Am I making the mistake of my life?

[IdiotSavant]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 13 months now. She had just recently moved to Tally (FSU) to go to college and now we are 150 miles apart. We've talked about me moving out to tally by the beginning of 06. But all of a sudden things started gettin hard. I'd call her and she'd always be to busy to talk to me, would never call me back, wouldnt answer her phone ect. It was making me angry to go from number one in her life to whatever I was. So, we had a talk last week. She told me that this relationship got to serious all of a sudden by me moving to tally. And that she wanted to do the college thing and that being with me she wasnt able to experience everything. She told me straight up that she WILL hook up with people while drinking. Our definition of hooking up is making out and to me that is cheating. She also said that she wants me to be there with her but by doing so that's to serious. Now, I know we are young. I'm 21 and she's 19. Oh, and when we first started this relationship I told her that even a kiss is cheating by my standards and I dont like cheaters or liars. I only said that because she's cheated on every boyfriend she's had (kissing). I thought maybe I was the exception. So...anyways, we decided on taking a break to think things through. We both agreed not to do anything with anyone until after our meeting this weekend. I called her the other night and I told her that I'm not going to be able to date her because she made it loud and clear that she wanted to hook up with other guys, she didnt want me moving to be with her. I was just putting it up in the air til she comes this weekend to discuss everything. After a bit of talking she admitted to cheating on me already (even though it was during our break). Like I said, I dont like liars and I dont like cheaters and she did both to me. The only way I could stay with her is if I moved to tally. But she's scared of that situation. I care for her so much and she cares for me so much. But if she's already cheated on me once, she'll probably do it again since she does have a history of cheating. I really want to be with her and she wants to be with me. I feel like if I end this relationship I'm making a huge mistake, neither one of us want to end this. I know what I have to do but I dont want to. She then said that she wants us to be friends still, which I can do, and that when she comes home she wants to to do our "thing" and then when she goes home to tally she's allowed to do whatever she wants. I know there are a bunch of people out there who have been in this situation. Someone please give me a little bit of advice.

[RayKay]

She obviously does not feel the same way about you, or have the same values and goals for this relationship you do.

 

She's a cheater in her past, she a liar (about promising not to do anything on "break") and has even said she WILL cheat again and "hook up" with others.

 

Cut it off NOW. I only see more heartbreak and pain here for you, don't be a doormat. Let her hook up all she wants, but you won't be the one waiting around for her. Move on and find someone equally as committed to you as you are to them and whom respects you and you them.

[jevonj77]

You know....this is a very easy answer...

 

You are already broken up. You get it...just now you have to make it clear...like the previous person said...Break up NOW.

 

What a lot of people don't understand coming from highschool is that this is going to happen. I garuntee if you try doing anything else, she will regret it and as a result so will you.

 

Look, she did not pick FSU because it had a reputation for being a Christian college...we all know that FSU is one of the universities where there are top notch parties..."the college life" as some would see it is born in places like this.

 

Don't be sad about it at all...just move on...most likely she will think about you later...but I am hoping that by then you have already found someone else...

Break up NOW...

[BellaDonna]

I feel like if I end this relationship I'm making a huge mistake

 

I think it's the BEST thing you can do. Honestly, from what you've written, she just wants to keep you around for attention and to play BF/GF when she comes home, yet do whatever and potentially whoever she wants while she's away. Sorry to be so harsh, but that is the reality. I'm sorry you have to go through this.

 

She does not want to fully commit to you, and has made a conscious decision to violate the relationship and your trust.

 

You clearly know what you want in a partner: a commitment. She can't and won't give you that. Why let her string you along? You DESERVE happiness. Don't settle for less.

 

Don't give her any more of your heart. She clearly isn't the girl for you.

 

BellaDonna

[HajiMaji]

I know when youre in it its hard to see the situation from our perspective. This girl doesnt seem to have your best interest in mind. To me, it seems as shes using you. She wants you up there, but on her terms. She wants you to be there when shes home. It seems like thats pretty selfish.

 

I know you feel like you need to try hard and fix this relationship. I know its hard to trust other's advice when you are crazy in love with a girl. I agree with everyone else. Break it off. Get some sorta closure. Tell her that you love her but if shes going to do the 'college thing' (making out with other dudes) then its gonna be without you. If she ever realizes that is a silly way to live (which they always do) then she might call you. In the meantime you do your thing. Mourn the loss of this relationship, take as much time as you need to heal. Dont linger on with her.

 

Good luck man.

[HajiMaji]

accidently clicked submit twice...

[IdiotSavant]

You know, I've talked to my good friends about this and then I figured I'd throw it out into the internet to get more perspectives about this. And from what I'm hearing/reading is that -everyone- has said the exact samething. I just feel like I'm going to regret this even though I know its what I have to do. Thanks for the input people. I honestly hope one day she is going to wake up and realize that "hooking up" with all these random people will never amount to what our relationship once was. Just one other question, are my views of cheating wrong...such as kissing another? I feel as if when your in a relationship with someone you dont do anything physical with another person. Sometimes I think if I didnt have that point of view, things could be different??

[chai714]

Idiot,

I think that you two have too different of a value system in order for this relationship to work. Especially when your definition of cheating and her definition of cheating don't coincide, it creates a major problem. Not sure I can or anyone can attribute it to her immaturity, but it seems too big a problem for you to work out. If you were to stay with her, you would have to convince her to change her views on cheating and as we all know it's difficult to persuade one to your way of thinking - sometimes it's just easier to walk away. Good luck.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

Idiot,

 

I don't think your views on cheating are wrong. I think they're just right in fact. I use this measurement for cheating. Picture you're in a room with just you, your significant other, and some other person. Now, with your significant other sitting there watching you, would you "hook up" with that person? I'm guessing not. Basically if you're doing something with someone else that you feel the need to hide it from your significant other then that's cheating.

 

I agree with the other posters here by the way. This woman doesn't deserve you and you deserve better. With everyone (it seems like sometimes) picking up and tossing away commitments like so much garbage, it's rare to find someone who will make the effort to make things work. Someday when she grows up she might realize what she gave up. In the meantime, don't wait for her to do that. Find someone who is right for you and won't take your feelings for granted like this girl has.