LOVE "REHAB"....

[Satin]

I was thinking today about how "addicts"..of say drugs or alcohol can go into these treatment facilities for however long it takes to get these substances out of their body, or at least get them well enough to be released with new hope of recovery. I was wondering why there isn't something similar to people with love "addictions". We suffer....we go through withdrawals that truthfully hurt so bad I WISH I were on drugs. Alcoholics go to AA....they follow the 12 steps, that HOPEFULLY lead them to recovery. One thing that alcoholics do is a 90 in 90. That means they attend 90 meetings in 90 days...faithfully. That is to insure that they will, most likely continue making recovery their #1 priority. Most peope know if you can stick to ANYTHING for 90 days, that you are doing pretty damn good.

I am convinced that a "retreat" of some sort like this WOULD in fact be helpful to some people...especially people with VERY low self esteem..or will power. A place that would give educational courses on relationships, counseling....and of course..have NO access to phones or computers during this time. In short ...almost like a relationship "rehab" of sorts.

I KNOW if this sort of place existed, it would most likely do well....and I would probably go myself!!!.

Thoughts?

[broken79]

i feel like attending now

[Xodus]

For one I would have to agree I would be there myself right now! Unfortently I also have to look at it from the point of view that usually when someone goes through a bad seperation of sorts they tend to cling on the closest of the oposite sex they can find, well atleast that has been my experince. So think of it this way, you have say 20 people in a group, 10 male, 10 female, all heart broken looking for away to make the pain stop. It is deffently a good idea to a point but it would be soemthing a reality show could be based on. Sorry if i sound rude. I do appologize.

[Bounder]

Doesnt mean it wouldnt be fun....

[Xodus]

lol agreed

[Satin]

Well I posed this question because think about it.....how many poeple REALLY know what it takes to make a relationship WORK? Just look at the divorce rate! I know there is marriage counseling, and other types of counseling...but I am talking about a place for say...people who have such a hard time staying away, or getting over someone they have a restraining order put on them? Yes, jail will keep them away..but it will NOT teach them about what they are doing wrong and helping them work on THEMSELVES. NO...usually it ends up in violence and even death.

Domestic violence is a serious serious issue...but it a whole other issue in itself.

A place like the one I mentioned, in my mind would BE like a hospital

of sorts....but a warmer, friendlier one. There would be a wing for men, and a wing for women....and counselors , psychologists, on staff for whatever the need was. There would also be educators and mandatory classes, that all would need to attend in order to be "released".

I know what I am describing sounds very anal..and mean, but when you think of the destruction people do to themselves in an effort to salvage their sanity....the endless phone calls, the craziness. What's better or worse?

Having someone tell you...."Get over it" Or, you can do SO much better than him, or her." Blah blah blah...let's face it...THAT is NOT helpful for someone who feels like they just had their guts ripped out. Some peole don't eat for days...some poeple don;t get out of bed..and some people kill themselves...when in fact IF they had a place to go in these crisis...many people could be helped and healed in amuch more meaningful way. Not only that...but it is a way many people can SURVIVE.

[

[Bounder]

I agree, thought maybe not to the same degree. The goal of this place sems to be the same as the same cliches the firends tell us, we can do better, be happy with ourselves etc., but with a much more empathetic approach....often it may not be the person themself who is damaging us, but something deeper that we havent figured out and thi splace would be a great way to find that. Like a Patch Adams for dumpees.

[Xodus]

Just taking a stab in the dark here, but I am sorry if the kind of domestic behavior you have had to go through.

 

A place like the one I mentioned, in my mind would BE like a hospital of sorts....but a warmer, friendlier one.

 

Sorry here agian, a bird is a bird no matter the colors of its wings. People that would be willing to be "locked up" for the fact they feel like they can not get over someone that they trully love, well that would just be strange lol. I could understand like some sort of get away, cant remember name of the movie but beleave it was sandra bullock or how every you spell her name, the place they went for drugs and alchol would be something I could understand to some extent. Agian though to be locked up and based on someone elses idea of you getting over the person you loved is what is able to get you out of there well...

There would also be educators and mandatory classes, that all would need to attend in order to be "released".

 

Ok now on the rest of what you are saying I do understand, think the concept is a great idea guess just diffrent ways of seeing it and diffrent ways of doing it. I still have to go back to the fact of has this kind of domestic viloence accurd to you personally or maybee friend or family. And also are you thinking about the person hurting or the person you thing they might hurt?

 

Not only that...but it is a way many people can SURVIVE.

[Satin]

I think you are misunderstanding me....

The "facility" in which I am talking about WOULD be a "treatment" type of facility in which one would voluntarily check into...for however long they felt they needed it. I am not in a violent situation I awas merely using that as an example ...to explain.

I also understand that you dont get the concept about someone needing to be in an isolated environment in order to gain control of themselves...but if you read these forums, you WILL in fact see proof of many many people who have HARD time with staying away from, going back to, chasing, harassing, and basically ruining their lives because they are in turmoil over a relationship. Bad relationships CAN and DO in fact make you physically ill. They cause ulcers, imsomnia, stress, and the list goes on.That does not even include the OTHER costs...including money, and possessions. Many people do NOT know how to break the cycle of these types of relationships. Educating themselves, and bettering themselves makes them more aware of what they need and want...BUT they cannot SEE that if they are ALWAYS in the WRONG relationship.

[Xodus]

lol hope you are not getting mad at me I just like looking at both sides of things. Beleave it or not I do know how it feels to keep wanting to try and be with someone even though it is pritty much through with. I know how it is to sleep at the front door hopeing nothing else in your life walks out on you. I know how it is to sit up to 4 a.m. holding the phone hopeing the person you love will call you and crying myself to sleep and waking up at 7a.m. to go to school and deal with all this pain and come home and feel it agian. Agian I am sorry if i did offend you I just like saying both sides. Check out my post might understand more of where I am comeing from. link removed

[Gilgamesh]

I have to smile at this post, its like someone read my thoughts two years ago and placed them here in this post.

 

when i was going through my troubled time, I often wished for such a place I could go, "heartbreak hospital" of sorts. I also thought man if someone could invent a pill to forgive, and forget your ex, that would make a fortune,

 

I just recently saw the movie "What the Bleep", which I highly recommend renting and watching a few times. or buy it like i did.

 

Anyway, in it are some explainations on how any emotion can become addictive good or bad, you can become addicted the same way as if it were heroin.

 

and the fastest way to remove an addiction is to remove the stimulous.

 

But like any other addict, they have to "want" to break their addiction, in the case of "Stalkers" for example, they dont want to give up their "drug" and dont see they have a problem.

 

In the case of the rest of us, we had are hearts broken and want to be cured and move on.

 

The best thing you can do is go cold turkey, no contact with the ex, no substituting one brand of drug with another by getting a quick fix in a rebound relationship. and most important, substitute the old missing happy feelings with other things that make you happy.

 

The more new exepriences you have the better, travel, learn a new skill, take on new hobbies, re-decorate your home, change you style, practice a sport you never played before. those old neural pathways not being used will shrink away, and eventually your not addicted anymore, and one day when you find that Old photo of you and your Ex, you dont have that flood of negative emotions because the links that anchored those feelings in your brain with that photo have long disappeared.