I'm still so cross and lonely after 4months

[salmonhead_uk]

Hey all.

So it's been 4 months so the horrid ex broke it off with me. I haven't met him since the week after it happened and he said so many horrid things I haven't bothered again. Saw him driving his car yesterday and it felt like I'd been hit in the stomach.

I wish I could let it go like he has. I dont miss him really. I dont think so anyway. I just feel so cross for all the stupid things I went through and how cross he's made me - and that he can walk away fine and happy and I'm full of SO much anger and I don't want to be. It's not like everyday I feel this way but just now and again I'm cross or lonely and then it goes away.

I just think after 4months I shouldn't care. I wish that I could just not care, or that I could have been mates with him so that it didn't become this big deal that it will be if we bump into each other anywhere. I hate that he was allowed to share 2 years of my life and that he could end them so horridly and I just dont know when I will stop looking back over my shoulder at the past.

I feel like no-one will ever make me feel comfortable or happy again (not that he made me happy, I tried so hard to make him happy that it wouldn't have worked for much longer either). I can't imagine what the 'new' guys face will be like, will he take care of me, or will he ruin me again, will I start to dislike him toward the end of the second year as I have before...where will he be? I've been going out and socialising and I had that thing with an ex from years ago (that actually made me feel worse) but i really don't see how I will meet anyone on a drunken evening out. I'm so sick of this worrying. Of feeling like I have no-one to socialise with. I'm supposed to go out tonight and go drinking and dancing but I dont think drink is good with this mood, and im sick of going to the same pubs wondering if I'll see the same people (namely the ex) and going home alone. Does that sound silly? I want someone I can sit and chat to in a pub garden somewhere and just think about the world and sit there supping on orange juice and lemonade. Companionship. I've never been the type to go out clomping the streets hunting for men, and that's what it feels like in this single world. I truly hate it.

I hate being in this bad mood.

Sorry.

[LadyV]

Hi salmonhead

I know how you're feeling. My ex walked away 3 months ago & it's not easy as we were together for 4 years with a break of 14 months & then we were together another 3 months. Although i'm alot better than i was, i still have lots of down-days. However, i would still do anything for him to come back & that makes it harder because i know feelings are still there on his part & he seems to be blocking them & i don't understand why.

Whilst i've been out, spent lots of time with friends & family & done new things since he left, I like u, would much rather spend my time in a pub garden, having a good chat (do you live near leeds?).

You're lucky though, you're angry with him & i haven't hit angry-mode yet & know i need to do that to move on. Try to keep smiling because it will get better/easier.

[Bobby101]

Yeah i also feel like you guys.

 

Going out every weekend seems to be a UK thing. All your mates are doing it and although you dont feel up to it you go anyway. Why ? because 1. You dont want to be on your own and 2. In the back of your mind your thinking that you may find someone new.

 

Then going home alone can be disappointing. When im not in the right mind alcohol makes me feel worse !

 

Try and go out to other places if you can. Expand your social horizons !

 

Convince friends to try something/somewhere new.

 

I also find the single game difficult to play. We just got to try and get on with it. I too miss companionship.

[salmonhead_uk]

Cheers guys! unfortunately im in Southampton so bit of a way to go for an OJ - but nevermind!

Well, thank god i didn't go out in the end. I knew something would have happened. When I woke up I got a text from my best mate to say she saw J yesterday night. they had a conversation -

she said "hi i go to uni with your ex"

he said "oh right hi"

he said "how is she doing"

she said "she was pretty cut up at first but she's really happy now"

he said "oh good, im glad"

She said "you are a fool she is so lovely"

he said "well thats your opinion you don't know our relationship"

She said "I don't want to know"

he said "she cheated on me you know" (2 years ago after a week of dating him I said 'goodbye' to my ex...my bad paid for it ever since)

she said "yeah and you cheated on her just before you broke up with her" he said "i never cheated"

she said "whatever"

he said "whatever"

it seems that it is impossible to get through this stuff. The moment she related the conversation I felt bad. I wanted to call him, i wanted to ignore him. I hate that he is holding on to the 2 years ago mistakes - if he was that bothered why not dump me then - it's an excuse so he doesn't seem so bad for sleeping with that girl the night before we broke up.

I wanted to know what he looked like - i can imagine the scenario - apparently he's got a skinhead again and looks like hell. I keep imagining how it would have been if id been there - thank god i wasnt it would have been more painful than this second hand information.

