hi am a n00b here but what ive read so far was interesting
i suppose like most folk who end up on such sites im pretty sad or low .. particularly a suicide thread
anyways, maybe just typing this helps but time will tell. heres the story, it short and to the point and i whilst appreciate its not as severe as others, i think many of us have that same mutual dispair feeling.
the route of my problems probably lie with women .. simple as that. 3 people i loved dearly decided enuff was enuff. the first one i am still friends with but never see as we live many miles apart. we bounce of each other well but i eventually accepted friendship would be all that it would be. this dented my heart, eventually tho you drag yourself up and i met someone else, whom i eventually married. she was loving at first, maybe still is but had many emotional problems. her own mum violently killed herself and she blames herself a lot, put up emotional barriers and i never managed to break them down. the strain was too much and we became very cold towards one another. she believes i didnt love her but that wasnt true, if anything she helped me in a time i was in pieces and we only grew apart because of uncontrollable emotions. this was a year ago we split and i still upset i couldnt patch things up properly, as i should have. she has since found someone else. i then, a few months later, meet someone outstanding!! i believe the reasons for previous failings were becasue i was destined to meet this girl. we get on so well, i cant think of anyone else whom ive been so comfortable with. 8 months we get really close and then she drops the bombshell her ex wanted to give her another chance, they have a daughter and were together for many years. for the sake of a happy kid she wants to try and patch things up. i understand this but its broken me into a thousands pieces .. in fact if pages on a screen were paper it would be damp now i know she is confused and is really sorry for the mess she has left, i even believe she is not happy with this ex partner but she feels she owes it to her daughter to make another go of it. what do i do? if i push her to change her mind she will go distant and i'll lose the best friend i ever had. i think maybe i already have as well.
to this end i used to have a supportive family, it appears they do not care anymore. i live miles away from my family and old friends as i moved to be with my wife. when i asked my sister if i could come and visit they said they had no room. my dad, a so called christian, has not even got back to me since i asked for a place to stay. that was nearly 2 months ago. theyve turned their back on me and this hurts deep to.
im an emotional sort, laid back and bottle things up. the only person i could ever really talk to has forsaken me for another and now im all alone, miles from anything familiar or comforting.
im supposed to move house in 3 days and i cant focus to arrange removal of furniture or anything. ive lost my appetite and strength and although i have a job i kind of enjoy, its not enough to keep me hanging in and bearing one punch after another. it seems pointless and hollow.
im not quite so great at being articulate or even interesting in my story here but thats the situation. a broken heart 3 times, the final one breaking the preverbial camels hump. ive have thoughts of suicide for near enough 5 days now and its intense, even psyically hurting. ive been on anti depressants before and found them hopeless, unfortunately.
dunno why im here at the end of all that, but if you read and understood then i thank you.
peace and love