Whats the difference between desperation and honesty?

[lahso]

I've been reading through some old posts trying to figure out a situation I'm in. It brought a question to my mind that I wanted to pose to everyone. Bottom line is girls do not want a guy that seems desperate, this is common knowledge. How do you distinguish desperation from true feelings? Girls don't want a guy that is always accessible, calls them all the time, gives them too much attention, etc. So what if you really feel like you would do anything in the world for a girl?

 

I go out on a least a couple of dates a month, meet a lot of girls and don't really feel that they are what I' looking for. I meet this one girl about 4 months ago. I would do anything for her. She is everything that I want in a girlfriend ...Maybe even more. I realized tonight that I come accross as desperate. But I'm not, I just really, really like her and I would do anything for her. She is always on my mind, which is weird because in 27 years, I know I have never felt these feelings before. Is this desperation or honesty? If I choose to suppress my emotions, isn't this just playing games, which I refuse to do, its not who I am.

 

Even since I met her I still go on other dates, and she does also. I can tell her feelings for me aren't as strong, but we still spend a fair amount of time together. She has had plenty of opportunity to tell me she just wants to be friends, but she hasn't. I haven't really told her completely how I feel or forced my emotions on her, because I know that would only drive her away. Regardless, whenever I'm with her I turn into a complete "fool in love" and come accross as this desperate guy that would do anything for her. All because I wear my heart on my sleeve when and she is able to see my true emotions.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say that I'm not a desperate guy, I don't have a hard time getting dates, and I know what I want in a relationship. However, because I have true feelings for someone, my feelings come accross as being desperate. It's weird to me and I don't really know how to handle it.

 

Thanks for reading, any insight would be great.

 

mt

[activelife81]

well, i dont know how seriously you will take MY advice, seeing that i just wrote something along the same lines recently but...

 

it seems as though you have to let her come to you...i know tradition dictates the guy to be aggressive but these days there are SO MANY guys that are being aggressive and downright abnoxious towards girls, and so many guys only out to get one thing, and willing to lie and fake emotions to get that thing....that i think girls have become harder and more reluctant to trust than they ever used to be.

 

So i think these days it's best to show her respect, flirt a little maybe...but not get too close. Time is the best cure for her reluctance. Once she learns that you are true, and that she can trust you and your emotions and how you act towards her...maybe she will open up. (That is, if she wants you in the same way you want her)

[tobigahart]

*sigh* the classic "should I tell her or not" situation...

 

In my experience and that of others around me waiting is far too taxing on yourself both emotionaly and physically. If she makes you go to mush whenever you're around her then staying as just friends will kill you! and probably only get worse and worse. The thing is though, you don't have to go all out and tell he you'd die for her. I would advise letting her know you're interested in her but keeping a confident stance. Don't let her know you're going to go home and cry if she says no, act confident but let her see that its ok if she says no. This way, if she is interested she'll say yes! in which case you can THEN work on telling her your true feelings (not right away of course ). If she says she'd rather stay friends just smile and say "can't blame a guy for trying". Save the agonising heartbreaking for when you get home, you don't want her to have you out of sympathy! This way you can EASILY stay friends if it doesn't work and you'll also know that she's not interested, thus allowing you to move on in life and continue the search for you one true love

 

Best of ~~LUCK~~

[Foreigner]

Hey lahso,

 

SHOW her that you WANT her. NEVER show her that you NEED her.

 

Foreigner.

[FenderRocker17]

yeah u should take a gander at what foerginer/pook wrote, that seems like a helpful phrase, try askin her out again or something... and like u asked eariler.."am i desperate or is this hoesty?" well..if its the first time you have actually had these feelings, then i'd say its a little bit of both. dont overdo yerself man. hope this helps, i wish the best for you two.

 

-F3|\|(|3|2 |2()CK3|2 17

[lahso]

Hey thanks everyone for the replies. The insight is really helpful. I realize now that there is a fine line in showing your true emotions and coming accross as a "deperado". I didn't want to fall into a trap of "playing games" with someone (or not being who I am). Its not really what it is, its more so just exercising some self-control and learning when and when not to say the things I feel. Just because I feel a certain way doesn't mean that I have to say it, and this is not playing games, its just controlling my emotions. If nothing else comes of this, it will have been a great learning experience for the future.

 

All of this aside, I spent all Friday night and Saturday with her, taking care of her because she was sick (hungover, and yes it was my fault). I was afraid I was too "desperate" when I was with her which is what sparked the original post. I decided I wouldn't call her and be somewhat elusive for the next couple of days. Suprisingly she called me first thing this morning and asked if we could spend the day together. So I guess everything is all good. Baby steps, right?

 

Thanks again, everyone.

 

mt