suggest you talk to her. Apologize for the time you've stolen. And work on rebuilding something - even if it's a tiny, little friendship if that's possible. Don't just leave her on her own.

[kddmsu]

I don't think that you should have dragged the relationship out for such a long time if in fact you were having the feelings you had. But the advice you are getting by "getting back together with your ex", is all wrong. You said that you are not happy with her and that you don't feel that you love her anymore, well then it's best for you to leave her be. Because if you do go back to her and tell her what happened you are going to hurt her more. She is either going to think that you are giving hopes for the future and cling onto that or you are just going to hurt her more with the feelings you had and never told her. I think the best thing to do, is to not contact her I mean she has gone this long not having contact with you. I am sure if anything that any contact that you do give is going to cause her more pain and confusion. If for your sake you do want to tell her why you broke it off, you can do that in order to give her some sort of closure.... but do not tell her things like - I can see us in the future or I do still love you. Just be truthful!!!! Also don't rub in her face that you have found someone else. But also I want you to think about the girl you are with now, make sure she just isn't a rebound girl. Which after 3 years of being with someone and finding someone so quickly, I can almost guarantee that the new girl is a rebound. Make sure you don't hurt this new girl like you did the past one.

 

In my opinion I think that you are the type of person who needs the satisfacation of always having someone there. I think that you may need time to be on your own and really analyze what makes you happy. I don't think jumping from one relationship to the next is healthy. I think that you need to learn what it's like to be alone and not find happiness through other people loving you...... but that is just my opinion..... take it how you want.

[adeius]

and her feelings?

[kddmsu]

and her feelings? what do you mean by that? Everything I said was considering her feelings. If you don't want to be with her then don't put yourself back in her life, she will get over it and find something better. I was basically saying, don't play with her. I guess I don't know what you were saying with your statement, please explain in more detail.

 

I mean what it comes down to is, It's your life so do what makes you happy. You can't live your life trying to make others happy, you need to live "your" life. She wasn't making you happy, so I think that you did the right thing, but you went about it in a sort of cowardish way...... but you did what was right. It wouldn't have been fair to her by contining the relationship of you don't truley love her anymore.

[reborn]

Hey, sorry you are getting such mean responses. But when I first read your posting I also beeep the heck out you!!!!

 

Look I think nobody is really bad or good. Relationships are about 2 people doing "good" and "bad" things to each other.

 

However, I do think there is the concept of maturity and consideration for anothers person´s feelings. Maybe you need some experience. unfortunately the most sensitive people are those who have been hurt. Maybe in order for you to understand the pain your action have caused your ex yuo need to go through something like this happening to you. This is not something I wish upon you, this is just something that life itself takes care of. It is like a pancake you know. It flipps. Maybe not now maybe 10 years from now. But this is life baby, and nobody leaves without a broken heart. Other wise check this site out for a good sampler from all over the world.

 

I don´t think you have to stay in a relationship you are not happy with. But if you know a person cares about you, even if they are not perfect you must at least show them some respect. That is the very, very least you can do. But hey, again I don´t blame you. You live and learn

 

Something that has called my attention tremendously is that you are here posting and asking all of us to tell you if you are a jerk. I don´t think you are stupid. Deep down you know that if you write something like this in a forum where most folks are broken hearted or have been dumped you will get your bones eaten out. YOU are the enemy to many of the ones reading your post because the same thing has been done to them. You clearly put your ex as the victim. So, my opinion is that you want to be punished.

When you want to be punish you feel guilty. So, I guess maybe you are not such a bad jerk after all, but a nice jerk who wants to mend what he did. I certainly hope you find your way and do the right thing.and that you find the answer you need in this forum.

 

Reborn

[adeius]

so you mean that it is ok for me to see someone else now?

 

Well, i did mean to tell her 2 years ago. but i didn't. Was it wrong of me?

