My friend returns to his ex girlfriend,now we can't hang out

[axele]

Ill try to make this short. I really need opinions, and advice, motivation.. everything. I was dating this guy I have known forever. We didn't work out, but remained awesome friends. In fact our relationship got stronger after we broke up. We would hang out every week, playing tennis, watching movies, helping me with homework. Out of the blue he bumps into another exgirlfriend. The split because they always faught, and she was abusive. Now they want to try to work things out. It's been about 2 years I suppose since they were together, and they claim they have changed. Problem is, she still can't accept him being friends with an ex, so he has to drop me. He says he can't come over anymore, we probably can't even play tennis together. We can talk on the phone, and if I need math help he can help me online. That doesn't sound fair and it hurts. I have been crying all night, and whenever I am alone. This guy is like my best friend and he is throwing me to the side for this chic. Why am I the one who loses out? I never treated him bad, and yet, he won't think twice how wrong this is. He says it upsets him to, but he loves her and thinks he is meant to be with her,... even if she didn't treat him right. What do I do?

[DN]

It's very hard for you and I sympathise. But the hard fact is that, for most people, a romantic partner takes precedence over a friend. In your case, they are trying to put back together a failed relationship so it is not surprising that his g/f is nervous about his friendship with you and that he is willing to give you up to prove to her that she has no cause for concern.

 

It may well be that her reasoning is that if he can get back together with one ex-girlfriend (herself) he could at some point want to get back with another ex-girlfriend (you). And that it is more likely to happen if he remains friend with you.

 

Whatever her motive, he has accepted it and has decided to accede to her wish. I am afraid your only choice is to accept it and move on.

[stolenshadow]

Hello, I think things weren't how they seemed, he was a great friend and then can't be anymore?, it wouldn't make sense, he's just not a good person, yes he did change but for the worse.

You were there for him and the best he offers is "help in maths and phone calls", friendship is not a transaction, the person is either there or not, with no conditions, and I think you'll be better off without him, he's not somebody worth keeping.

It's sad the guy was so disappointing, but, you will be okay.

[axele]

yeah, this is true.. he can talk to me on the phone... see how I am doing here and there, and he can help me with my homework online.... I am not the one who moved away, she is. Why am I forced to pretend I don't exist.

[stolenshadow]

You are not forced to pretend to not exist, he wants to pretend he's a good friend. You exist, that's why the girl wants you "out", but I'm sure you know you are a great person who deserves respect, if a friend cannot be fair to you then you can do without him.