stuck in limbo land

[ron13]

i'll keep this brief. dated for one year - best ever - about nine months since i broke up with her over stupid reasons (where to live/move) - first few months, she tried hard to get me back, that stopped, then for the last four months, roles are reversed and i have been trying to get her back. in that time, she moved back home near her family with some possibility of her returning, i have expressed my feelings to her better than ever (flowers, letters, cards, etc) while still giving her plenty of space, and she has said that no doors are closed but she isn't ready for anything, including really talking about anything anymore, and enjoying being single and going out with her friends.

 

we are still really good friends and talk nearly every day on the phone. she calls me at least 2-3 times a week late at night after partying with her friends. i went to see her a couple weeks ago, and we had a good time, although nothing happened and she didn't want to talk about anything. i'm okay giving her space and time - but i have also asked her to tell me if she doesn't see us getting back together or if she doesn't want to or if there is someone else or whatever the reason is - just tell me so i can move on. i have seen some other girls, but no one compares to her yet. she really won't open up to me still.

 

my question is why does she not simply tell me it's not going to happen - her actions and attitude show me this, and i have asked her more than once to not worry about hurting my feelings and just tell me, but she hasn't. is she really still unsure? i know and am trying to just move on without much hope, but that would be a little easier if she would just say it's done. she knows the ball is in her court and i have done everything i can to win her back and fix the error i made by breaking up with her - it has been four months of me trying so i'll let it go - just wondering what is going on in her mind/heart.

 

thanks

[hardcharger]

unfortunately, it's simply human nature. For sure there are probably things that she doesn't really favor about you, but she is afraid or does not want to discuss them with you. she just doesn't want to deal with it, and she is getting what she really wants, life without you, without getting in to the raw and possibly ugly details. It might be for the best, we just don't all fit with each other and maybe she sees things in the relationship that you don't see.

[heloladies21]

Telling someone that you aren't interested enough in them to get back together is something that she'll never do. It's too hard to hurt someone's feelings like that, even if they're asking for it. Also, she doesn't want to close any doors so she'll never say never just in case she changes her mind. Letting go is a decision you're going to have to make on your own, she can't make it for you. Next step for you is to go No Contact so you can heal up for real and leave your heart open for someone who's interested and deserving.

[Satin]

Ron....I wish I could give you the answer you're seeking...as to why she won;t give you a clean break up. I am dealing with this from someone as well. I blatantly asked him to tell me to go away...or leave him alone...or just basically that it is over for good. He just says it's "bad timing".

So really all you can do is accept things for what they are. She is making it clear that she has no intentions of moving forward with you right now...so maybe by not contacting her....it would be best. For now.

She can't have it both ways. You on a string...AND having her single party life.

I have started slowly fading from his life....even though it's hard for me.

I send him an email about once a week....as a reminder that I am still around...but also not so much that he gets sick of me. Maybe that's the best approach. I agree doing NC IF you are hurting...but if you can still live your life fully and completely while maintaining some contact with her ..then by all means do it. Don't sit around pining or waiting for her.

Also....one other thing I have been doing .....that works for ME, and keeps me sane is that when I DO contact him, usually by email...I never expect a reply or response. I just say hello...or send him something that make him laugh. This is so he does not feel pressured to give back right now..but at the same time, he still feels my presense. I DO think this is a strong tactic, in the long run..because when you DO go full NC..then they will miss your presense even more.

Just MY opinion.

[ron13]

thanks for the input - it's nice to get others' perspectives on a situation i have analyzed 1000 times. i expect nothing from her at this point and am moving on and living my life. she knows where i am if she ever changes her mind, but i'm not sitting around and waiting for that. for now, some limited contact is okay by me and i know i can handle it.

 

here's to everyone on this board in search of happiness - we'll all find it eventually.