3rd time unlucky

[Solarstone]

hi am a n00b here but what ive read so far was interesting

 

i suppose like most folk who end up on such sites im pretty sad or low .. particularly a suicide thread

 

anyways, maybe just typing this helps but time will tell. heres the story, it short and to the point and i whilst appreciate its not as severe as others, i think many of us have that same mutual dispair feeling.

 

the route of my problems probably lie with women .. simple as that. 3 people i loved dearly decided enuff was enuff. the first one i am still friends with but never see as we live many miles apart. we bounce of each other well but i eventually accepted friendship would be all that it would be. this dented my heart, eventually tho you drag yourself up and i met someone else, whom i eventually married. she was loving at first, maybe still is but had many emotional problems. her own mum violently killed herself and she blames herself a lot, put up emotional barriers and i never managed to break them down. the strain was too much and we became very cold towards one another. she believes i didnt love her but that wasnt true, if anything she helped me in a time i was in pieces and we only grew apart because of uncontrollable emotions. this was a year ago we split and i still upset i couldnt patch things up properly, as i should have. she has since found someone else. i then, a few months later, meet someone outstanding!! i believe the reasons for previous failings were becasue i was destined to meet this girl. we get on so well, i cant think of anyone else whom ive been so comfortable with. 8 months we get really close and then she drops the bombshell her ex wanted to give her another chance, they have a daughter and were together for many years. for the sake of a happy kid she wants to try and patch things up. i understand this but its broken me into a thousands pieces .. in fact if pages on a screen were paper it would be damp now i know she is confused and is really sorry for the mess she has left, i even believe she is not happy with this ex partner but she feels she owes it to her daughter to make another go of it. what do i do? if i push her to change her mind she will go distant and i'll lose the best friend i ever had. i think maybe i already have as well.

 

to this end i used to have a supportive family, it appears they do not care anymore. i live miles away from my family and old friends as i moved to be with my wife. when i asked my sister if i could come and visit they said they had no room. my dad, a so called christian, has not even got back to me since i asked for a place to stay. that was nearly 2 months ago. theyve turned their back on me and this hurts deep to.

 

im an emotional sort, laid back and bottle things up. the only person i could ever really talk to has forsaken me for another and now im all alone, miles from anything familiar or comforting.

 

im supposed to move house in 3 days and i cant focus to arrange removal of furniture or anything. ive lost my appetite and strength and although i have a job i kind of enjoy, its not enough to keep me hanging in and bearing one punch after another. it seems pointless and hollow.

 

im not quite so great at being articulate or even interesting in my story here but thats the situation. a broken heart 3 times, the final one breaking the preverbial camels hump. ive have thoughts of suicide for near enough 5 days now and its intense, even psyically hurting. ive been on anti depressants before and found them hopeless, unfortunately.

 

dunno why im here at the end of all that, but if you read and understood then i thank you.

 

peace and love

[jna35]

I am truly sorry for your pain. Wow, what a blow!! I would strongly suggest that you get some help, especially since you're contemplating suicide. I know it seems like all hope is gone and you feel all alone, but you're not. You'll find here that many people have been through or are going through similar situations. I understand that it's not the same as having someone be there in person. Maybe your family doesn't know what dire straights you are really in. Have you had a serious talk with your dad? I hope you won't continue to keep things bottled up. We all know what happens to bottles under pressure. I also think you expressed yourself just fine here, so don't be so hard on yourself. Sometimes bad things happen and you certainly have had your share of loss, but that doesn't mean the end for you. Why not take that emotion and focus on making something positive out of it. You are a good person and your gf going back to her ex for the sake of her child must be VERY devastating to you. Blessings can come out of the darkest of places. Every person we meet is part of who we become. Take the good parts from what you had and take one step forward. Don't beat yourself up for feeling down, heck I would be devestated too!! Just take baby steps back towards happiness. Do you have ANYTHING that you love or that you are passionate about? I would say surround yourself with positive people and put your energies into something good that makes you happy. I really do wish you the best and hope that your heart heals quickly. Remember, as cliche as it is, time is a great healer. Take care!!

[ManyYearsDevastated]

Hi know where you are coming from. See my post at link removed

 

 

Being dumped this 2nd time broke the camel's back for me.

 

37 years of having relationships with guys that meant nothing. 37 years of feeling dead inside during the whole relationship.

 

You sound like you might be a bit younger. Maybe there is still hope for you.

[Solarstone]

hi all, thanks for kind words of support, they do mean a lot so maybe talking annoymously has helped.

 

today i do not feel so bad though i dont know how long the 'high' will continue!!

 

i suspected wholeheartedly that there were others out there with simular and unique stories to tell. feelings of love tend to encompass the soul and drag your insides to shreds leaving nothing but empty space. i will forever empathise with people who have lost someone they love, particularly to actions beyond their control.

 

she spoke to me 2 days ago, spoke of a dream she had that upset her a great deal. she said she panicked and got really upset and tried to call as she thought something was wrong. i think maybe she can supress her feelings in the day, its easy to bury your head in the sand afterall. at night, however, i think you cant and thats when emotions catch up with you, as your brain processes thoughts of the day when your at your most vulnerable. i never told her that i felt suicidal, but the fact she picked up it proves, to me, the connection we have. its intense and i never known anything like it. i dont know where this is heading, the situation is still the same. i pray, and thats something i never done, that the mess of the situation will blow over and our spirits will be together someday. at the time of writing i feel a small grain of hope, although a false sense of hope may be even worse

 

take care all, thanks for listening in, so to speak.

 

btw manyyears, im just a wee bit younger at 30