[adeius]

furthermore, to still have sex with her, knowing that it meant so much to her. And trying to make things better i thought so

[kddmsu]

Like I said, I think that if you had doubts you should have gotten out of the relationship when you felt that way.......but you didn't so there is nothing you can do now. I mean what's done is done.... but hopefully this will be a learning experience for you.

 

I in no way think that you are a jerk, I think that you were just confused and maybe a little immature. Now your ex on the other hand could probably think of some worse words than jerk But really just think about your actions in the future and try not to be soo selfish. I mean it took you a little too long but what you did was right, in letting her go..... and when you conitnued having sex, I think in your mind you thought that would help you fall in love again. I honestly don't think what you did was intentional, I just think that you were confused and trying to figure out if you could fix things in the relationship. But Communication is the key to all relationships and it sounds like your last one had a huge lacking.

 

As far as seeing someone else, that is entirley up to you. There is not "right" or "wrong" time in which you start seeing someone else, but I think that if you find someone right away that they are probably just a rebound to help you get over you last relationship. You really need to think about if you are with this person because you truley see something special or if it is to ease the loneliness and pain. In my opinion I think that this girl is probably a rebound.... but who knows. My advice would be to take time off from girls and really find who you are. Can you lead a life without someone else there or are you just too dependent on someone else? It's a question of independence and whether you are happy with your life.

[sisterlynch]

You are doing fine!! She sounds unstable, and yu tried to work on it with her, but some people have an unfillable void in their character. I feel that you are still recovering from an addiction, a love addiction...It is never easy, so cut yourself some slack and relax, it is over, you don't need to worry about her anymore, just think of your own needs!!

 

The next step is to get your studying done!! Be good!!

[kittykat]

i can understand why you are saying all these. But have you all considered that the gal has given her all and everything to someone she thought would love her and cherish her. She gave unconditionally and that is what i see as true love.

 

If you didn't love her, why sleep with her? if you didn't love her, why promise her? if you didn't love her, why keep her happy?

 

Do you think that you are being justified by just jumping from one relationship to another just like a flip of a coin?

Was it all just a game? where now it is just game over on the screen? How can this be fair to the other party?

 

Can you justify if you were entirely unhappy for the past few years? I really cannot believe that anyone can say that!!!!!

Think hard, think really hard adeius, WERE YOU?? WERE YOU REALLY UNHAPPY FOR THE PAST FEW YEARS?

 

Don't let unhappiness in the bumpy part of the relationship at this point of time get you down and make you think that you were never happy or worse still, never even loved her! Don't do this!!!

[sisterlynch]

Two years isn't enough to figure out if his feelings were true?? It is -- he has a right to get out of a relationship that doesn't make him happy, right!! That is more of a strain than a challenge, let him have his own feelings about it, he admitted that he was a jerk, it is over now!

 

Let him heal and move forward, don't make him feel guilty, is guilt enough to make a person happy??

 

I don't think it is!!

[kittykat]

Yes, definitely he has the right to get out. But he has to first question if he was saying things out of anger? or was it straight from the heart.

 

A relationship requires effort and work. spending time and effort in 2 years is quite a lot of time and effort put in.

 

Yes, there might also be other factors that caused the break up. Friend's influence? Peer pressure. There was someone there so readily available so why not?

 

Btw, why should he feel guilty if he did no wrong? unless he was cheating on her towards the end. Or else, why would there be the guilt element?

[soul]

First off,

Yes, you are a jerk. But hey women do the same thing to men all the time. It doesn't make it right I know. You need to stop having sex with her and give her the closure she needs. If you don't it will mess her up in every other relationship she will ever have, and she does not deserve that. She is going to have trust issues and evntually she will meet someone who will love her the way she, deseves but she won't let herself love him and it will have alot to do with how you treated her. She gave you 3 years of her self man, she deserves better. So don't mess it up for the few good guys out there like me. Because we end up meeting these girls give them our entire heart, just for them to leave us for the @$$ hole that broke her heart years back. So take my advice for what it is worth.

[adeius]

Just a question, what kinda closure should i be looking at?