PLEASE-Help married seven years!!!!!!!!!-has left me

[luvhazeleyes]

My husband and I both are 27 yrs old and have been married for almost seven years. We have a six year old son who absolutely adores his Dad. In June of this year he decided that he didnt want to do it anymore and we separated. During that time he would tell me he loves me and misses me. While I purchased a home and moved to GA, he has been staying in another state during this time (yes I do know it's his male friend) and this friend has LOTS of "girlfriends." I have asked him, begged him, and cried for him to come home, and at first he was telling me he was coming home and all of that. But hasn't yet!! He tells me hes not seeing anyone else(I do NOT believe him) but yet hes telling me he wants to be free and doesnt want to be in a committed relationship with anyone. He calls often to speak to his son. I am soooooooo stressed out. At first I was calling him ALL of the time, listening to his msgs on his cell phone ( i had the code)and calling his friends so they could talk to him then he told me that I appear weak when I keep crying to him. Now in the past week, I feel good. I haven't called him or anything or even had the desire to, but I REALLY want him back. He has cheated once before, but otherwise is pretty good to me. I was also very very jealous and constantly questioned him about his whereabouts, calling all the time while hes out. Did I push him away? I am the only child, and my Mom just passed away. Is he feeling resentful? what could be going on. He had the nerve to tell me to let him chase me, as if we're teenagers. I asked him does he want a divorce, and he said "maybe that's the best thing." Then, the next morning he called my friend and told her that he doesnt want a divorce and does want to work it out, but that I want to know exactly when its going to happen and that he can't tell me when. But when he speaks to me he tells me he doesnt want to work it out. I'm dying inside, my son wants his Dad, I want my husband. I have lost ALOT of weight due to this, I am sooo depressed.

[overcorrect]

You're a caring person and there's nothing wrong with that at all. You have to understand that you are pursuing him and he is distancing himself. As long as you pursue him he will continue to distance. I can guarantee he is in the "have his cake and eat it too" mode and he won't get out soon until it become uncomfortable. You can make him uncomfortable... to do so you have to cut off all communication (save being cordial when he calls about the kiddo) and move on. I know what it's like to lose someone like you did and my suggestion is this (this is what I did). Whenever I decided that I wanted to talk to her I would instead write out a note on my computer and save it to disk. It would get those feelings out that I needed to get out and IF she ever came back around I could then share them with her. You will find that whenever you feel lonely that writing and rereading what you wrote previously is some good therapy. You will see that you will have a tendency to repeat yourself often and you will also understand a little better what the heck is going on. When you reread what you wrote you will be doing it in almost a subjective view and you will actually be able to give yourself advice. Now, when you show him you are moving on with life it will do one of two things... it will make him realize what he's missing or it will make him feel less guilty about leaving you and he will move on. Either way, you cannot live the rest of your life miserable because of him. You mentioned losing weight... I have a female friend of mine that went through a breakup and lost weight too... She used it to her advantage and started working out and going to Jiu-Jitsu. I have to say, even though she has trouble seeing it sometimes, she has become very attractive and other men notice her besides me. 27 years old is still very young and I can tell you from experience (I did it) that any man worth having that falls in love with a woman will also fall in love with her child. I view a woman's child as an extension of her life and it's beautiful. I do miss my ex-girlfriend and her 2 year old. Too many issues were between us though. You are going to miss him too, I won't lie about that. But moving on (or pretending to move on) will attract more men (including him normally) than not. After you pretend for a while you will find that indeed you are moving on for real. You will get stronger during this time and you will find that if he comes back you will be the one in control of the relationship. He has to understand that you will not allow that to happen to you again. Under no circumstances don't accept that he has "ruined your life". Nobody can ruin someone's life by leaving them. When someone says: "I'm sorry I ruined your life." they need to understand that you will continue to live and you won't still be pining over them until you die. I hate it when someone tells me that, I take it personal. (I've heard it twice and both times it made me MAD!!!). Don't contact him. Write. Save to disk. Take positive steps in you life (both mentally and physically). Reread. You will find that sooner than you think you will not need to write anymore. I wish you luck in your life.

[sisterlynch]

Difficult to feel the pain that you are in. Men are little boys at heart--all of them, just as we are little girls. I have to say that I have had a hair of the dog that bit you too! Look for a mother figure who you can talk to and work through these emotions. My feeling is that he will come back when he has had enough of the single life. I would recommend seeing a psychologist; however, by reading about psychology and personal issues on line and in my Abnormal Psychology book from college, I was able to work through many of these same issues recently on my own. Stay healthy. Eat protein. I found a suppliment called DHEA. It is like a homone that regulates the other hormones in your body. That calms you down and lets you think clearly. If you could move in with some family members to take some of the pressure of parenting off of your shoulders, that might help. Turning to his friends hasn't worked for you and I did about the same and that didn't work either. People don't want to take sides. Picture yourself in a new relationship and working on similar problems together. Call him only once in a while. That will be the first step to moving on. Do google searches on jealousy and infidelity. Break your problems up into little pieces so they are easy to swallow.

[luvhazeleyes]

Thank you sisterlynch for responding, no has responded for awhile. First things have gotten progressively worse. Now he is saying we will never get back together and I don't know if its because I'm always asking if he's seeing this person or that person. It's hard, this is my husband and I CANNOT believe this is the person that I married. He is not himself. His friends are party animals and he actually told my best friend that he does see women but he LOVES me and no one will ever come before me. Can you believe this juvenile nonsense. I have a six year old son, I really don't have time to play these kinds of games but at the same time I am still very much in love with this man and HE KNOWS IT. It hurts soo much, I pray every night for this to be over. I'm so afraid during this time he will meet someone and fall in love with them. That is a very scary feeling. I don't have any family that I can move in with. As I stated inmy first post, I just purchased this home here in GA and I hate it because this was supposed to be OUR first home and now we're here all alone. I am going to move back up north closer to my family so that I can at least get a break from my son once in a while. He tells me that he wants me to change because I was always nagging and questioning his EVERY move, which is true, but then he tells me we're not getting back together? He says if he told my best friend if he tells me that theres a chance then I will nag the heck outta him rushing things to be back to normal. What do I do now?