do i have a right to be upset? i dont want to end this..

[Ava Adore]

so cody and i have been together for about 4 months now. very nice relationship. we have our fights but mostly its all good. within the first month, cody and i talked and i found out he was still caught up on his old girlfriend stephanie (she cheated on him, and moved to minnesota). I was a little hurt, but i got on with it because hes a nice guy and i could see myself being with him for a long time. The next month or so i was putting away his boxers and found pictures of her and old letters she'd sent him. while looking through his wallet (he was there and didnt mind) i found out the first picture in the holder was of her.

 

After a while, she stopped coming up in the back of my mind and cody and i began to say "i love you". I got to meet his parents (i guess im the first girl he's ever brought home) and they both love me to bits

 

But the other night i was over at cody's and stephanie called . and i guess she calls once every few weeks to "chat". She's knows about me and i guess told cody no wonder he was still up (because i was there).

 

The next day i was fixing his computers and i had to go on the laptop to use the internet (i'd never used it before) and he still has a picture of her as the desktop. he still has poems about her and old conversations with her (i didnt read them) and the only pictures on there are of the bands or of her.

 

I asked him when he got home if he was still in love with her and he goes "i dont know. i mean i dont think those feelings will ever go away"

 

tonight i asked why he couldnt say he was in love with me and he said it was because he was hurt before. and i asked if maybe he felt those feelings and just couldnt say the words and he said maybe. then we got into what we feared about the relationship and it just angered me.

 

its not that im trying to rush, but 4 months is a nice amount of time. lots of time spent together, lots of things in common, a very comforted feeling around eachother and yet he cant understand that, a 4 month relationship cant just stop right here, it has to keep going.

 

i just dont know what to do. he says he loves me but its always "i dont know" if i ask (in a not annoying and akward way) if hes IN love yet.

[melrich]

I don't think you have a right to be upset over the fact that he does not sya he is in love with you. Some people take longer to get into a relationship than others, just because you feel you can say it does not mean that he must also be in the same place.

 

If you feel you are committing more to the relationship than he is then you have to talk about it but then it becomes your choice in terms of what to do about it because it seems it is your issue.

 

If you are asking about being upset about all the photos etc. I think after 4 months that you do have a right to ask him to pack them away. It does indicate that he might have some residual feelings and/or issues with his ex.

[goddess23]

WOAH. generally speaking you dont have the right to be upset about him not saying i lvoe you. but he has its like when you ask him if hes IN LOVE with you its an i dont know which is veryyy worrysome to me since he can say those feelings will never go away for his ex. it should be the opposite. he should be IN LOVE with you (its a short time still, yet long enough for something real). and as far as his ex he should defnitely not be IN LOVE WITH HER. he may always love her. care about her as a person but this is just too much. i mean i know its like its sooo out in the open you feel like its hard to say they're doing something wrong! what an awkward situation. i think you should sit him down and tell him that you dont want to be a nagging gf and ofcourse you're not forbidding him from anything but just let him know that it bothers you taht he is soo close to his gf and still seems to have feelings for her. tell him that if hes not over his ex then maybe you guys shouldnt be together right now. but before jumping to that just tell him that it does bother you and there are simply too many thigns from his past. its fine to keep old things but it seems like its part of everything. i mean her pic is still in his wallet! thats insane! sorry but this is just crossing the "ex" line. talk to him. see his response. if its not a postive one then i would suggest taking a break at least so he cant figure out what he wants.

[arwen]

I think you always have the 'right' to feel anyway you do. Because you just DO. The part where 'right' comes to play in my opinion, is when you'd blame him for it.

 

I think if he really keeps her photo on a desktop on a pc that he still uses actively, I would really be bothered by that as well. I'd see that as a sign that he is not as near to being over his ex as he says he is.

 

Ilse.

[Ava Adore]

I think you always have the 'right' to feel anyway you do. Because you just DO. The part where 'right' comes to play in my opinion, is when you'd blame him for it.

 

I think if he really keeps her photo on a desktop on a pc that he still uses actively, I would really be bothered by that as well. I'd see that as a sign that he is not as near to being over his ex as he says he is.

 

Ilse.

 

he doesnt use the laptop. he doesnt use computers but i do when im at the house. but most of the time the laptop is stored away but sometimes it just appears all plugged in.

 

 

i called him back because i just felt like things werent settled. and i told him everything. i told him that i feel like theres something inbetween us and that i think i feel more for him than he does for me and that i feel as if i could bewith him but only if we communicate.

 

basically he says he doesnt want to lead me on about family and stuff, and ive told him time and time again, its a girl thing. i was raised thinking about my future family. my FUTURE family. not what i want right now because i wont want children for atleast 5-8 more years. but still i like to playfully talk about things like baby names and crap that has no relevance to my current life. he also said that he doesnt want me to feel hurt if it doesnt work out. and i told him to just stop thinking that way. I force myself not to think about those what ifs because if i didnt we'd never go anywhere because it'd be "well if it doesnt work out this'll be a waste...nevermind about that" and thats not how relationships grow. you have to get passed that fear and just go. i told him to just stop thinking about it and stop letting it hold him back because this relationship is something good that can last if we just let it and dont try to control it.

 

then his phone started beeping and i could tell he was tired (he works at 4) so we said goodnight and he said he does love me and we'll talk tomorrow.