NEED HELP!! (warning, extremly long)

[obscuresin]

Hi, I'm new to these forums.

 

I've been trying to give advice to people, and need a lot myself. Paradoxal, but I think I give better advice to others than I do for me.

 

Anyway, I'm a little drunk so some of it may not make sense.

 

Overall, here's what happened in the past two months.

 

I meet this girl at my work, beautiful as can be, very sweet and friendly, etc etc (the dream girl)

 

She has a boyfriend who she's been with for a year and a half. I ask her out, and we start appreciating each other's company. We start talking on the phone for hours and hours until 4-6 o'clock in the morning almost every night. Then one night (one week after we first hung out), we kiss by the lake. Four days later, she dumps her boyfriend.

 

For me, it basically heaven on earth. I found the perfect girl, who seems to be into me a lot. I have to admit, her ex boyfriend was a jerk off and didn't deserve her.

 

About three weeks later, she realizes that she's late for her period. It freaks me out cause it wouldn't have been mine (or at least, the chances would've been extremly slim) and it kinda freaks her out too, but not as much (she wants kids very badly). A week later, during sex she gets her periods. On the way back to her house from mine, we talk about it, and say stupid things like "I don't want kids until I'm at least 30" or "You would need to get an abortion cause you're not ready" etc etc.

 

She thinks about all those things and thinks she misses her ex boyfriend. So, she calls me two nights later and she breaks up with me over the phone. At that point, I was already in love with her. She tore my heart apart to pieces. For five days I was living hell on earth, especially that she was doing the NC. Which for me, meant she never gave a damn about me.

 

I went to my workplace one day to buy a few things not expecting to see her but I did. I was kinda pissed off at her because of the way she did it, and also because she did not show the least care about me or the way I was handling it. Of course, she was very well aware of my feelings and lead me on to think she had the same. But anyways, I told her I needed to see her after her work for an hour or so to talk things over. Which she agreed. We went to a restaurant and talked about things. I was making her think I was being very strong about it and was kinda probing to see how she felt about the situation. So I avoided the conversation about "us". Later on, we decide to go to a park. On the way there, she just wept in the car like I've never seen a girl weep. She was saying she was sorry and felt really bad. It broke my heart. I was feeling pain seeing her cry like that. I pulled over and when she was finally done, we drove there. She started flirting with me a couple of hours later, and I was staying distant telling her I wouldn't let her kiss me, etc. Later on I did, and we were back together that day.

 

This time it took her a week and a half to dump her ex once more. Things weren't the same after that. I was scared like hell that I would lose her once more. I was being way too open and honest with my feelings, and I was being a little paranoid too. Of course, we became the two most popular people at work and a lot of rumors were going around. Like an idiot I was being sceptical, but still doubtful. Which cause a couple of arguments between us.

 

Finally, she quit because she had to go to college. A week an a half ago. One week after she left for college, she dumped me. That's four days ago. She has been hanging out with a certain Rob almost everynight until 3-4 am getting drunk and partying. She was giving me less and less of her time to talk over the phone, which made me request more and more of it, not giving her room to breathe. So she dumped me saying she wasn't ready for commitment. I did not understand it at first, but then when I heard myself talk to her, I was telling her things like "I love you to death" and just hearing myself say that, scared the crap out of me.

 

So I told her "Ok, take a break, I will work on not being like that. I will work on the trust issue as well."

 

Ever since, if I don't call her, she won't call me. She often blows me off and says "I'll call you back" or the best one tonight was "My reception is dying" and I hear the flip phone close. She was drunk, yes but still. I then tried to call her back to leave a message, saying we needed to talk, but she picked up. After one minute, she puts me hold. Then she says her mom is on the phone and she needs to call me back. I wait, and I start thinking. I get pissed off and call her once more to tell her I will drive down to talk to her next day. The only argument she had to keep me from doing so was " 3 hours is a long drive, I promise I will give you some of my time tomorrow from 3 to 7" And she kept repeating it regardless of me saying that I didn't care about driving and need to get things straight. Again, during this conversation she was drunk. But it pissed me off so I said : Ok, fine, I'm not coming, and I guess you don't give a damn about me, so I won't be calling you back, have a good life. She answered, ok bye.

