What, no sex??

[lifeiscash]

I just want to know what reasons there could be if a woman chooses not to have sex with a man in a relationship but does other stuff instead. In other words, she will mess around and do everything but sex even though she has had sex before with her past boyfriends. I know a particular girl who has had sex with two partners in her past but will not give it to her former boyfriend (she is one of my good friends, we are pretty close), but she even says sometimes she doesn't feel "comfortable" to mess around at times either.. why is that.. you think something about her past?

[Caldus]

Probably not into him that much is all I can come up with.

[RayKay]

Could be various things or a mix of things:

 

1) Negative experiences - abuse, assault.

 

2) Fear of pregnancy

 

3) Fear of STI transmission - either from partner, or she may have something.

 

4) Lack of confidence or security

 

5) religious reasons - "born again"

 

6) Feeling like sex "changes everything" in a negative way.

 

7) Manipulation - I know of some women who withheld even after they have been active before in order to get a ring...

 

8 ) Lack of feeling intimate with partner to expose themselves/share themselves that way. Or just not into him sexually.

 

Who knows, only she does if anyone does. It's her right to not have sex if she does not want it, though it does seem odd if she has before, and will do "everything but"....have you ever asked her?

[lifeiscash]

I didn't really want to invade her privacy like that. I was really curious about the situation because it seems rather distant to me. I think that your numbers 1, 4, and 6 are the best reasons that I can come up with on your list. I thought about talking about it more in depth with her but I don't know if I would do more harm than good. What do you think?

[SexySadie7]

well.. it's up to her whether she has actual sex or not.. Maybe she feels the guy she's with now is a player and she's scared of catching something from him.

Or maybe she just doesn't feel that secure with the guy she's with yet to have regular sex and she's just protecting herself... well.. geez.. having intercourse is a sure fire way to get pregnant..

Maybe he's not that serious about her.. and she wants to be sure she doesn't end up in a bad situation.. did you ever think of that?

she's right.. having intercourse does change the whole dynamics of a relationship... It's just the way God made us I guess.

Anyway.. if she's just your "good friend" i'm not really sure why you would concern yourself about it. Why would you care anyway if you are just friends?

[fireflies]

It could be fear of pregnancy. If there's any doubt or hestiation about the guy or what she wants, the idea of becoming pregnant at the wrong time with the wrong guy is plenty reason to not go "all the way."

[Caldus]

If it was fear of pregnancy, wouldn't she be scared to have sex with anyone?

[fireflies]

Fear of pregnancy can come from a recent "scare." She may not have been scared in the past, but a false alarm is enough to make some women afraid especially if they have a lot to lose (career, education, financial independence) at that time.

[RayKay]

If it was fear of pregnancy, wouldn't she be scared to have sex with anyone?

 

Not necessarily. Sometimes "pregnancy scares" or someone you know getting pregnant, or just maturity can bring the realization more into play. There are times in my life I have been more fearful of getting pregnant then others. If I am with someone I can't imagine wanting to be with forever, that fear tends to be higher. If I am with someone I do have a commitment with and a healthy relationship, it is less so....I know that if something were to occur we would both be responsible and be able to adapt.

 

I doubt many of these 13 and 14 year olds realize how much pregnancy is a "threat" to their lives at that point they are active, or how it can happen even with precautions. Sometimes wake up calls make us think differently.

[Binary]

Dun Dun Dun.....

 

 

 

Talk to her about it?

 

If you dont feel comfortable about talking about sex with her, and any problems she has with it, then you shouldent be ready to have sex with her in the first place.

 

If you are so uncomfortable about talking about any issues she has with sex that you have to ask for advice on an internet forum, instead of just asking her directly, your problem is lying out infront of you.

[KellyWyndham]

I reckon she thinks sex might change things and doesn't want to give it away until she trusts the guy completely and feels completely ready. Sex is much more intrusive for a woman, most women don't think sex is as casual as men do.

[OceanEyes]

When I read this, the answer seemed very simple to me, but Caldus already stated it:

 

Probably not into him that much is all I can come up with.

 

Absolutely! I've dated guys who I liked messing around with, but I just didn't like them in that way. There has to be a little 'something more' to the guy, and the relationship, for me to want to have sex with him.

 

It could be that she's just not that attracted to him. She doesn't need to explain the 'why nots'. She refuses it because she can.

[Caldus]

When I read this, the answer seemed very simple to me, but Caldus already stated it:

 

Probably not into him that much is all I can come up with.

 

Absolutely! I've dated guys who I liked messing around with, but I just didn't like them in that way. There has to be a little 'something more' to the guy, and the relationship, for me to want to have sex with him.

 

It could be that she's just not that attracted to him. She doesn't need to explain the 'why nots'. She refuses it because she can.

 

So then in other words, she's afraid of backing out of the relationship b/c of her lack of attraction or just afraid to bring that topic up.

[OceanEyes]

So then in other words, she's afraid of backing out of the relationship b/c of her lack of attraction or just afraid to bring that topic up.

 

Who knows? It's tough to pinpoint the exact reason when you don't actually know the people involved, or their specific circumstances.

 

It could be that she's just happy with his company, and hopes that it will evolve into something more. Or, it could be that she doesn't want to put out because she's afraid of how much it will change the dynamic of the relationship. Intercourse does dramatically change any relationship. How can it not? You've now had another person inside of you, or been inside of another person.

 

It just sounds like she actually likes the way things are going, and doesn't want them to change just yet. If she wasn't comfortable in the position she was in, she wouldn't be casual about it. Right now, she is.

[Caldus]

Cool, I didn't know you could go completely inside someone.

 

Kidding kidding ... I'm in a silly mood.

[OceanEyes]

Silly is good around here.

[SexySadie7]

Well.. caldus.. parts of you are inside another person........

Rotflol.. silly IS good.

[Caldus]

Well.. caldus.. parts of you are inside another person........

Rotflol.. silly IS good.

 

Of course of course. I was just jokin' about how people say you completely go inside someone. Sounds like the Matrix when Neo goes into Agent Smith and blows him to pieces.

 

OK OK, resume thread.