HELP: girlfriend pursued...

[stevenmakie]

Just needing some advice. What if your girlfriend is pursued by 3 to 4 guys? What if your girlfriend is stressed from them not taking a 'no' for an answer. I don't know the whole story and am not sure whether I should delve into it. She says that all her male friends are turning weird (literally speaking). One of the pursuers she known as a friend for 6 years. Now he's pursueing her with, "I love you", "I won't stop pursueing you until you get married". The other guy sent a photo of her to his parents. Now he and his parents are wanting to have dinner with her, etc. Now my girlfriend has turned off her phone because she can't stand getting so many calls (esp. 6am in the morning, etc.).

 

Some background info. 3 year relationship. Both currently living in separate cities. But visit each other now and then when time allows (studying, work, etc.)

 

Am just wondering what's the best way to get around this problem. Is this my problem or our problem? Should I take the call next time (if it's one of the pursuers), and give him a talking? What should I say?

 

a) "Leave my girlfriend alone."

b) Use aggressive verbal language

c) Pursue a physical attack

 

Need advice. What would a guy do in this situation? I guess I better start eating more lean meat.

[DN]

Why is she telling you all this? Seems very manipulative; as if she wants to make you jealous for some reason.

 

She's a big girl - she should be able to make it clear to men in an effective way that she is not interested. She should not be trying to involve you in a way that could get you into serious trouble.

[Jinx]

I believe in this situation for the process of action option A would prove the best. Now if it is most effective, that is another question. Just be blunt, yet not crude as some find offensive language is just more challenge. Express she is taken and not open for new men and that you'll have to have some type of action taken (even legal if possible) if they continue to constantly harass her with unwanted this or that and that it is stressing her both mentally and physically because they cannot understand she is not interested at their advances.

 

Because with either verbal harassment or physical assault, neither would help much in the long term. Because assault you'd end up with charges pressed and jail wouldn't help get rid of those pursuing her. Verbal Harassment would also end up with trouble which would go against the relationship helping point of chasing them away.

 

I do believe though that if the one is bothering her excessively over the phone and more so stalking or any other related activities, she could change her number so that you were the only one which knew it (Except for other very select individuals) and with stalking or any real harassment she could get legal help I assume to keep them at bay. Yet only if those were to truly occur, I don't know about what could be done at this level.

 

I'm assuming they probably were already interested in her, but there was no obvious opportunity because you were around, thereforeeee they couldn't bother. Now that you're out of the picture in their opinion (distance) they feel she is single and open to "suitors" so to speak.

 

All I can say is, it is bad your girlfriend is being chased around but be careful for your own well being that you don't end up in your own trouble trying to help her.

[stevenmakie]

Thanks for all advice.

 

I do feel that am not doing my job. However it's only phone calls, and previous friends meeting up.

 

I have advised to get the phone numbers barred. I guess I'll do that for her when I next see her.

 

As for me advising her what to do...

 

a) Give them (the pursuers) her cold-attitude (that I've seen before on me).

b) etc..

 

But I think I should take-over a phone call to initiate a pressense. Maybe use sayings like:

 

"Why are you calling my girlfriend?"

"Do not call this phone number ever again"

"Leave my girlfriend alone"

".. etc... "

suggestions welcomed.. plus counter-attacks

"What you are doing is rude and I don't like it"

"...well, rough questions deserve rough answers"

 

Must remember to put on a heavy, hefty voice, while saying these.

 

And maybe raise my voice, etc...

[stevenmakie]

She does say that she is already in love with someone, and has a boyfriend.

 

These guys were her long-term male friends. Male friends she's known for 4, to 6 years. Yep, ofcourse male friends are always going to either:

 

a) have secret crush/feelings for a female companion

b)

 

Etc. However that is not the point anymore. If they have feelings for her then no one can change one's feelings. All I can do is support my gf through this time. The pursueing is obviously going to turn to harassment.

 

I will strongly insist on barring their phone numbers.

 

Or I could test my ego on talking to each one of them:

[stevenmakie]

> I would talk to your girlfriend and see if she wants you involved or

> not. If she does then ask her what she thinks would be the best

> thing to do.

 

That's a very good advice.

 

> There is no point punching her friend is she doesn't thank you for

> it - also she might not appreciate you getting involved in her

> business.

 

Yes, I agree too.

 

> I gotta say that the whole situation sounds a bit fishy are you

> sure that nothing has happened with these guys - its very

> strange that 3 friends would suddenly turn into stalkers for no

> apparent reason

 

Well maybe she's a very friendly person. A lovely caring person. If this is the issue then is there anything I can do about it? I don't really want to insult her by telling her, "maybe you're this... or that..etc". Nor do I want to criticise her or judge her in any way. This is very hard no to step on something am not suppose to.

 

But yes it does seem a coincidence and it's not the first time as well. What do you think?

[DN]

I repeat - why is she telling you all this stuff??

[Cecelius]

Frankly, if your g/f can't shut this BS down, then at this point, I would be having a problem with your g/f. I don't care if a dude has been her friend since birth, if he's crossing the line then she simply shuts it down.

[randy]

It could very well be a means of making you jellous . Sayin " o i have so many guys chasing after me " I'm such a disired person . I can have whoever I want and I'm with you so you better do everything you can to make me stay with you .

 

Or she might not know what do to ( which I highly doubth ) . It's not that hard to make it clear to someone that you're not interested in them on a romantic level . Usually that person would back off . But to have 3 - 4 guys after her EVEN after she said she's not interested sounds fishy to me .

 

Maybe she did not make it clear to them that she's not interested in them . . .

 

It's hard to tell thought . What has she tried so far to let these guys know that she's not interested anyways ?

[RayKay]

She's a big girl - my guess is she is not very clear and adamant with them about stopping it - she very likely likes the attention, and even more so is telling you to arise some jealousy, or embellishing even a bit.

 

YOU should stay out of it - don't call them up as honestly you don't REALLY know the whole deal. What you should tell her is she should either tell them to stop immediately, and if they don't, stop talking to them. Honestly if you got involved, I bet eventually she would resent you and call you controlling and possessive, or you would find out there was more to it then she told you.

 

It just sounds VERY odd to me that she says she told them no, and they are still pursuing her - she cannot have been very clear. As a female I have been pursued too, and telling them I am not interested is enough in itself. I mean personally if I am involved with someone and they said something like "they won't give up until I am married" I would be ticked off they had no respect for me or my relationship and tell them to get lost. And I have actually done something similar to a guy who liked me, and said soomething like "well, next time you are single..." I then very clearly said even if I was, I am not interested and limited conversation to almost null ever since.

 

SHE is a big girl and can stop this on her own - the question is does she really even want to?