Want to break no contact after 1 1/2months,

[scorchio]

I have been N/C with ex for 1 1/2months, been split up from her for 3months today

 

my post explaining the split if you need it - link removed

 

Miss her and her daughter an awful lot, just feels like she has forgotten about me as she hasnt contacted me since we split.

 

can anyone give me any advice,

I just want to send her a text picture message, no writing just a picture she would like, thats all.

 

is this a right thing to do !!!!!!!!!!!

[urbangentleman]

Hi Scorchio, listen mate i know it's tuff, and believe me you are going to get ALOT of advice and critism on whatever you do here.NC is good for healing, thats all.That much i know.Have a read of my post about sending the email the other day....you'll clearly see what i mean.At the end of the day , all i can offer is that it is YOUR life and you have the right to choose to do whatever is comfortable for YOU.But DONT harras or bug her if you do it, and also only do it if you have NO expectations from it.

 

Just MO.

 

Regards

 

Urban.

[scorchio]

thanks Urban,

 

yes it is hard,

 

Problem I have is the N/C has made me stronger, but I feel by being stronger I am able to deal with asking her back on my terms (even tho she wouldnt im sure respond to anything i send or ring or text) very stubborn girl. But by being stronger makes me feel I want to contact her more .... stronger to do it ... does that make sense LOL

 

cheers by the way! I will read your previous post, sound advice

[The_Doc]

What I can tell you is that she won't have forgotten about you -- not if you were together for two years...

 

HOWEVER her silence shows you that she doesn't want to contact you at the moment. You want to contact her because you obviously think it might make her reply. While it might... it is probably more likely she won't, and then you will feel added misery that she has ignored a direct message from you.

 

I agree with Urb that in the end you should do what you want to do but be prepared for more hurt rather than less, especially if you EXPECT something back.

 

My ex contacted me 3 times on Sunday and twice yesterday (she was worried about me -- probably guilt). When I replied to her this morning did I get a response -- NO of course I didn't. How did that make me feel --terrible!

[The_Doc]

PS she dumped you so why should she come back on your terms?

 

I don't mean to be harsh but if she wants to come back she would be and should be reaching out to you not the other way around.

 

If she dumped you and you start asking her to come back you look desperate and needy and while there is always a slim chance that she might come back to you if she feels sorry for you and guilty about thwta she has done it is very unlikely. Just look at all the posts on the forum.

 

How many people report positive stories? I want my ex to come back more than anything but in short there is very little you can do if she doesn't want to come back. You have to let them go... old adage, overused on this site but true neonetheless.

 

If you love someone let them go.

If they return to you, it was meant to be.

If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with.

[scorchio]

yes, Doc and Urban sound advice,

 

I will try and be strong, Im sure you are right and she is missing me or thinking about me, but you are right at the momement I dont think I would get a reply from her even if it is her being stubbourn im sure ...... i think, i hope lol

[scorchio]

her contacting you, was that after a period of N/D Doc ?

 

and thankyou all, I am trying to be strong

[scorchio]

N/C I meant

[The_Doc]

From my experience with my ex I will say this...

 

She will miss you but not in the way you miss her.. you missing her is a 'yearning' you want her, feel you need her. As the dumper she will probably occasionally think about something you did together, maybe it will be a song she hears, a place she goes or whatever. But it won't be a yearning.

 

Try not to think about what she is thinking because a) you can never know and b) it will not be what you are thinking.

 

Maybe she is stubborn but her lack of contact is much more likely to be a sign that she wants to move on. Hard as this sounds... I like this fact no more than you or anyone else.

[The_Doc]

Long story but her contacting me this week was after we saw each other at a wedding at the weekend (see my posts on the forum).

[scorchio]

ok, thanks

 

I have stayed strong in N/C for 1 1/2months because I havent wanted to appear needy,

 

she always put her away message on when she was online, (even when we was a couple and she used to see me online).

she hasnt been online since we split (3months)

and then tuesday (yesterday) she was online no away message on.................

spose that has triggerred my mind in overtime now

[scorchio]

silly really,

 

but you know wot its like im sure,

mind goes in overtime and runs riot

[PlayBrat]

Hey Scorchio...congrats on doing NC for 1 1/2 months....that's

great! As for your ex having her "away" message up...I ALWAYS

have my "away" message up....usually because I'm busy but

sometimes because I am hoping "HE" will read it, and get curious. I never put anything to provoke jealousy or anything, just to pique his curiosity. Honestly I don't even know if I am on his buddylist, but I do it anyway..lol. I know it's a juvenile thing, but it's harmless. I think we all resort to those things on occasion.

