If you're suffering way too much over a break up...

[Boricua7]

...this may be your problem.

 

I've heard mention of a new disorder called codependency disorder. It is the condition of or relating to a relationship in which one person is psychologically dependent in an unhealthy way on someone who is addicted to a drug or self-destructive behavior and/or psychologically dependent on approval due to dysfinctional family (overly rigid, dogmatic, or autocratic families as well as presense of physical and/or sexual abuse in the family).

 

Some symptoms include:

a) tendency to place the needs and wants of others first and to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own,

b) continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others,

c) anxiety and boundary distortions relating to intimacy and separation,

d) difficulty expressing feelings,

e) excessive worry how others may respond to one's feelings,

f) undue fear of being hurt and/or rejected by others,

g) self-esteem dependent on approval by others,

h) tendency to ignore own values and attempt to adhere to the values of others.

 

A lot of people on this message board seem to show signs of this disorder. Although it is not yet in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the manual is published by the American Psychiatric Association and covers all mental health disorders for both children and adults. It also lists known causes of these disorders, statistics in terms of gender, age at onset, and prognosis as well as some research concerning the optimal treatment approaches) it is advocated by many mental health care professionals because codependence carries with it all the trauma of a mental disorder--codependence seriously limits one's ability to live a satisfying and productive life. Since "codependency disorder" is presently not a recognized diagnosis, persons seeking treatment from the effects of codependence are often diagnosed with one of a number of associated conditions, including depression, anxiety, or dependent personality, among others.

 

Look at these sites for more information about the disorder and the DSM-IV:

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[Vern]

This is a great post. I think a lot of posters will get advice and answers here. After being in a difficult relationship for almost a year all my private research and the advice given by my support system pointed me in the same direction.

 

On the the one side I still love and is sad about the relationship (I miss her so much). But on the other side it is quite a relieve that I do not have the intense stress of "what will happen next". And I know now there is not much I can do to "rescue" her. The focus should be on the self first to heal and then to reach-out to the dysfunctional person (if you dare!!).

 

I never thought I would get over this person, but now after a couple of weeks the picture of me being healthy on my own is getting clearer.

 

I hope that everybody here will click by and read your thread.

 

Vern

[Boricua7]

Thank you so much, Vern! I really appreciate that someone appreciates my thread. I really hope that this helps people because I do think that a lot of the time people get so involved with how much they love someone that they lose their sense of self. I'm glad to hear that you're doing so well! Keep it up dude!

[proditor]

thank you so much, that is really helpful to know and look out for, though some of the symptoms could be general teenage behavior

 

if someone actually has codependency disorder, though, are there any pieces of advice or given, like "what to do if you think you have this" suggestions? just a bit of information that would go well with your post, and it would be helpful to a bunch of people here

 

sara

[Boricua7]

Thanks for the input, proditor!

 

I guess the obvious answer for thinking you may have ANY kind of disorder is to meet with a psychologist or psychiatrist.

 

You're right, a lot of these sypmtoms could be seen as part of adolescence. Please refer to the links that are in the original post because one of them addresses that.

 

Hope this helps!

[david_n]

Thank you so much Boricua7 for this info! It really has given me a place from where I can start to look for answers to some of the problems in my life.

 

Thanks again

 

Dave