skyjuice Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 Hi Yeah... i have to agree with you. Why people does not work things out first before they give up. Giving up is always not a solution. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 hey - I'm sorry to hear about this. That sucks. Well, I know of lots of people who had similar stories, only to have met someone even better that they are far happier with. I hope that same luck comes to you! Take care! yup...that happens..it happened to me Link to comment
kazman32 Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 I appreciate your words,she stuck with me for a long time,but the last few months were hell I know.My depression ruined things,but what gets me is me her and her son went out as friends and got along great!We even went out with her parents..Everyone agreed I TRULY had made changes in my life..but she always chose her new man even when she had only been seeing him a month.I asked her if she was in love with him after only seeing him a month,and she hesitated and said no..but looking back I think she was after only a month!I don't talk to her anymore,she always had to bring her new man up and throw it in my face.We would be talking via e-mail and she would say she had to go beacuse *&^% was on the phone.Or &^%$ is coming over this weekend..blah blah..I didn't HAVE to hear that!Why not just say you have to go????I do appreciate the support here..this ordeal has really wrecked me..Thanks for all your kind words and encouragment! Link to comment
herewegoagain Posted September 15, 2005 Author Share Posted September 15, 2005 Kazman - i would suggest that you do NC for a long time. Quit the emails, phone, etc. All it does is make things worse. Link to comment
rascal Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 Kazman - i would suggest that you do NC for a long time. Quit the emails, phone, etc. All it does is make things worse. so true. you need to do this. Link to comment
jevonj77 Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 What I can see from this is that she made the decision based on the fact that since this was her sister's husband's "best" friend and since she really must have trusted her sister...it looks like she could have made the decision that he must be ok since her sister wouldn't get a guy who has bad friends and such. I see it kind of like you know how some people want to always make sure that they have the latest "it" cloths or fashion. This looks like she just decided to swap and all she reasoned was that he wasn't bad so I guess he was now "great". The other thing that I see is that she might have been thinking that this relationship would have been easier from the perspective of her family dealing with it...since this individual was already incorporated into the family through being her sister's husband best friend and such. To her I guess it just seemed like an easy fix. Now I am not saying this to say in no way that what she did was right. I am just trying to give you some of the thought process that she might have done. Because I know that that sometimes can help people cope. I also can see from this that she most likely did not think it through and must have simply played along until they were married. Maybe it will back fire a few years from now. Anyways I wish you luck and after a while...I think you should start going out and meeting new women. Life can be short. Link to comment
kazman32 Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 I have as about 2 weeks ago,I asked to get her son's cell phone # so we could talk,but never heard anything,so I let it go,I have decided as hard as it is I shouldn't have contact with her son(Though I miss him and care very much about him)It just hurts to bad,to hear him say he wants me to be there for him and he dosn't like the new bf.Thank You everyone for you advice! Link to comment
Juha Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 Happened to me also....My anxiety was hell and I treated her badly...SHe stuck with me for a while but did not understand as I did not talk... When I finally went and got help to get better and change she left and is with a loser who is a "recovering" heroin addict, that makes me feel good.... He just happened to be nice to her when she needed it so she left and is with him...I am getting better and changing myself for the better but she won't even look and acknowledge it... People have said I am looking and acting much better, she just ignores it as it is easier to deny something than try and work at it...The easy way out... I have days where I feel angry, sad, happy, eetc.... I have been on NC for 9 days after semi contact for 2 months... Her laast text she thinks I hate her...How stupid is she??? Link to comment
Juha Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 Kazman she is being irresponsible with her son's feelings... Not caring about his feelings about everything is bad and he is going to have problems because of this later on.. I have a friend who was very careful of her son's feelings about dating men... She is being irresponsible with her son and she will pay for it ....... Hang in there things will get better.....You can't do anything about it .... Link to comment
kazman32 Posted September 15, 2005 Share Posted September 15, 2005 Thank you so much! It just breaks my heart she is talking about moving him away to live with this man,he is going to miss his grandparents so much,he is so close to them,and he is very well adjusted at his school,he has lots of very close friends and at his age(12)he is starting to become social with girls here.It breaks my heart he will have to start all over.Metting new friends,new school,and then him not seeing his grandparents,on top of the fact he just dosn't like this man.It makes me so sad!But I realize there is nothing I can do...Thank you. Link to comment
herewegoagain Posted September 16, 2005 Author Share Posted September 16, 2005 Jevonj77 - I see what you mean by her picking her sister's husband's best friend to get serious with (and marry) - BUT - the fact is, her parents never did like her sister's husband ever since they first went out (in fact they even told me that a while back). My ex's sister just recently married this guy back in March. He has no real job, flunked out of college, etc. So basically, I guess the parents just had to learn how to love him - no choice I guess. So my point is, I think my ex's man (husband) is just like the other guy(her sister's husband), In fact I know he is (Someone informed me all about him a few months ago). So those two guys are very much alike. In fact, looking back now, i remember that even the cousins, aunts, uncles, etc all thought that her sister's husband was a loser. Again, they even used to say it in front of me. Also, I was very close to her family, and especially her dad. I really loved them and i was looking forward to joining the family, but obviously, things didn't work out In fact, i really miss them, and it hurt that they never aknowledged me ever again since we broke up. Oh well!! anyway, your ideas about my ex choosing her new man make sense, but in this case, it doesn't seem to be the case - WHICH MAKES THE WHOLE THING EVEN MORE MIND BOGGLING!!!! anyway, thanks for your insight, much appreciated. Link to comment
kazman32 Posted September 16, 2005 Share Posted September 16, 2005 herewegoagain I'm sorry I wasn't meaning to hijack your thread,it's just we have alot in common,and I need all the help I can get.I do hope things get better for you, it is such a painful thing to deal with. Link to comment
herewegoagain Posted September 16, 2005 Author Share Posted September 16, 2005 Kazman - I'm with ya buddy!!! Hang in there. It will get better - I promise. It just takes a while. Link to comment
Juha Posted September 16, 2005 Share Posted September 16, 2005 Herewegoagain I don't know what to tell you except people make bad decisions sometimes...It depends on what kind of person she is/was also... If she is the type to let people influence her then maybe her sister had alot of influence on her and swayed her to him.... Maybe she is still immature and will accept this situation "for now" but when the reality hits later on she may rethink things... Did her sister like you? This is very hard and I feel for you... Link to comment
herewegoagain Posted September 17, 2005 Author Share Posted September 17, 2005 Juha - - Her sister always liked me. And a matter of fact, her husband liked me a lot too. In fact I saw them out one night last fall, and the sister and her man (they were not married yet) came up and talked to me and said they are not going to let things that happened get between us, and that we go back a long way, etc. I don't know if they were just being polite or friendly, but they were very nice to me. Who knows - they may be two-faced, but they seemed sincere. But, I have not seen them or talked to them since. So after all that was said and done, I guess they had no choice but to "be on their side." Also, JUHA, I read that your ex is taking the easy way out, and doesn't aknowledge how much better you have become. It's a shame she doesn't want to see it. Trust me, someday she will regret treating you like that. Just hang in there. thanks Link to comment
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