kainashi Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 i need some help, it probably sucks, i'm not big on poetry... here goes... Things I Love About You By John Your smile, So bright, it dazzles the sun Your eyes, So beautiful, even Aphrodite gets jealous Your hair, Floats like vapor in the wind Your voice, Like a stream that flows into my heart Your hands, So tender, whose caress I miss Your arms, I miss having them around my neck, holding me close to you Your sense of humor, … Most of all, I love everything you are no flames please, just some constructive criticism and stuff. Link to comment
Merry Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 This isn't bad at all--it might be considered a tad sappy from the poetry world, but I know I would love someone to send something like that to me. I like writing poetry, so I'll help you out wiht that line. What's your gf's sense of humor like? Is she always cracking jokes, making you smile? Or is she nonchalant and sarcastic? Link to comment
Heretic Posted June 27, 2003 Share Posted June 27, 2003 Yeah, sappy can be good... mine tend to get pretty emotional but nothing so... well... direct let's say. It's hard for a girl to appreciate a poem about her when she doesn't understand it. So your direct references are a good thing... unless she's a big poetry buff. Then you might want to allude more and tell less. Hope this helps. Link to comment
kainashi Posted June 27, 2003 Author Share Posted June 27, 2003 merry: she always makes me smile. Link to comment
Merry Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 then how about something like: When I see you, it just brightens up my day Everytime I think of you I can't help but smile You've brought the sun into my life again Or something like that? I know it doens't exactly go along with the rest of your poem, but I'm sure you could find a way to incorporte it in. Good luck! Link to comment
kainashi Posted June 28, 2003 Author Share Posted June 28, 2003 i finished it. at first she didn't believe i wrote it because she said it was better than the stuff she has been writing for years. heh. Link to comment
Merry Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 go you! Sounds like she was majorly impressed. Glad she liked it. Link to comment
kainashi Posted June 28, 2003 Author Share Posted June 28, 2003 i hope we get back together before the summer is over. preferably around august 11th, which would've been our two year anniversary... Link to comment
Merry Posted June 28, 2003 Share Posted June 28, 2003 Hope everything works out, dude. It'd be awesome if you guys hooked up again on your anniversary. Link to comment
kainashi Posted June 28, 2003 Author Share Posted June 28, 2003 yeah, that truly would be awesome. Link to comment
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