If she wants to go, why does she want me there?

[Demond34]

I've been battling thru mixed signals from my SO. My story is somewhere in the breakup section. But anyway, we got back together and she was still hot and cold. But I saw that she was distancing herself from me. JUst last week we went on vacation with her and her girlfriends, yeah i was the only guy. She invited me and I said I wouldn't care if you wanted to go with them, but she insisted I come.

 

We had a good time, but her emotions and words are all over the map, which frustrates the hell out of me. One day she says things about being together and then the next, its about her moving 500 miles away. Plus the fact shes not touchy feely like she used to be. Well the last day we were at the beach, it was my birthday, she gave me a nice gift, but it just seemed like her friends were more excited for me then her on my bday. On the way home, 4 hr drive we chit chatted and i said did you enjoy our last vacation together? Her reply" Yeah i enjoyed our vacation together. I know whats coming, that she is going to move. I wanted to discuss it with her on the car ride home, but she didnt want to ruin a good day, b/c that talk upsets her. So I just left it alone.

 

She dropped me off, said she loved me, we hugged, then i left. Next day, she calls at like 10:30pm, talk for a few mins and get off. Friday I stop in at her work, (something she always used to do to me), I ask how her day is going, give her a kiss and leave. She says she'll call me after work and maybe we'll go for a run. Well i end up calling her, cuz it was like an hour after she had gotten out of work. I asked her if she still wanted to go for a run and she was like no and just plain miserable. I was like ok, cuz i knew the next day she had to work 12 hours. I said well why dont you come over tom. nite after your long day and i will cook you dinner, get a bottle of wine and we can eat out by the pool. Just a little token of my appreciation for the weekend down at the beach.

 

She's like no thanks, i dont wanna eat that late and i'm gonna be tired and blah, blah, blah. Its almost as if she was yelling. I asked what her problem was. Shes like nothing, I just want to go and get off the phone and go to sleep. Then she said about how she doesn't want to lead me on b/c she really wants to move(Ive mentioned that b4 to her) She said she'd talk to me tom. This is when I raised my and voice and said its whenever you want to talk to me, its whenever you wanna see me and its whenever you need me. I said yeah you really love me and got off the phone.

 

I know i was wrong in that, but its like whats the use, If i give her space, its too much, if i try, i'm too close. I can't win with this girl. I was planning on doing NC from there on, saturday went by, no contact. Then SUnday she called twice and i didnt answer. Now today she called me this morning.

 

I didnt get her voice mail from last nite until today, plus the one today. So i called back and she asked if I forgot about her doctors appt. I said no I knew you had it. Shes like why do you think i was calling, cuz i wanted to talk to you and i wanted you to come with me, to my drs appt. I said oh sorry, i didnt get your calls til now. Then she said she'll call me later. i had to get ready for work.

 

My question is, if she is moving away from me, why would she want me to come with her to her drs appt and other stuff that has happened in the last month, seeing her sister in the hospital with her newborn twins, shore, etc. ?

 

I just dont get it, If you dont want to be with someone, isn't supposed to mean just that?

[TiredMan]

Wow sounds tough. She sounds like she loves you but is very conflicted. Do you know if she talks with her friends about your relationship? It seems hot and cold like you said. I don't know how your relationship always was but how about an honest day where you just talk openly without holding anything back?

 

As sad this sounds, I wish I had the chance you do, know what i mean?

[Demond34]

Everytime I do try and have a serious talk, she doesn't want too, it upsets her too much. She tries to avoid it all costs. So I Stopped bringing crap up.

 

About her friends, when i was down at the shore. Me and her friend walked to the bathroom together and we were talking and ended up getting into my relationship. Her friend said she feels bad for me, b/c she sees whats going on, all the mixed signals and saying that my g/f is doing all the things she used to get mad at you for. I was like oh my god, I did not expect that coming from her best friend. It felt good to hear that, atleast maybe her friends can drop that on her, but I won't hold my breath.

 

I don't think I'm in a better situation than you, b/c I'm pretty much sure its over. I think I need to let her go for both our sakes. Shes confusing me and shes just plain confused. Its almost a sure thing she is going to move, so why shouldn't I just cut my losses now?

[TiredMan]

From my situation, I can only say exhaust ALL other options before ending it. My situation is so bad that I don't want anyone to have to do through it. I know it's easy to cut losses but once it's done and she moves, you don't want to have a ton of regret so I would just exhaust every possibility if I could.

 

I think I have like 20 simultaneous posts going right now about my situation. It's hard to get responses lol.

[Demond34]

Hahaha, I know what you mean. Just keep posting anyway, it helps!

[rnorth]

My recommendation? Tell her that you know she has a lot on her mind right now, so perhaps when you are both together you should both just enjoy the moment, not worry about the future and just talk when the time is right.

 

If your moments are limited, make the most of them now...

[Demond34]

I definitely hear ya on making the most of the moments for right now and thats what I've been doing. But its hard b/c at the same time, I don't want to get my hopes up or just set myself up for another heartache.

 

I try and have a good time and keep repeating to myself, it is what it is.

 

Thanks for the advice.