Why is she back?

[MyEyesHurt]

I used to go out with this girl. I love(d) her to death. But I completely wrecked everything and we broke up. We talked now and then but not often. I felt like crap about wrecking everything but the less we talked the less I cared and it seemed like I'd get over it. Recently we've started talking again and she's telling me how she has all these feeling for me. She doesn't want a relationship, she just wants to tell me how much she loves me. What's going on? Is she trying to remind me how bad I messed up so she can deal? I was fine for two months! One phone call and I'm in pieces.

[arwen]

She might be too scared to have a relationship again. I think that if this hurts and affects you so much, it might be better to continue no contact. I don't think it is her intention to hurt you, or does she sound like she wants revenge/angry?

 

Ilse.

[darkblue]

She still has feelings for you, but you hurt her so she doesn't trust you to have a relationship with you.

 

If she's not willing to give it another go; let go.

 

Don't talk to her, stop communicating with her and get over her.

[DN]

It is also possible that she does in fact want a relationship with you but wants you to do some work to get her back, Now you have to decide if you want that.

 

If you do, then tell her so - but also tell her that you want both of you to be honest and open about what you want. No shell-games, just proper communication.

[misery12]

I agree with DN, except for the detail.. if she was the dumper..

SHE should be the one coming after you, or else a pattern can unfold into your relationship again, and things may end up just like before.

[DN]

I agree with DN, except for the detail.. if she was the dumper..

SHE should be the one coming after you, or else a pattern can unfold into your relationship again, and things may end up just like before.

 

Except he admits he was the one who 'wrecked it.'

 

Remember that it is not always the 'dumper' who is the one at fault - if fault is there. Very often someone's behaviour will lead their partner to take the final step to end the relationship - but that doesn't make them a bad person, or in the the wrong. They may then have second thoughts, and hope that the reasons they left can be fixed, but want to make sure that they are not going to get hurt again.

[misery12]

Very true, DN said it.

[MyEyesHurt]

Remember that it is not always the 'dumper' who is the one at fault - if fault is there. Very often someone's behaviour will lead their partner to take the final step to end the relationship - but that doesn't make them a bad person, or in the the wrong. They may then have second thoughts, and hope that the reasons they left can be fixed, but want to make sure that they are not going to get hurt again.

 

I doubt she's doing it out of spite, but we can't get past this odd phase. Whatever happens with us, whatever we do it always come back to her telling me she doesn't want a serious relationship, she seems content on telling me how much she loves me then push me away.

 

No contact isn't really an option either, since she's moved back she's drifted back into my social circle and I see her everywhere I go. She even works with me.

[DN]

Then every time she tells you that she loves you, just say "that's nice, I love you too" and change the subject. Don't go any further than that and see what she does next.