can someone lose fellings of 8 years

[suebob1]

Hi

 

I posted on here a few days ago regarding my breakup with my b/f of 8 years. i am very confused, can anyone explain can someone lose all feelings for you adter 8 years especially if they are in what i would call a relationship with someone else?

He is really confusing me as he says it is e that says i have lost him for good and that i read to much into his relationship with this other girl, he tries to tell me that he is only staying away from me because of the way i am with him at the mo(asking him questions about her and us, ie is there a future for us) i think this is a fob off he cannot use this other girl just to stay away from me. i have cut contact with him now and his mum and others say that in a week or so he will be in touch. he says he wants to remain friends again i think it is a fob off but he says if we cant be friends then we cannot be anything else, and his mum keeps saying we need to be friends before we can get back together. why does he want to stay friends if i was this other girl wouldnt like it him going to see his ex of 8 years etc, but all he says she wil ahve to put up with it it has nothing to do with her??

any ideas do you think there is any hope of us getting back together if i leave him alone for a while?

[Cydeways]

im not sure, but i sure as hell am going to find out... 8 years though, wow.

[apollocreed71]

MY question to you, who is this other girl? Evidently he was spending time with her, talking to her or something, for you to get worried about. Since i do not know the whole story, it is hard to say. but i do know it is disperectful to be hanging out with another woman when you are in a relationship. he wants to be friends still, but if he was your friend in the first place he would not have been hanging with this other girl. now on his part if it was a friend before he met you, then it probably was nothing going on in most cases. if it is someone he met after your relationship started, it could be an ego boost for him, testing the waters, or wanting something different. often after years of a relationship people often get lax, and take the small things for granted, the romace has often gone. in a new relationship, everything is fresh and exciting, you are trying to impress, get to know someone etc. after years all that is gone, thats where two people have to work to keep the flame going. from my experience it will happen, happened to me after 7 years with my ex.

 

good luck

[apollocreed71]

MY question to you, who is this other girl? Evidently he was spending time with her, talking to her or something, for you to get worried about. Since i do not know the whole story, it is hard to say. but i do know it is disperectful to be hanging out with another woman when you are in a relationship. he wants to be friends still, but if he was your friend in the first place he would not have been hanging with this other girl. now on his part if it was a friend before he met you, then it probably was nothing going on in most cases. if it is someone he met after your relationship started, it could be an ego boost for him, testing the waters, or wanting something different. often after years of a relationship people often get lax, and take the small things for granted, the romace has often gone. in a new relationship, everything is fresh and exciting, you are trying to impress, get to know someone etc. after years all that is gone, thats where two people have to work to keep the flame going. from my experience it will happen, happened to me after 7 years with my ex.

 

good luck

[xmrth]

I was just wondering-- has he ever had other female friends? Is she the only one, and when did she come about?

I'm also wondering how old are you? Because 8 years is so long I'm wondering if you two were going to get married, though I see you asked him where the relationship was going..

[Hope75]

Is this someone he cheated on you with? Is he now in a relationship with her? (the only reason I can see her getting jealous if he spends time with you..)

[suebob1]

thanks for all your replies, in answer to some of your questions, i am 29 and he will be 30 in a few months, he met her last september but did not tell me about her until january when he told me we were over, we had been having a few problems mainly me, he did try to talk to me but i guess i just took him for granted, eg. i had weight issues which i didnt realise that i was pushing him away and i stopped going out with him so he went out with the lads which is when he met her, the thing is she looks like me and he says she is me when i was her age(21) she has my personality. I want to be his friend but it so hard trying not to think of him with her!!!

i am still living in our house and originally when he told me in january we were still sleeping together b ut he was still seeing her approx twice a week, i guess i just didnt want to let him go i was stupid i know but i knew about her but she did not know about me. She must in her mind think that if he could cheat on her with me after 8 years then what future have they got, especially when he sayd he will do what he wants when he wants and that she will have to put up with him beiong my friend cos he always will be.He jut says that if we cannot be friends we cannot be anything else and that if we get back together it will be for good,eg marriage etc, he had been thinking about it previous but then what with my pushing him away.i just really dont know if this friends thing is a fob off or not he says he loves me and always will but at the mo he is not in love with me???

i still live in our house,originally he wanted to live as friends but i could not handle that so i told him to go, not 100% sure he is staying with her and her parents,but now he says he is only where he is because i could not handle living as friends, i couldnt sit back and watch him go to be with someone else,he will find it easier to be friends as he has someone else???the beginning of august he is supposed to be buying me out we shall see cos i cant see him getting round to it. maybe i am just impatient and he needs time??? his mum says that if and when he buys me out he will come back to the house and she will be out of the picture as he has no plans to miove her in, he cant even see a future with her??? i just want to know is it possible for soemone to lose their feelngs for soemone else after 8 years or is he just putting on a front??

thanks

[Tigris]

He's using both of you! He only cares about himself.

 

Find someone who really cares about you.

 

Good Luck

[suebob1]

do u really think he is using her?? what makes you think that?

[Hope75]

do u really think he is using her?? what makes you think that?

 

Does it really matter?

 

Look at his actions. He is with her now. Does that sound like someone who loves you and wants to save your relationship? Does it sound like someone who respects you, and cares about your feelings?

 

He cheated on you with her from Sept until Jan when he finally broke up with you? And now it's been 6 months, and he's still with her, and cheated on her with you. Honey, he sounds like a real dog who does not care about anyone but himself, and that includes not caring about you.

 

You deserve someone who wants to be with you 100%, and believe me, there are men like that out there, who would never dream of hurting a woman and stepping out on her to be with someone else.

 

I think it's pretty clear that he has no intentions of getting back with you, and he continues to be with her, regardless of whether or not he's still using you for sex.

 

I'm sorry that he hurt you, it was a really lousy thing to do, but I really think it's time you let him go and try to move on with your own life. You've wasted enough time pining for someone who clearly doesn't care and doesn't deserve your attention.

 

Don't you think?

[suebob1]

i know but for all his faults i still love him, i had a message from him today saying that you dont chose your feelings they just happen, this was in response to a message from me to him(see warning text topic) you see i am going out for drinks with someone else and ex has said that he doesnt want my new interest stepping foot in his house!! when i told him all wanted was for him to be in our house he replied you dont chose your feelings they just happen, which to me means he is going to wait and see how i react next time or times i see him and see if his feelings ares till there but i really cannot get my head round where his feelings have gone in such short time after 8 years?

[Hope75]

i know but for all his faults i still love him

 

I know that you do, but what about yourself?

 

Muneca brought up an excellent point on your other thread:

If he loved you he would be with you.

 

You can sit there and over analyze every little thing he says and does, and still six months ago you broke up, still he chooses not to be with you, he chooses to be with another woman, he lives with her, and you are left in the dust, in his house.

 

You deserve so much more than this, don't you agree?

 

How much longer are you going to put your own life on hold waiting for him to come back? What if he never comes back? (and that's a very real possibility).