I need urgent help please

[Ladagun]

When I met my husband he told me he was partly impotent and in fact he had weak erections and that he is suffering of panick atacks. I found out only two weeks after we got married that he is masturbating using internet stimulents as images, cybersex, webcams. He is lying constantly to me, sweet lies that always turn into a cruel truth... he is doing that again and again. Sex with me, his wife, he had only once, months ago. I do know how my lines sound and I did find out that love is not only blind but stupid.

My question is: what can I do? Does is make sense to fight (with my husband) for our marriage?

[overcorrect]

Wow, this is a tough one. I'm not real sure how to respond to you. Perhaps a therapist could help out with what is going on. This problem has many implications and in fact it might be viewed by some as no problem at all. It all depends on his motivation and desires... you won't know what those are until you guys go and talk to someone. He needs to realize that in order for this marriage to work, he has to work on it so you both can understand what is going on. Perhaps someone out there will have been through a similar situation and help out here. I could speculate but I could be wrong. The only thing I can tell you is the fact that he probably does love you and he doesn't want to hurt you with what he views as shameful. Believe me, it's not so uncommon for someone with a sexual disfunction to go online for sexual gratification, the internet is packed full of sites that get thousands and thousands of hits each hour.

[distressed]

oddly enough I have done some reading and it sounds to me like your husband has an addiction to sex. Why wont he have sex with you? WEll, one can still be addicted and yet not have sex with there loved one. Seek the help of a counsellor immediatley, even if your husband won't. If at all, it will help you understand. Urge him to seek help either alone or with you. I wish you luck my friend.

[sisterlynch]

He needs to tell you why he married you in the first place. He is missing something in his life, try to find out what he is missing. The average rate for sex is three times per month. Ask him why is he more interested in looking at women he doesn't know than getting over his insecurities. Tell him to get off the computer when you go to bed, interrupt his computer sessions. Ask him to show you his websites and try to initiate while he is aroused. Watch him masturbate and let him know that you want to learn more about giving him pleasure. I made my husband watch Dr. Phil a few times and that helped a lot. Tell him he is cheating by continuing to use those websites rather than your own body!

[raveneye]

i can't speak for anyone else, but as a man addicted to internet porn, the reason why i can't talk about it is because of how embarrassed i am about it. this may or may not be why your husband is lying to you. read my other post for more about my experience(s).

 

also remember that pornographers want you to believe that there's nothing wrong with pornography, and that there's nothing wrong with people who look at pornography. i think this couldn't be farther from the truth.

[Ladagun]

Pornographers have found an extralarge market that's why there are so many sites, that's why things regarding sexuality were pushed so far to even exposing pictures of children, animals, or whatever... I think I am sad thinking that with each click of the mouse or with the simple typing of the address of a porno site you, me, everybody are encouraging such dark sides of human nature to just produce themselves. Quasi discreet for now, out in the open in a matter of time, I am sure.

 

You don't have to believe in God as they have told you to... a vengefull God who cruely punishes his children for what they've done wrong. But you can believe in light and turn your face towards it. You can believe in good, in the green of the grass, in the smile of a child... It is an awful inheritance the one we prepare for our children. We preserved all addictions from the past like alcoholism and smoking and taking drugs and added some more like this one, unspeakable dependence on fake images for gaining what? A painful orgasm. Orgasm with any costs. That is my conclusion of what men are looking for. If the price is one's own marriage or relationship ... well, then too bad, or?

 

I do not know why my husband is doing it. Might be an addiction. Then what's the excuse for the lies? And I am tired. I, myself, as a woman, had a hard time cause of this dear old habit of his. First I thought it must be me, the physical me... I work too much, I look too tired, I gotta change the parfum I am wearing... then I had to face his daily lies and that just pushed me into deep depressions... then I was mad ... on him for doing that, on me for having believed all his promised, on God for showing me that life is not only about having a husband and kids and dogs... then I was planning to find myself a cyber lover but STOP! would I go that low?

 

Yes, I would enjoy so much feeling how it is like to be sexually wanted again... just one more time, that would be the proof that nothing wrong with me...

This is not what I hoped for when we got married, this is not what he promised.

 

It is tragic that he, a man with such a keep intelligence and such a fine intellect does what monkeys kept in captivity do... we all have our choices.

 

Someone told me it is my fault. I am not ofensive enough to almost force him having sex with me, to give him hand jobs, blow jobs... please excuse everybody, it might work for a while but what's after that?

He might be missing something in his life and I am sorry I don't know what that is ... I know for sure, it is not me.

 

I still do love my husband, I love to watch him sleeping like an angel, and I ache knowing he killes this precious feeling in me with each move of the hand on his own penis that he makes.

[raveneye]

i'm sorry. it is hard. it's something that needs to be worked out on both sides though. and for the problem to go away, he needs to acknowledge it as a problem and accept it and want to work on it. otherwise there'll never be any change, it'll always be the same. i'll tell you this, though. it's not your fault. and don't let anyone ever try to make you believe that it is.

[alo111578]

I don't wat to sound like a therapist but youre problem is quite a serioius one. Just toi reiterate you saud that your husband is a porn maniac and he had sex with u for a month ago. He even masturbates in front of the pc viewing nude pics and other stuff.

 

this is a serious problem! Internet pornography is one of the biggest problems encountered by our society. In the case of your husband u must tell him gently that it is not healthy for him to to do those things. It destroys him and his relationship with u. Tell him that it distorts the idea of of having a good relationship. Divorce is not the solution to the problem here. If you have internet access in your home i think you better cut off the your connection or have pron filter on your computer. Call a expert on your this and install it in your computer. Dont tell your husband about it. If he cant log on to porn and he would ask just deny it that u didnt touch anything on the computer.

 

if this doesn't work and he still persist on seeing porn. U better go to church and pray for your husband. U cant change him, he cant change himself. Each time he goes to bed just put your hands on his head like carressing him but actually your praying for him that he will change. Believe that you might receive what u want. Pray to God.