I don't know what to do

[--Lost--]

I can't stop thinking about suicide. No matter what I'm doing, it's always lurking in the back of my mind.

I don't have any real friends. Throughout my life I've met only four people I could honestly call a friend. We've either grown apart or moved apart.

I feel alone. I know my parents love me very much, but it isn't enough.

Other things seem to be going to hell too.

My parents have money, but I hate asking them for it. I hate my job. I think I have an eating disorder. I think about my weight pretty much any time I'm not thinking about what happens after we die. I haven't actually tried starving myself or throwing up, but I think I'm only a few steps away...

Recently I haven't been able to fall asleep at night. I lie awake and think about the cleanest ways to die that would cause my parents the least amount of grief. I wonder how many people would care if I died. I think people might, but only in passing.

Last night I went to my kitchen and took out a carving knife. I sat and stared at it for a long time. Maybe an hour or so. I don't think I'll actually kill myself until I've at least tried college, since everyone seems to think it's amazing.

It's after I go to school and find that I don't like it that I'm worried about.

 

I went to a psychiatrist for similar problems several years ago as well as taking prescription drugs, but I hated the drugs and I hated having to go to a psychiatrist. I think it made me worse.

 

I guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me what to do. To say with confindence that things will get better. That they know how to make things better. Because all I can see ahead is more of the same.

[aireyc]

Hey dude,

 

Hit me up with a private message and I may be able to help you out.

 

- Chris

[pain89]

i have the exact same problem.. but i start to think about these two friends that i have that are also depressed... if i were to kill myself they wouldnt have anyone to talk to and that might cause them to hurt themselves.. anyways what im trying to say is that even though you may think your not that important you may be wrong.. and also if you need to talk about it then im me... id like to help you.. if i can...

[tiki]

you are lucky to have had the chance to call 4 people your "friends"...some people don't even have that much

[confusedgrl23]

you are just starting your life, give it a chance. Dont dwell on the bad things, appreciate what you have NOW. Those 4 friends you have, consider yourself lucky because some ppl dont even have ONE friend.

College IS fun and it is stressful as well. You will meet new ppl in college, everyone does AFTER A WHILE, then you will meet new ppl at your new job, at the college parties, then bars etc. You have sooo much to look forward to, your life is JUST starting out right now-enjoy every minute of it.

 

And by the way, everyone goes thru times, I did too, where I thought my life sucked and whats the point. I think its normal, things have a funny way of working out, give yourself a chance to experience things that you are here on Earth for.

[BeingMe]

Some years ago I was thinking more or less like you do today and then things started changing, after the first step then came the second and now I like my life, I like my life a lot

 

Looking back I don't understand how come could I consider stopping my life but I did, and several times

 

Take it easy, I recommend doing some kind of sport, reading, listening to music and just be honest to others, show yourself to others like you are and that's all, if your are shy you can tell others you are shy, it's OK

 

Even if you feel "different" than others may be it's just your view and let's suppose you are very different, you can have good friends. Some of my friends are very different than average ppl so ...

And what about me? some of my thoughts aren't much common and I love that

 

For me not being a clone is a plus, do you prefer clones?

 

As you have noticed English isn't my mother language but I hope you understand my message

[--Lost--]

As far as my friends go, I don't have any right now.

 

I meant that I've only had four throughout my entire life.

 

1 moved away.

1 was four grades below me. That stopped working a few years ago.

1 got heavily into drugs and alcohol. I tried following him, but that just isn't for me.

1 turned out to be gay, which doesn't bother me, but he kept trying to touch me and I didn't want him to.