hopeless and in love

[girl_83]

i dont know why i feel the way i do seems like none of my friends understand or relate to my dilemma. i've been with my bf for 10 months and i just find it hard to believe or trust anything he says to me. its like everytime he gives me a reason why he cant see or talk to me on the phone i start getting paranoid and making up crazy stories in my head. just a few hrs ago i called him and he rejected my call, and he called me back 10 mins later, he told me he took his mum to the hospital because his dad went there few mins ago.. and he was driving back thats why he couldnt pick up. then he told me he couldnt talk to me tonight because he has to get up at 6am to help his mum with their business since his dad wont be able to..but in my head, im just thinking he really doesnt want to talk to me and he'll go to any length and use any excuse just so i can feel bad and not force him to talk 2 me..i dont know why but i have a feeling he might be talking/seeing someone else..i wish i didnt feel like this its driving me crazzyyy..i feel so hopeless i really love him and dont wanna lose him over something im not sure of..i dont know if its insecurity or just my gut instinct telling me hes probably interested in someone else..i dont wanna ask him because everytime i do he just gets angry that i dont trust him i feel so hopeless...im going crazy i just feel like hes on the phone to some other girl at this very moment any suggestions?

[sweetheart4ever]

Do you have any steady proff that he is? i mean cheating is a big deal, and if he isnt, then thats the thing, you really have to trust him, but at the same time, you have to be sure your heart is safe, i say really sit him down n let him know, say its not that you trust him its just the fact that your imagination goes so far as to make you believe it, n you just need a lil something more from him or something...what ever you do dont go sneeking around..its not a good thing to do, but just have a serious convo with him...good luck

[girl_83]

i know sneaking around isnt a good thing, but i've done it and i've found out some interesting stuff that hes kept from me..and hasnt told me about them till this day and i guess that fact that hes cheated on his ex's aswell as myself makes it just extra hard from me to trust him, i dont know what 2 do im so in love with him and im mad for letting myself fall for him so hard. i just cant let him go..i guess im just messed with him and without him hate this so much

[confusedashell]

I think you really need to sit down and TALK to this guy. both upfront and honest. Not forceful or desperate but just tell him how you feel. You gotta do this before things get bad and the relationship ends. In a relationship I think its very important that both people have something in their lives that is just theirs. With my "ex" wife and I she had her studies and interest in physics and I had my music. That was a place we could both go and it was OURS. You need that feeling. At least i think so. Prehaps hes got something like that.

 

Cheating isnt acceptable and if hes cheated before there is a chance he could do it again. But that could happen in any relationship. I had worries if my wife would cheat on me at the beginning and one day I had enough and just told myself: If shes going to cheat, shes going to cheat. theres nothing I can do to stop her. So I'm just going to relax and enjoy the time as it is now. You cant stop someone cheating but you dont need to suffer over something that may never even happen.

 

sneaking around behind his back is no good either. That'll create even more of an akward and tense atmosphere. Just be upfront with him.

[sweetheart4ever]

Girl. you really need to get him out, out of your life 100% cheating is not acceptible..once a cheater allways is..get rid of him, its best for you, and if you ever went on to get marrie dn have kids..think of how your kids would see him..you have to let this fish back out...

[sweetheart4ever]

Girl. you really need to get him out, out of your life 100% cheating is not acceptible..once a cheater allways is..get rid of him, its best for you, and if you ever went on to get marrie dn have kids..think of how your kids would see him..you have to let this fish back out...

[Joyfl]

There are two possibilities.

 

One, he really cheats you. Then just kick him to the curb. Well,it is really so hard for you, I know, but you have to do it. He will cheat you from time to time,then your heart will be broken from time to time and worry too much. It is not a good relationship. Better to leave him. Short pain is better than long pain.

 

Two, he does not cheat you.It is just you who think too much. Well, normally you will not suspect your lover if he does not do anything wrong. You'd better to sit down with him and have an open conversation. Tell him how you think and feel, but in very soft way. Do not blame him or quarrel with him. Keep calm. If he really cares about you, if he really loves you very much, then he will be patient to listen to you.

 

Anyway, love will wither without trust. So if you try your best, but you still cannot trust him, no matter he cheats or not, you'd better move on.

 

Good luck.

[dancesinquicksand]

Take it from experience. I was you 11 years ago. I thought the same things you do. All it's going to do sweetie is ruin your self esteem. Drain you out, and leave you always asking why. If you can't trust him, where do you build a foundation. I know I am not perfect and no one knows it all. Maybe he will change. But why should you keep letting him hurt you. Trust me.. It never gets easier to leave. The more time you invest the harder it is to let it all go. Only you know what is right. But at the end of the day you need to feel good about yourself. You already know what you need to do. Only you can make it right..

[Shadows Light]

I know where you are coming from... things he says...and things he does... and the math doesn't add up. No matter how you look at it. It doesn't add up. So then you beat yourself up over thinking... the worst.

 

Ok... so you have a few things you can do. Talk to him about it... which you already have...and he gets angry because of the TRUST issues. Or...you can give him room... and don't call him... don't contact him... let him come after you. Move on.

 

Personally... I think I'll take my own advice here...because you've just answered a question on my mind. Thanks.. gotta love it.. give someone else advice and light bulbs go off.

[girl_83]

yeh, i love giving advice aswell...helps me think about what i would do if i was faced with a similar situation, but its always harder when your actually the person in the situation. Theres so many options, just dont really know which one i would really benfit from in the long run. This thought always comes to mind as soon as i have the courage to tell him i've had enough and i want out 'what if i let him go, and never find someone better' lame i know..but its just something i constantly think about, and heck i could be wrong. Guess i'll never know unless i try, just not sure if its worth the risk Thanks for all the advice.. it helps alot

[dancesinquicksand]

Its nice to know that I am not the only person out there haveing a hard time letting go. Its never easy to take those first steps is it. And just the thought of the tomorrow without him in it seems empty.

 

But how do you feel today. Are you really happy. Do you find that the good out weigh the bad. Its not supposed to be easy to walk away from something you have put so much into. But maybe its better. Sometimes baby steps help us get to the anwers we want. Or maybe you just need to sit down and figure out what you want.

 

He is not going to change. And if by chance he does, and yes some men do. Are you prepared to live like this until he does. You need to decide.

Sometimes we find out that the good times are not worth all the bad times. Remember that you are important too. You come first. Would life really be all that bad without him. There is always someone else. YOU>