how can I stop checking his emails?

[head_heart]

I know it's bad and stupid. We broke up 4 months ago and we haven't talked since. I know I shouldn't get back with him for my own goodness (he has depression and I don't think I can fix it), but I could not stop checking his emails. And this offsets my efforts to move on and knowing what he is doing upsets me. Any help?

[lunatic]

It is rather simple actually. Stop looking at his emails PERIOD!

 

You know that is an invasion of privacy and you might get in trouble if you get caught.

[RayKay]

Um...you are just going to have to learn some self-control in this situation. And not do it. Just like with any other addiction, you need to mentally focus not to do it..when you are tempted, find another distraction.

 

Likely will be hard at first as you will wonder....but in time you will feel better for NOT checking, and have motivation.

[DN]

The key to stopping is to understand why you are doing it.

 

So why are you doing it?

[head_heart]

thanks human01, I like ur advice, powerfull. Sometimes I do need people to tell me something like that.

[misery12]

I agree with DN, why are you checking them?

 

Your best interest would be to totally delete him from your life, hold onto the emotional memories, but try to get rid of the physical.

 

Once there are no more reminders, then you have nothing to look back, and dwell on. It's your life, you have to put yourself first, because if you don't it CAN cause emotional damage, so just be aware of what you want, and don't give anymore than you're getting.. (for future reference).

[starion]

i think things are unresolved in your head.

when the person is depressed it is very difficult to have a normal relationship with them, yet from what you say, nothing bad was done by him or you, that leaves you subconsciously wondering "what if" not for that depression things could have been great

--just a thought

[head_heart]

Why am I checking his emails? The conflicts, the struggles undergoing in my mind. Well, I guess deep down I still want to get back with him and I still care for him, but I can't , even though he was the closest person in my life. I believe many people on here know how hard it is to do the "No Contact". I guess when I miss him so much, while knowing that I cannot contact him, checking his emails is the only option that can ease my anxiety. It's like stalking.

 

I am curious how many people have done the same thing? I think this situation happens a lot if you have to leave someone whom you still have feelings with...

[head_heart]

I agree with you, starion...

[DN]

I thought it might be that you want to get back with him deep down.

 

If he could get his depression under control would that make a difference?

[head_heart]

Sometimes he feels better, sometimes he feels very low. He has been seeing all kinds of doctors for 14 years, but nothing has changed. His depression has made him do many stupid and hurtful things. His coworkers and friends feel he is weird and stay away from him. He never had a long-term relationship until he met me.

 

Sigh.. it's hard, but I have to move on....

[dstanzler]

You need to tell your ex exactly how you feel. That you are afraid of getting back together because of his depression... that before you can he needs to fix the problems in his life. Tell him to stop sending you e-mails too.

 

I know its hard. (HUGS).

 

 

Love,

Dave

[suprema99]

If he's got depression, if you can't handle it, you should leave then. You can probably help him I'm sure, only if you truley wanted to though in your heart, but you sound otherwise. Spying on his emails, probably does nobody anygood then for the both of you. Cause what good are you gonna do knowing anything? If you feel you really need to move on and end it?

[head_heart]

i understand and i know it wouldn't do any good for both of us if I spy on his emails. Trust me, I really know what I should and must do, but when the weak moments come, I give in. Feelings are still there, and they are not something I can control. My dog also misses him so much... I was still thinking checking his emails, but instead i turned to here. Need support, I am so weak..I know I can go through this, I have made it for nearly 4 months now..

[suprema99]

If it's really bothering you, than maybe instead of ditching it. Think more about what's going on and if it get's to a point where you really have no faith anymore, or can't handle it cause it hurting your life, instead of making it better, leave it then. Maybe that's how you feel right now, who know's. Goodluck

[Lobo]

Yea after 4 months as any reasonably Guy, he would have been getting it off withsomeone..

Dont know if I would want a bit of used property back.. You think about it love.. I really dont think u are that niaive are you..

cheers

[DN]

If he is depressed he should ideally be on medication and therapy - that joint approach has been found most effective in treating depression.

 

I feel a bit sorry for him - he has a mental condition and seems to lose everyone from his life he cares about because of it.

[head_heart]

If he was a reasonable guy, I wouldn't have left him. Depression messed him up. He has tried a lot of medications and seen a lot of psychiatrists, he is still not getting any better.

 

I feel sorry for him too. I know he is not looking for girls, instead he is quiet motivated to find a new job in the west coast to change the environment. It might be good for him, though I feel sad about it...