Does NC help this??

[Echo]

If someone tells you they don't have "those" feelings for you in the way you have for THEM...but that they ARE attracted to you and the sex is great..is this where doing NC helps? Can time away and making improvements help bring someone closer to you and make them want you in "that" way? What works?

[darkblue]

Feelings can grow over time.

 

But you could have your heart broken if you get too close and they don't share the feelings.

[annie24]

You know, everyone is different. So, basically, this other person is saying that they only like you for sex, but you have real emotional feelings for them, and you want the other person to develop them too....

 

NC is really to heal yourself and give yourself distance! If you want someone who is really crazy about you, this guy isn't the one. That's why you do NC, to get over him. He may or may not have those feelings grow once you are out of the picture. It really depends on the person.

 

Remember - NC isn't a ploy to get someone back - they only come back if they want to come back. NC is all about healing yourself.

 

good luck.

[Echo]

I agree Annie...but I guess the question I was asking is

is it possible for someone to realize they DO have feelings for you

if you do NC? If someone is ALWAYS available to you...perhaps you start taking that person for granted, so by doing NC...maybe they will miss you and even think about you more...ESPECIALLY if there IS still an attraction.

Which there is. I know for a FACT I cannot just be "friends" with him ..and he said the same thing...simply because we ARE so attracted to each other. Although we ARE also friends, which to ME is the most important thing anyway.

I want to heal...but past of me DOES want him back....I guess I do want him to realize maybe he lost me. I am not going to chase him, but I am going to give it some time before I contact him again. A month or maybe a couple months. I just don't want to throw five years down the drain...and I do love him. That's the hardest part

[annie24]

5 years? What is this 5 years business about? What's the story of the relationship.

 

Sure, yeah, you've heard the saying, "absense makes the heart grow fonder." Yes, he may start missing you and realize he likes you in that way, or he may not....

 

If you've been dating him for 5 years, and he's told you he doesn't have feelings for you, that really sucks. Really. I dunno - I think after 5 years, people know exactly how they feel about someone else....

 

keep up the NC. Good luck!

[confusedashell]

I dunno - I think after 5 years, people know exactly how they feel about someone else....

 

thats what I thought too. I guess people can change a lot, particularly if youre young when you get together. I think maybe you're solid tastes in what you are looking for come in your mid 20s.

[Echo]

Yes....five years..on and off though. There is a lot of history I won't get into. Let's just say I screwed up a few years ago and I think he didn't allow himself to fall for me because of it. I lied about something I shouldn't have...which I have since tried to make up for. He has also said it's not just me...he has been divorced twice and I think that left a bad taste for him with relationships. I am not trying to change him. I am trying to change myself...for ME. If he comes back as a result then that would be a bonus...but it's ultimately for me.

He knows I love him..I have told him. I think he really DOES care about me...he has said that much. I also told him I cannot just be "friends" with him. There's no way. He agreed with that.

So what is missing here??

This is so frustrating. Ugh.

[confusedashell]

I guess people can feel like they're not IN love for a variety of reasons.

The relationship just becoming stale with not much excitment.

Taking the other person for granted. They're always around.

Not working on a relationship.

Resentment over something.

Stress and the daily chores of life can make you feel down.

Other priorities.

or you can just forget.

 

But of course if they are the reasons then the feeling just needs to be dusted off. I've felt like that about my wife and marriage a few times. That I dont love her, am not attracted to her and dont even know why I'm in the relationship. It always happened that after a little bit I realised that was just everything else around me talking. I felt my wife and the marriage was the cause of every problem I had. That my wife wasnt that supportive of me. Then one day shed do something and I'd smile to myself realising how much I do just love that woman!