 

I keep telling myself she was drunk, but I think I'm right and she just doesn't give a damn about me and will do NC with me. The only thing that keeps me going is I know that if I see her again she will want to be with me again. (I think)

 

She has a myspace account so I PMed her the following :

 

 

 

 

What do you think? Worth it or not?

 

I'm deeply in love with her and played all my cards wrong. Is it worth it for me to try to fight for her or should I let go with time, which will be one of the hardest things for me to do.

[skyjuice]

Hi obscuresin,

 

Sorry, the letter is a bit long winded for your ex to read.

 

From your letter to her, you already that she does not want a real relationship as you wrote:

you want superficial relationships. You aren't mentally ready for a real relationship.

 

Sorry, at this point of her life, she is not looking for long term relationship, while you are. As a result, it does not matter, how good you market your love to her. She will not buy it. Because it is like selling ice in the North Pole.

 

My advice would be move on with your life, and let her go.

 

Is she worth it?--that is for you to decide.

[BillyJean714]

I think that you are being WAY too nice to her. Especially, because she keeps on breaking up with you, then contacts you whenever she feels like it on her terms. Sounds like she can't even hold a civil conversation with you. Not only that, she straight up hung up on you and lied about not having reception on her phone. She doesn't seem to respect you. Don't waste your time on this chick. I bet you anything, she only cried to you because she was crying about something else, other than your relationship. If she truly cared, you are right, she would reciprocate through her actions, but she doesn't. I think that she's already made up her mind about how she feels about you. She sounds like a very messed up person. I don't want to be bashing someone who I don't know, but she just doesn't sound like a good person, so let her be. Let some other guy screw her over. You deserve someone who cares for you just as much as you care for them.

[herewegoagain]

Obscuresin - don't waste your time with her. She seems like nothing but trouble. Look what she did to ex bf before she went to you!! Look what she is doing now!!!

 

I know it's hard but forget about her. I'm telling you, you are wasting your time with this girl. Trust me.

[obscuresin]

I think you are right. I Think i didn't want to see it because of the way she treated me when we were together. It was so different I don't understand why she is like this now. But I have to face reality. The juice isn't worth the squeeze.

 

 

Thank you all for your time and advice. I think NC will be my best option about now. Going to try to diversify myself in the meanwhile.

 

Thank you.

[herewegoagain]

NC definitely would be your best bet. Believe me, I've been throuogh it all over the last year, and now my ex is married already after only a year and a month.

 

I tried everything, letters, calls, etc. - nothing worked.

 

The only thing to do is to do NC, and if she contacts you, you can decide wether or not to talk to her further. But let her contact you.

 

My ex never did contact me. It was tough, but that is the way it goes.

 

Trust me on this one!!!

[obscuresin]

There's an update. Today she called me saying she was sorry about last night. We talked for two minutes and she said she would read the PM and call me back. She hasn't called me back. Again, I had hopes like an idiot. I am definitly doing NC until she initiates it and then we'll see.

 

So far it looks like it's a dead end. Thank you all for your advice, I will keep you informed...

[obscuresin]

48 hours NC. So hard!!!!!!!! I try to keep myself divertised but it's so hard!

[melrich]

Are you saying you sent this to her? I am not surprised she has not called you back after reading this.

 

How long did you go out together. From what you posted it seemed like only a couple of months? This PM is way to heavy for someone after only a short while. It also seems very needy and pleading.

 

I think if you sent this then in this situation it may have been a big mistake.

[obscuresin]

you are most likely right, but i couldn't think straight. Yes, we have been together for two months or so. It does seem dead to me.

[melrich]

It does seem dead to me.

 

Yep. In long relationships there are lots of shared experiences etc that are often enough to get a couple back together.

 

In 2 months these are limited and I hope i don't sound too hard, but if you are acting like this after 2 months she may be thinking "imagine if it was 2 years".

 

I think you need to find some perspective around this relationship.

[obscuresin]

You're right. But what we did share in those two months was very strong. And she was leading me on to think she had the same feelings. So I was very open with her. And I got a kick in the butt. At that point, everything needed to come out and unfortunately, killed my chances of getting back with her...