What to eat?

[innbranna]

Hi, everyone.

 

I got sort of dumped a week ago and have been browsing this forum since then. It has helped me a lot to see that there are many of you feeling the same pain as I do, and I have to say that most cases I've read about are probably worse than mine, although I can't really feel that at the moment.

 

I expect at some point the pain will cease – it has before, and will do so again. What I'm very concerned about right now, though, is the eating thing. You know, you just have this hard, aching knot in your belly and it's impossible to eat. Nothing gets past your throat. I know from past experience that I'm well capable of going weeks on end like this, but I don't think that would be a good idea – mostly because I'm working as a spinning instructor some hours a week, and need to stay fit. I don't want to pass out during class, and I don't want to stop working out either, as I need the distraction and the endorphins badly. However I don't get an appetite from exercising.

 

Any of you been developing some functional strategies as to what it's possible for you to eat, and when? Right now I can only manage things that don't taste anything, have no nutrition value whatsoever and are easy to chew, like wheat buns, and only a bite or two at a time. On a good day something fresh, like some grapes or an orange. Drinking is equally impossible – only tiny mouthfuls at a time. Any ideas?

[Sli]

Bananas might stop you going even more bananas!....

 

Check out this link..

 

link removed

 

Take care

Sli

[studygirl]

innbranna - I am also a fitness instructor and when I first went through my breakup (wow, over a month ago now!) I couldn't eat. That was a big concern of mine since my days are so active. Smoothies and health shakes (not the low carb, I had the meal replacement ones) really helped me a lot. Also yogurt. I didn't force myself to eat anything huge, but I made sure that I would have something like a shake or yogurt to get some calories in me before a class. Make sure you stay really hydrated, too. Maybe just try sipping a smoothie throughout the day. It took me a good 2 weeks to get back to eating somewhat regularly again! Good luck to you...my thoughts are with you!

[chai714]

Studygirl has some good suggestions. I drank ensure for a few weeks myself. If you buy store brand though, it's even cheaper with the exact same nutritional value. Mix it up . . buy some chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. If you need more calories, try Ensure Plus . .it has 350 compared the regular, which has 250.

[Bounder]

I eat a lot of whole wheat pasta with tomato sauce, fairly balnd, or soy fruit beverages, you get protein and some good calories. I am glad to see I am not the only one concerned about this. I am skinny to begind with and losing weight would only serve to justfiy her claim that I wasnt "man" enough for her anyways. May she marry a pot-bellied mustard stained thug.

[RayKay]

When my late boyfriend passed away, I could not eat for a month. All I could handle was "Booster Juices" - basically a fruit & veggie smoothie of sorts which they add vitamins in and other things of your choice (protein powder), black tea and homemade chocolate chip cookies.

 

Stick to simple stuff, I find it easier to take in liquids then solid food at times like that, so just try to pick the best alternatives - fruit & protein shakes/smoothies etc.

[innbranna]

Thanks! It's very awkward not to want food, when you know you need it as much as ever! I bought a book about smoothies the other day, I just have to start using it... I've never tried the protein stuff before, but I guess this is the time when it really comes in handy...

 

I guess part of the problem is that when you can't bear the thought of eating, you never get around to making yourself anything. I'm pretty sure that if someone made me something and put it in front of me, I would eat at least some of it - but I can't find the inspiration to start making food when I'm not sure I will get it down.

 

Studygirl, I'm glad to hear you didn't kill yourself in the process!

Makes me worry a bit less, somehow.

 

Good luck to you all!

[innbranna]

RayKay, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how it must have been.

 

Actually, I came accross this site as I was looking for some info about the difference in grief process when someone dies, as opposed to when someone dumps you. People often say that the end of a relationship is just as hard as having someone you love, die. But I feel there must be differences.

 

I have a feeling that when your loved one dies, you a) immediately have to face the fact that they're not coming back, which is good b) can take some comfort in the fact that your love was real, and you can always remember the good times, and c) get a time out for mourning from society.

