Crazy call

[LadyV]

My ex walked away 3 months ago (doubted his feelings, wanted to be on his own & couldn't forget what'd happened in the past (i walked away after 4 years for pretty much the same reasons)) & until the other night, we hadn't spoken for a month. The conversation was generally good, there were a few tears in parts but i was ok.

 

He again said that the break-up wasn't personal & that it was situational/timing (he's alot going on, isn't coping very well & has said that he's hit rock-bottom) & when i asked if he'd questioned walking away, he said that he has but that he thinks he's made the right decision. He said that whilst i used to make everything ok, i don't/can't anymore. However, he also said that he misses me & when ready, will come looking for me.

 

I don't know what it all means. Do you think he just needs time/space? Am i kidding myself to have hope?

[venus777]

I would give up on him and move on. I know it's painful, but don't have any hope for it because in the end it is even more painful...

[MaxPayne19]

Shes right...its better to go on searching for someone else in your life, you dont want to waste too much of your life waiting on a shallow hope that he will come back.

[kellbell]

You walked out on him before, there is a pretty good chance you will again. I would say forget it and try to move on. Best of luck to you and take care.

[LadyV]

Thanks for your replies.

 

I know i should move on but at the moment i don't want to. It took me 14 months to realise the mistake i'd made in walking away the first time. When i had that wake up call, i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him & at the moment, that's not changing.

 

He was having alot of problems when he left & since then, things have got worse for him. I know there are feelings there & so long as i know that, whilst i can sit back, i can't walk away. I know he hasn't forgotten what happened the first time & maybe he thinks i'd do it again, so i guess i've got to show him that i meant what i said, i care & i'll be there if he needs me. I know it's not following your advice but i've got to be honest with myself.

[Hope75]

Why did he leave you instead of leaning on you for support?

 

What kind of problems?

[waiting]

In the same boat, even the 14 months bit....

 

You have to do what you feel is right for you. For me, I have decided i will wait as I cant walk away if there is still hope. She still doesnt know if she is going to come back. My situation is a bit worse maybe, as part of her process in working out if we are meant to be together is trying relationship with someone else... But as your ex seems to be, she is very confused and is deperatly seeking some direction in her life, and has to figure it all out on her own.

 

So i will leave her be to work it out. I dont know how long it will take her, or even if she will ever figure it out.

 

The trick is to not let it put your life on hold while they are deciding. Do stuff for yourself, work on yourself and try to enjoy a life on your own. It will make you stronger, happier and result in your being able to give a lot more back to the relationship should they ever come around.

 

If you want more than friends, you cant be a friend to them. You have to leave them alone.

[LadyV]

Hi

 

I don't know why he left & that's the hard part. I can only guess that like me, with everthing going on, he started to doubt his feelings for me.

 

The only time i've known him to be truly happy was when we first got together in 1999. The first year was great until he had to move away with work. He lived in a 1 bed flat in a town he didn't know, worked long hours & for 3 years, didn't get the chance to meet many people. We saw each other at weekends but he hated leaving. He bought a house close to work last year & whilst he's made good friends (much younger), he's had alot of probs with renovating, regrets buying, has been treated like a idiot by his bosses, & basically doesn't know where his life's going anymore. He's questioning his career, his friends - everything. He's close to the big 30, wants to figure it all out & says he needs to be on his own to do that. He's very down on himself, his self-esteem has crashed, says he hasn't got anything to give to anything/anyone, believes he's a cold/emotionless nobody & is finding things hard.

 

He knows i care but that's all i can do.