Ava Adore

he doesnt use the laptop. he doesnt use computers but i do when im at the house. but most of the time the laptop is stored away but sometimes it just appears all plugged in. i called him back because i just felt like things werent settled. and i told him everything. i told him that i feel like theres something inbetween us and that i think i feel more for him than he does for me and that i feel as if i could bewith him but only if we communicate. basically he says he doesnt want to lead me on about family and stuff, and ive told him time and time again, its a girl thing. i was raised thinking about my future family. my FUTURE family. not what i want right now because i wont want children for atleast 5-8 more years. but still i like to playfully talk about things like baby names and crap that has no relevance to my current life. he also said that he doesnt want me to feel hurt if it doesnt work out. and i told him to just stop thinking that way. I force myself not to think about those what ifs because if i didnt we'd never go anywhere because it'd be "well if it doesnt work out this'll be a waste...nevermind about that" and thats not how relationships grow. you have to get passed that fear and just go. i told him to just stop thinking about it and stop letting it hold him back because this relationship is something good that can last if we just let it and dont try to control it. then his phone started beeping and i could tell he was tired (he works at 4) so we said goodnight and he said he does love me and we'll talk tomorrow.

so cody and i have been together for about 4 months now. very nice relationship. we have our fights but mostly its all good. within the first month, cody and i talked and i found out he was still caught up on his old girlfriend stephanie (she cheated on him, and moved to minnesota). I was a little hurt, but i got on with it because hes a nice guy and i could see myself being with him for a long time. The next month or so i was putting away his boxers and found pictures of her and old letters she'd sent him. while looking through his wallet (he was there and didnt mind) i found out the first picture in the holder was of her. After a while, she stopped coming up in the back of my mind and cody and i began to say "i love you". I got to meet his parents (i guess im the first girl he's ever brought home) and they both love me to bits But the other night i was over at cody's and stephanie called . and i guess she calls once every few weeks to "chat". She's knows about me and i guess told cody no wonder he was still up (because i was there). The next day i was fixing his computers and i had to go on the laptop to use the internet (i'd never used it before) and he still has a picture of her as the desktop. he still has poems about her and old conversations with her (i didnt read them) and the only pictures on there are of the bands or of her. I asked him when he got home if he was still in love with her and he goes "i dont know. i mean i dont think those feelings will ever go away" tonight i asked why he couldnt say he was in love with me and he said it was because he was hurt before. and i asked if maybe he felt those feelings and just couldnt say the words and he said maybe. then we got into what we feared about the relationship and it just angered me. its not that im trying to rush, but 4 months is a nice amount of time. lots of time spent together, lots of things in common, a very comforted feeling around eachother and yet he cant understand that, a 4 month relationship cant just stop right here, it has to keep going. i just dont know what to do. he says he loves me but its always "i dont know" if i ask (in a not annoying and akward way) if hes IN love yet.