 

Whereas when someone dumps you, you can easily add a lot of confusion to your grief by hoping that they will come back, even if you know deep down they won't. Also, you suddenly have to question if there ever was any real feeling there at all. Did he ever care, or was it just in my mind? You suddenly find yourself having to completely erase the person from your life, not only the present and future, but also the past. And I think it's more difficult to go out there and tell people "I'm in mourning, please be gentle with me". Many people will try to tell you that you're better off without them. At least I feel that way, as we never had a "real" relationship, it was only me loving him and hoping for one, and him knowing it (although there was a short period of intimacy at one point). He never made any promises, and so I feel I'm not really entitled to my grief. I just have to go out there and pretend that nothing has happened.

 

Do any of you have opinions on this?

[RayKay]

innbranna,

 

I thought I would answer this, from having experiences with both

 

I think you are like many, who feel somehow that being dumped/breaking up is worse. In some ways it is, in others it isn't, in some ways there are similarities, in other ways they are radically different.

 

With dumpings/breakups....the hardest parts I think are dealing with the rejection, and trying to "redefine" the relationship with your ex. It is hard, as they are still out there, so you need to deal with them moving on, being with others, which is usually tough.

 

I have had some tough breakups, but I guess since they were never really "bad" people, never was told I was better off without them or anything like that. I have a supportive family, so even in breakups they were wonderful to me.

 

Well, with death, I do have to say while there is no rejection there is a lot of guilt. Guilt for not having said everything, guilt for not being there to change things or being there to help (I had urged my bf to go back to doctor, and he was going to, but he collapsed while I was not there, and I never say him awake again, he died in ICU five days later despite surgery and all). There is guilt for surviving when they did not, sadness that the world lost such a wonderful person, his family, friends, the people who never got to know him. Sadness over the fact he will never have a family, live to old age, experience all I have and will. Honestly, I would rather know he was alive and moved on to be with someone else. I am not sure we would of made it forever, but I was with him 5 years, he was a huge influence in my life, terribly important to me, and when he was gone, my future was undeniably changed. So was I.

 

Breakups and death are both similar in you go through the stages of grief - denial, anger, sadness, acceptance and so on...not always in order, not always exclusive to one another, sometimes taking a day, sometimes years. In either case, you ARE entitled to grieve, it is still a loss. No one can tell you how to act, or how to be...they can try and help but they are YOUR emotions to deal with. I had very little time out from society, and denial lasted me a while. People thought I was strong, brave - really I was dead and destroyed on the inside. Not only that, but one side of his family turned on me once it happened, rejected me in many ways which compounded it. The one difference for me is that sometimes an ex you can be friends with again, know them in some way, see their happiness, have your happiness....someone who dies is gone forever.

 

Not sure this really answered any questions or not. I just want you to know its okay to grieve, I have had a couple breakups since that death, and having gone through that helped me put things in perspective, however it was still painful, destructive on me.

 

All those experiences made me who I am today though, I wish my late bf was alive, but I am very fortunate to have him as an angel I believe, I am not religious, but I know he lives on in some form with me. It has made me a more empathetic, loving, caring person...who knows the important things in life, who became the person I am today, who fell deeply in love with my partner now, whom I truly believe is the one for me...and I know my late bf somehow had something to do with bringing him into my life, directly, and in some spiritual way

[innbranna]

Thanks. It does answer my question, I was wondering how the two experiences differ, as I see they are so often compared. I don't think one could say that one is easier than the other - when you're in the middle of it, your own crisis is always worse than everyone else's - and most of us don't get to live through both this early in life. But I had a feeling it was not quite fair to compare them, and I think you confirmed that for me.

 

I hadn't really thought about the guilt part. That must be pretty heavy.

 

Anyway, to pick up on the initial topic - I'm implementing your advice as best I can. Still nothing solid, but I try to keep something to drink nearby at all times. Helps me to drink more regularly, and not get so dizzy by the end of the day. Thanks to you all!

[RayKay]

Try some milkshakes or something too if you can as they have more substance in them then just juice (will have calcium, protein at least)...might go down okay. I find stuff I don't need to chew is always easier to handle at times like that.