Try to maintain NC as long as possible....it will help you heal.

[scorchio]

"playbrat" thankyou for your kind words

 

difficult, but im trying

 

I have a feeling, just maybe she is testing to see if i reacted to her being online and being able to be contacted - AND I DIDNT!!!

but will never really know,still I hope im on her mind still, thats the hardist thing to wonder....

[PlayBrat]

Scorchio I KNOW how you feel about wondering IF they think about you at ALL!. What helps me ..is I just assume they DO..lol. Hey why NOT? It makes me feel better. It's not as if I'm going to ask if he thinks about me, so what does it hurt for me to think it?

I am sure she thinks about you....even if not in the way you think of her.

I think being the "dumpee" always puts us in more of a position to long for or want the other person back...or to have fantasies of the "dumper" to come back, begging our forgiveness. Well, we all know that only happens in the movies..lol...but it's always nice to have those thoughts, as long as they aren't holding you back from moving on.

[scorchio]

know what you mea.

 

what annoys me, I know for a fact that she didnt fall out of love!

she admitted when we split that how much she cares and etc etc and that has never changed.....

 

 

so does make youwonder why ... stubborn ets

feel like shaking them .....

 

lol

[C.C.]

Hi Scorchio. It must be so hard to do the NC for 1 1/2 months. I admire that! I don't know if this will help since everyone is different, but i want to share with you a book I have read recently.

 

During the 1 1/2 months of NC, have you used that time to do anything in your power to make you and your life better? ( I know it is very hard because we all miss our ex so terribly and feel low now and then) But according to the author, if you have done so, and think that you are ready, you could give the ex a phone call. No Emil, no IM, or any other means, but just a simple phone call. On this short phone call you are just trying to leave a good impression and set up a date, NOT trying to get back together. If she is not there, don't leave any message or call more than once a day.

 

"When you call you want to feel confident and happy and maintain that attitude through the entire conversation no matter what happens." (I find this very true and helpful) The conversations should be short and ask her about what has been going on. Wait until the conversation goes very well, and then ask her a simple question like "I was just wondering if you would like to go______ this saturday?" Be prepare that she might say no, but please don't react upset or anything, simple say ok will at least leave her a good impression on you.

 

It really depends on people. This is just an option. You know your ex and yourself better than anyone, and the decision is really yours. I share this with you is because it somehow seems work for me because my ex still have feelings for me. However, I know that it doen't mean that he is thinking to get back to us at this moment. I guess time will tell. Hope you feel better today.

 

C.C.

P.S.: a little reminder as we all know -- NO relationship talk at this point.

[scorchio]

hi cc

 

good advice from that book,

 

The problem I have at the mo is that my ex was and admitted always that she is good at the silent treatment, blanking someone if she not happy with them annoyed etc, its a sittuation for me that is awkward for me that even if she had a notion in the back of her head that she wants to try again or one dayget in contact, her stubborness etc may stop that......

 

I dont know, any girl point of view who is stubbourn might be appreciated, I suppose stubborness will die away eventually !!! who knows!

 

good points you have brought up definitely, just get the impression any phone call she would probably ignore - maybe that push her away, im not sure confused by it all

[scorchio]

bit low tonight, miss them

 

strong enough at mo not to contact them,I think, but just keeps banging on my mind what she is up to.... probably not much as she has daughter.

 

mind just on overtime tonight ....................

 

is she missing me ? what she is thinking ?

[kmk12]

Hey man just keep hangin in there. Im in the exact same spot as you! 6 weeks of no contact as of tomorrow. In the meanwhile ive coached a baseball team, done some counseling, and gotten really close with some family members that I would not have had a chance to. Anyways tomorrows my 21st bday so hopefully she calls or somthing, as I feel this would be a pretty good junction point to open up contact again. Anyways stay strong dude i'll talk to you later and give an update after the bday weekend.......

[scorchio]

thanks, i'll try and stay strong

 

Happy birthday!!!! hope it goes well

 

heres hoping for us both

[regret1]

I feel your pain...you are not alone. I miss him in my sleep. Since we have been broken up, I always wake up in the middle of the night. Do not know why? It is sad and cruel life. For mine, he wanted to stay friend, but I cannot. I don't think mine will ever call me again because last week when we did contact, I told him to never call me again. He swore he would not call me anymore.

I truly doubt he would call me anymore. thereforeeee, I am in week 1 of NC.

 

 

Keep it up (NC)...if they truly love you they will come back. If they do not move on.