I'm such a mess aren't i? why can't i just get on with things? i mean obviously day to day I am and i am happier than when i was with him cos he was so into drugs and hanging with the lads all the time and i denied all there was of my personality to just follow along like a puppy. But still i feel hurt and pathetic. I hate that i wasn't there showing him what a good time i am having - but thats the point whenever i go out im not having a good time im just wondering if hes there. How did i get so mixed up. This guy is not worth me. He didnt offer support over my depression, he didn't show me new things and new people and new ideas that have broadened my horizons - infact he narrowed them.

And yet STILL this pain. This sickness in my stomach when i hear about him, i wish i could up sticks and get away from anywhere that has anything to do with him. I can't believe it's all hurt me so bad. Knocked my confidence in me so hard.

And what is there to be jealous of - he went out for a night with the same old ppl he's known since he was 4, he stood around in a circle - not pulling or talking to others (that might be scarey), he was prob on drugs, one of the guys there is off to prison soon, what have a really got to feel bad about?

That he rejected me. That I loved him enough for the both of us and didn't want to be alone. that he is so unreasonable that he can't just leave it (although i guess it's my friends fault for attacking him). I will find no resolution with him, that's what i realise. There is no way he can make me feel better about who i am- he didn't when i was with him and hes not a part of now for me - he's my past. So why won't i leave it there. I've always been such a coward about facing up to things i failed at. And this is one of them. Not that i failed him but that i failed myself but letting myself get walked on, being told i was prejudiced cos i didn't like drugs, eventually taking drugs to try and make him want to be with me...i just ruined the last 2 years. So why can't i make a conscious effort to move forward. It's been 4 months. That's nearly a quarter of the time we were together. Will i get better? Will it require meeting someone new? Can't i just sort myself out? What if I ruin uni because he is joining there this year? If it makes me cry hearing he talked to my friend how will i face going into uni and seeing him around? Possibly talking to him - which he'll want to do because he likes to think that everyone likes him. Will i be shaking in my boots - will i have the strength to not resort to the 'What did i do wrong' and tears......

i have NEVER EVER been this messed up about another human being in my life and im so cross at myself for not being an adult and just letting it lay to rest where it belongs.

[salmonhead_uk]

Just read other posts and realised that although I never did the psycho-ex thing to him (well after the first 2 weeks) i still feel like iv lost all dignity. That someone knows you want them and they can have the dislike for you to not want you back after 2 years inyour life - what does that say about you? You can't be worth much. I wish i had the bottle to be a psycho-ex to feel I am allowed to be in his life, but i dont. Im to fearful to even try and talk to him - i cant take the pain it causes so quickly. why do i have to question my every move - can't i even find this positive. I tried for 2 weeks - sent him a letter - he said it was over - and i gave up. It hurt like hell but i gave up...so why do i feel like a loser? I had no social life when i was with him i just tagged around after him. I have a life with many friends now, i have my degree, i have sex appeal, i have my dance classes, im back on track with a family i used to avoid due to feeling i had to be with his, i have a job with friends i enjoy...im doing great. so why am i so desperate to show HIM that. It shouldn't matter. I don't want a good life just so if he ever finds out about me i seem like im great...i just want a great happy life. How do i let it go? there has to be some way...this is silly. im tired of it. tired of looking to others for love and support when im an only child and should depend on me like i always have done.

Im sorry guys, i really want to just click this rubbish away from my brain, do you think I'll be better when i get back at uni and have stuff to do?

[Echo]

Hey Salmon...

 

What I think you are asking for is "closure"...from HIM, and you are NEVER

going to get that. I'm going through something somewhat similar...

I realized after trying to make amends and I apologized profusely for my actions ..and him telling me he didnt want to hear from me....that it's up to ME to find closure.

Look deep inside yourself.....and close this door. He is never going to tell you what you want to hear.

I can relate believe me.

Good luck.

[michelemybell]

Hi Salmon,

The thing is you wont be able to click it away from your brain instantly. It's unrealistic to expect that. A healthier approach is to start getting back into your normal routine, even if your still carrying feelings for your ex. You might always carry a little something for him---but if you're able to function while doing so, then you're on the right path to "moving on".

 

I dont understand why some people (including myself) had relationships that were making us feel bad about ourselves, yet we miss it?? It sounds like your life is 100 percent better without this guy. He would've destroyed you. I know women like that and they wonder where their lives have gone and they end up wishing they did something better with their lives. I've seen women give up their whole lives for a bum like your ex and all they have are deep wrinkles and major depression, and nothing much else to show for it. Your ex might've been cute and sexy and made you feel good temporarily and all that, but do you really want to give up your whole life and happiness for someone who is going nowhere fast, doesn't care and probably wouldn't do the same thing for anybody else, including you?? Let someone else deal with him and try to fix him. Let them make it a mission of their life. You got more important things to do.

Take care,

Michele