Higher Chances of Getting Back Together with NC or Contact?

[Sunflower1]

Need some advice please, boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me because he was not happy, thought there were issues I need to work on, so does he. Is the best policy no contact on my part since he broke it off and give him time to analyze things and miss me? Friends say no contact because he needs his space, he broke it off and if I do contact him he will be sure I am still waiting for him and ready when he is.

 

Any advice from experience? Thank you.

[sweetheart4ever]

Id say a lil bit of both, i mean dont have major contact, just let him know you still care about him and want to make sure he is ok, but do not jump him with contact thats a bad move, and nc might make him feel like you moved on n like you dont care n might give him the idea that if he didnt do what he did you would have..i say some but not a crap load! good luck keep us posted! lots of hugs n what not,

 

~Sweety~

[Bounder]

Well, more details on why it happened may help. is there anyone else yet? History of this? Is he having a personal crisis outside of you, and if so, is he perhaps using it as an out to be nice? No contact may be the best answer, but if you need to express feelings, for you, not just to convince him of something, then maybe call or contact him. We're here for you.

[spanisheyes]

I'm going through the same thing right now. On the one hand I'm scared of total NC because I'm just afraid he'll think I don't care or maybe that he'll forget about me. 8 years is a long time...have you thought about counseling? (If you're in to that type of thing)

 

What has been working for me is going a few days of not calling or seeing him and then I will call him just to see how things are going and we will usually end up getting together. My guy seems to be coming around but I guess I'll just have to be patient.

 

Since you have such a history with him, maybe you should both take some time ( a couple weeks) and reevaluate what you want out of each other, then get together and compare notes- so to speak.

 

Good luck!

[aries]

As someone who just broke up........if you feel there are feelings that need to be expressed....write a letter or email. end it on a positive note. then do NC. I recently broke up with someone becasue I wasnt happy. A couple of weeks later i realized I was making a big mistake and we just really needed to speak and feed each others needs. We got to comfortable. needless to say she pushed no contact for awhile..but i wanted to discuss the situation. In the end......We are done for good. Do yourself a favor...express your feelings then move on. if it was meant to be ...you will be togther again. Let him miss you...allow yourself to miss him. you will rejoin with renewed passion and sense of clarity for whats really important in the relationship. i wish you the best.

[suprema99]

That's the problem with NC It's supposed to be played for leaving someone for good, but most people play it the opposite way thinking that person is gonna come back and miss them more. It can work everytime, but the longer and more times it gets played, you have to start to think seriously why NC is happening. It could be a sign of a bad relationship.

[confusedashell]

honestly, I dont get any of this. Yes you may still love the person who left you, but well thats just it THEY LEFT YOU. THEY DUMPED YOU. Either they wanted to go and see if they could do better, wasnt interested in you any longer or whatever, they DUMPED you. No matter what my wife does now, I wouldnt EVER take her back. She made her bed now with her coldness and bad attitdude. And as it stands from tonight, i wouldnt be surprised if she wants to get back together. Thats just NOT happening. Because I know that sooner or later I'll be sitting here at this computer typing the same crap that I have been for the last few days. I'm not putting myself through all that again. No way in hell. Child or no child.

[swift44]

confusedashell, im not even gonna judge you..being hurt kinda made me bitter too but lets not go overboard with it here.

 

as for sunflower im in the same boat sorta trying the NC thing, io think it woyuld be best to at leasdt give it a chance see how hings are gonna go before you throw yourself at him again, trust me i did dat wit my ex gf aand it didnt work just try NC for a while it seemed to help others

[PB]

I tend to agree with Bounder. It might be clearer for us to make comments if you explained a little more about your interaction with your ex.

 

8 years is a long time to be with someone.

 

Do you agree with his assessment that you have things you need to work on? Or is that something you dispute?

[TiredMan]

As someone going through an 8 year breakup right this minute, I feel like I can relate. Here is the story if you are interested :

 

Anyway, I think it depends on the relationship. After 8 years, you probably trust each other so much and have had contact so much. I never understood how one can just go with NC. I feel like NC makes it easier for a person to emotionally separate. That is the case in many types of relationships.

 

I think more specifics would be helpful.